Blessed Tragedy

chapter Four



Walking through the empty halls, I tried to clear my mind of everything except tonight's performance. I'm a creature of habit. When I don't get to go through my “game day routine” as Colton and Jon call it, I have issues taking the next step towards show time.

Instead of heading straight to my dressing room, I decided to do a quick walk through to get my bearings and hopefully find Rain. Bottles of water filled the opening behind my main riser. Lubrication spray for my throat was sitting in front of the drums on Jon's platform. A quick chat with the tech told me my guitar was ready to go for the few songs I'd need it for. There was only one person who could make it seem like I had been here all day and I needed to remember to thank him later.

Blowing out a deep breath, I picked up my acoustic and leaned against the platform on stage. I started singing I Will Be There by Art of Dying to the empty seats. As I started singing the chorus, Colton's rich voice joined me in perfect harmony. We sat together on the stage floor through the rest of the song.

“Should we add that in tonight?” Colton knew it was a song I sang often on the nights I wished my family understood me. When I didn't answer right away, he pulled me onto his lap and held me, brushing the hair away from my face. “Hey, we don't have to. I just thought you might want to. You know, kind of a tribute to your mom.”

“That'd be awesome. Will Jon and Trav be up for it?”

“For you, I think they'd do just about anything. When are you going to realize how many people love you?” His words told me he and Mark had talked about a hell of a lot more than the show. I was thankful he felt it was enough to say his peace and move on.

“Yeah, I think I would like to.” I knew it was time for me to get ready but the security I felt in Colton's arms was hard to walk away from. “I'm going to need you tonight. I've never been so scared to do a show.” Admitting weakness isn't something I would normally do but he needed to know I wasn't feeling confident about the show.

Colton crooked a finger under my chin drawing my eyes to his. “There will never be a time I'm not here for you. And once you get in the zone, you know damn well there's no stopping you. It's just another show.”

“I know, but--”

“No. No buts, not now. If you want to talk about it later, I'm here for you. Don't psych yourself out.” Colton pushed me off his lap and stood, reaching a hand down to help me up. “Come on, time to kick the preppie out and bring my little storm cloud back.”

It took less than twelve hours in the presence of my family for me to feel completely stripped of my identity. It's wasn't a hard thing to do given the fact that many key tenets of my life were so off-base. I stared into the vanity mirror in my dressing room trying to find Rain, the badass everyone expected to run on stage in just a few hours.

The anger towards my family that fueled me to succeed was replaced by anger over the entire situation, including anger towards myself. This anger wasn't a driving force, it was an emotional vacuum that left me drained and unable to move beyond the small loveseat shoved into a corner of the small dressing room.

“Hey sweetie, you gonna make it?” Colton's voice was soft and nurturing as he knelt on the floor in front of me. I shook my head. He turned so he was sitting on the floor in front of me with his head resting on my legs waiting to see if I wanted to talk. I didn't and I was grateful he didn't push.

That's how we stayed until there was a knock on the door. “Come in,” I said, practically throwing Colton off me as I jumped up from the couch. It was bad enough that he saw me on the verge of losing it, I wasn't about to risk anyone else seeing me that way.

“Hey Mo-- Maddie. Are you decent for us to come in for a minute?” I narrowed my eyes at Mark for almost slipping up. It may seem strange, but other than my three band mates, I'd worked hard to make sure my public persona was carefully segregated from my personal life. That included my name, where I was from, information about my family and anything else that could tie me to the life and family I had left behind.

“Yeah, come on in.” I made my way back to the vanity to lay out my makeup for the night. I was no longer hungry but knew I'd regret it if I got shaky on stage later, so I accepted the food I'd asked for as my brothers filed into the room.

“Colton, this is my dad, Thomas.” I watched in awe as my dad extended his hand to Colton. It's not that I expected my dad to have poor manners, I knew he would be polite, it was just something I never imagined happening. “You know Mark already. The tall one in the corner is Mike and this a*shole is Matt.” I wrapped my arms around Matt's waist allowing him to lift me off the ground.

It was hard to keep a straight face when Colton looked from me to each of my brothers and back again. I hadn't had a chance to explain everything to him yet and our actions were in stark contrast to how I had explained our relationship. It still wasn't fixed by any means, but I was beginning to have hope that there would be a day when I got along with my brothers and knew they were supportive of my life.

“It's nice to meet all of you. I'm sorry for your loss.” Colton offered his hand to each of my brothers and then reached for me. “Maddie has to get ready but I'd be happy to show you around for a bit.”

I actually smiled when Colton used my real name. I'd be certain I didn't want to hear that name cross his lips but it meant a lot to me that he was trying to make my family comfortable. He ushered them through the door and they were gone.

When I reached for my clothes, I noticed that Colton hadn't pulled out one of my typical outfits, which included a leather corset, skirt and knee-high combat boots. The only way to describe the outfit in front of my band mates was Rain with just a hint of Maddie. The leather corset was replaced by a royal purple brocade corset, black leather pants and high heeled boots. I grimaced at the thought of those boots on stage but figured I could get through it for one night since my boots wouldn't work with this look and none of my skirts were long enough to appease my father and overprotective brothers.



Still being one of the opening acts, we never knew how the crowds were going to react to our appearance. Sure, there were plenty of fans who loved us but there's no point denying that they wouldn't have spent fifty dollars per seat if it wasn't for Tantalize. Tonight's crowd was on fire through the first two acts; most nights that would have kicked the adrenaline into overdrive and I'd be bouncing around waiting for our turn on stage. Tonight, I was consumed by the thoughts of what my family would think of my performance, of my mom not being there to see, about everything we had to get done, basically everything except the six thousand people who'd paid good money to see a show.

