“Don't let me down,” Edda added in a low, weak voice.
“I won't. I wouldn't do that to you.”
Jaz could see Edda was convinced. The woman gave her a small smile and said, “When you're done, I'll make you some hot chocolate and then you can go to sleep. You'll be healed by tomorrow.”
Jaz didn't believe that all her muscles and bones that still felt like they'd been bashed and ripped and then glued back together again, could feel normal by morning, but she nodded anyway. Holding the phone as if it was a fragile trinket, she walked back into her room. Her steps were much stronger now that she had something to look forward to.
She sat on her bed, swaddled herself in the covers and exhaled with nervousness. She began to worry about how she was going to deal with everyone's worries and concerns. Their questions and more questions and the need of assurances and promises she couldn't keep. She didn't know when or if she'd ever go back there or if she'd even see them again.
How was she going to swing this?
The first number she dialled was the one she hoped would be easier.
Ellie answered on the fourth ring. “Hello?” Her voice sounded unsure and guarded because Jaz was calling her on an unknown number.
“Ellie?”
“Oh my god, JAZ!”
There was another girl in the background shouting her name followed by the thundering sound as the girl approached the phone.
Jaz recognized Lisa's loud, vibrant voice straight away.
“Jaz, where the fuck have you been!?” Lisa yelled. “We have been going out of our minds!”
This was why Jaz had called Ellie first. Lisa was always very direct. Even more so than Jaz. She'd wanted Ellie alone first so she could at least have a practice run before speaking to Lisa. Oh well, may as well kill two birds with one stone.
“Calm down,” Jaz said. “I'm fine. Are you at Ellie's?”
“Yes. Wait, I'm gonna put you on speaker phone.”
“Are you guys alone?”
“Yes, why?” Ellie questioned, her tone an octave lower.
“No reason. Just don't want anyone eavesdropping.”
“What's going on, where are you?” Ellie demanded, though it sounded silly with her sweet voice.
“Didn't my parents tell you?”
“They said you went to that spa you told us about. But then they changed their story and said you weren't -like- well or something, and you've gone to some -like- health facility or some shit. They were totally hedging the whole time.”
“Lis, I'm at the spa, that's true. But it's basically a clinic and spa too. I went there for... for mental health reasons. ”
“Why, what's wrong with you?”
“Nice, real smooth, Lis,” Ellie mumbled.
“Oh god, I didn't mean it like that. She knows what I meant.”
“No, it's fine, Elle. I've just been a little down for a while now. And not sleeping so well.”
“Since when? How come you never told us?” asked Lisa.
Ellie grumbled a warning at her.
Jaz sighed, preparing herself for a careful speech that said enough to keep them pacified but told them nothing, and to try and do it without lying to them. Well, without lying too much. I'm a horrible person, was her first thought. Then she considered, But I made a promise to Edda, and indirectly to Driver and all of Deer Creek. If I break it now they'll never forgive me. Lis and Elle are the greatest friends a girl could have, but would they really believe me if I told them the truth?
She breathed in and out loudly, pausing a moment before speaking. “You remember a year ago when I was off sick for three weeks? I told you I'd caught a bug and you had to stay away because I didn't want you to catch it?”
They both said, “Yes,” in response.
“Well, that's not really true. I can't really talk about the real reason because it's difficult for me, but I went through something... mentally. Something that completely freaked me out and I need time to recover from it. I've tried for a year but I realized I need professional help.”
“What was it?” Ellie asked gently.
“I can't really explain. I mean, not right now. Maybe when I'm ready. All I can say is that I was really badly affected by it. It was like a nightmare that was so real, I thought it was real.” Jaz slapped her hand to her forehead. “Am I making any sense?”
“I think so,” Ellie said.
“Anyway, I've been trying to get over it for a year. The doc didn't know what was up and I was seeing my Aunt Ruth.”
“The psychiatrist bitch Aunt Ruth?” Lisa asked, choking on her disbelief.
“The very one,” Jaz replied dryly.
“Wow, you must have been desperate.”
“Lisa!” Ellie cried in horror.
Jaz burst out laughing despite herself and that made Lisa giggle. Then Ellie began sniggering too.
After Jaz regained her composure, she said, “My Aunt Erica suggested I should come here. It's a private place. Sort of exclusive and hush-hush. Even celebrities come here,” Jaz added in a pretend excited voice.
The two girls on the other end gasped.