“Hey, you gonna make it?” I'd been so lost in my mood I hadn't heard Colton walk up behind me.

“I'm fine.” I didn't look at him. I couldn't look at anyone.

“Bullshit. Look at me.” He pulled my shoulders so I was facing him causing me to wobble on the four inch heels. “You're going to be fine. It's just another show, right?”

“I said I'm fine,” I growled. Him pressing me to admit I was having a hard time getting in the zone was doing a good job of getting me pissed off enough to be ready.

“Whatever you say, Moo.”

Those a*sholes told him. I'm going to be forced to explain to all of these people that Colton isn't on stage because I killed him.

“What did you just call me?” I spat.

Colton's face broke out in a cocky grin. “Just doin' my job, Rain.”

“Who else f*cking knows?” I asked. If I had worried about my edge being dull, it was plenty sharp now. I was ready to get on stage and shred the hell out of my vocal cords.

He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me tight to his body so my back was pressed against his firm chest. “No one but me. And I've known it for a long time. Mark's lips get loose when he's been drinking. Don't worry; your secret's always been safe with me.” His breath on my ear as he tried to keep his voice as low as possible sent shivers through my body.

We stayed that way, wrapped together through the set change until the house lights went out and Colton left me to retrieve his guitar.

“Hey, where are they?” I asked. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know where my family was going to be during the concert but I figured it'd be better if I had some advance warning.

“Right front. That way it's easy for them to get backstage. I told them if it gets too loud, they can go back to your dressing room. They're on this side of the barricade so you don't have to worry about anyone getting hurt. Security's been told who they are and where to take them if they want to head back.”

I regretted asking. Not because I knew where to look, or not look, but because I was thrown by the lengths Colton had taken to make sure everything was as smooth as possible for my family.

The chanting of the crowd brought me back to the moment as I stood at the center of the dark stage. A single spotlight jolted to life and it was go time. I glanced over at Colton who was anxiously watching me to see if I was going to falter on the acapella opening of the show. I gave him a quick wink and belted out the opening notes to It's Never Been You, our first radio single.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about my performance but any fears I had flew off the stage during that first verse where I was completely on my own. Colton and Travis slowly moved to center stage next to me near the end of the first verse. There was never a performance where I wasn't in awe of his skills but tonight he took everything up a notch. This was a special night for all of us and I could feel it.

After the first half of our set, the arena went quiet as the spotlight turned to Jon as he jumped off his platform.

“How's everyone doin' tonight?” He screamed into the microphone. Cheers erupted and women began screaming professions of love along with all the things they'd like to do to Jon. I shook my head as I did every night, a combination of amusement and disgust on my face.

When he held up his hand, the volume came down again although not as quiet as it had been. “I need to tell you guys something and I'm hoping Rain won't embed one of those heels in the middle of my back when we walk off stage later.”

He looked over at me to make sure I was okay with where he was going. I nodded. Jon knew how much I cherished my privacy and we hadn't mentioned anything at the last show about my mom. Tonight, it was time.

“For those who didn't know, our girl Rain is one of the toughest bitches in the business. Most people in her position right now, I don't give a shit if it's man or woman, would be a wreck. A few nights ago, right after we got done with our show in Memphis, Rain got a phone call no one wants to get...” the catcalls stopped and all attention was on Jon's words.

I felt my knees starting to shake and glanced in Colton's direction. Before my mind could register his movement, Colton had handed his guitar to Travis and had his arm wrapped around me. I looked to my right and saw Travis on my other side, watching me like a hawk. Without a word, they knew I needed them. After we got off stage, I knew I needed to talk to all three of them.

“Rain wasn't even out to the bus the other night when her brother called to let her know that their mom passed away.” Words of support were shouted throughout the arena. I buried my head in Colton's shoulder to try to pull myself together. “We tried to throw her ass off the bus this morning to be with her family, but apparently they couldn't handle her either.”

Colton leaned forward to slap Jon, knowing he'd hit a trigger for me. Jon continued, “That's a damn lie. Anyone who knows Rain knows she's got a hard shell but she's an amazing woman. If you have a drink, lift it high over your head. Tonight, we're celebrating Rain's mom. She did a damn fine job raising her and then turned her over to us. From here on out, the Blessed Tragedy family has an amazing angel up there.”

A bottle of Jameson appeared on stage and we all took a long draw off the bottle. Colton pressed his forehead against mine. We didn't say anything, we didn't need to. I knew he was making sure I was okay to keep going. I nodded and he kissed my forehead. It was a tender exchange that would have embarrassed me if I'd thought about the fact we were in front of a sold-out audience. It didn't matter.

Jon and Travis offered quick condolences leaving Colton and I standing alone on the stage. It was then that I noticed there were two stools behind us. Holding Colton's hand, I settled myself onto one and motioned for him to take the other as I positioned my acoustic guitar on my lap.

Amazing is the only way to describe the feeling of sitting out there with him laying my soul bare for everyone to see as we sang I Will Be There. While it was meant to be a tribute for my mother, I couldn't help but feel as if Colton was singing every word directly to me. In front of six thousand people, I began to realize feelings I'd been ignoring for years.

When the song was done, I looked to where Colton said my family would be. There, I saw my dad and all three of my brothers blowing kisses my direction as they wiped tears from their eyes. If I never had the opportunity to get on stage again, my life would have been complete.