Back to You

June 2001
Lauren sat on Jenn’s bed, reading aloud the questions to the latest Cosmo quiz titled, “Are You Good-Girl Hot or Bad-Girl Hot?” to Jenn at her insistence.
“Last question,” Lauren said. “You spot a cute guy across the room at a party, and your interest is piqued. Do you: (a) Stroll right over and whisper, ‘Need another drink?’ breathily in his ear; (b) Stay put until he finally chats with a mutual friend and then make your move; or (c) ‘Accidentally’ brush up against him, smile, and introduce yourself?”
“Hmm,” Jenn said as she put the cap back on her nail polish and gently blew on her freshly painted fingernails. “C.”
Lauren smiled and shook her head, jotting that down as she totaled up Jenn’s points. “Okay,” she finally said. “According to the Cosmo gurus, you are a Badass Bombshell.”
Jenn nodded proudly. “Damn straight. What else does it say?”
“It says you strike the right balance between being naughty and nice, and you lure guys in by being playfully provocative. You put just enough out there to keep guys guessing, and anticipation is sexy.”
“Sounds about right,” Jenn said with a smile, hopping up on the bed next to Lauren and holding her hands up with her fingers fanned out. “You like?”
“Very pretty,” Lauren said, closing the magazine and tossing it to the floor as she flopped onto her stomach. “What do you want to do now?”
“Hmm. Oh, I know. Let’s talk about how hopelessly in love you are with Del.”
Lauren whipped her head toward her friend. “What? What the hell are you talking about?”
Jenn tilted her head. “Oh come on, Lauren.”
She turned away from Jenn with a huff. “It’s too bad there’s not a quiz in there about how well you know your friends, because you’d fail it miserably.”
“Would I?” Jenn asked, and Lauren ignored her, reaching for the remote and trying hard to focus on the television as she flipped quickly through the channels.
“I still don’t know what you see in him,” Jenn went unreadable.
A silence filled the space between them, and Lauren chewed on the corner of her lip.
“How?” she asked softly.
“I knew it!” Jenn yelled, hopping up onto her knees as she pointed at Lauren.
“Yes, you’re a genius,” Lauren deadpanned. “Are you going to help me or make fun of me?”
“Help you, of course,” Jenn said, sitting back down on the bed and fanning her hands.
Lauren rolled onto her side, facing her friend. “I think you’re going to have your work cut out for you. I mean, we’ve been friends for almost a year. He hasn’t made a move at all.”
Jenn blew on her thumbnail as she looked up at Lauren from under her lashes. “Have you?”
“No!”
“Have you even flirted with him?”
Lauren sighed. “I don’t know. I mean, we laugh a lot. We always have fun. But I don’t know that I’ve intentionally flirted. Besides,” Lauren said, rolling onto her back and staring up at the ceiling, “he’s not the kind of guy who holds back his feelings. If he liked me, I kind of think I’d know it by now. I’m like a sister to him.”
“No,” Jenn said, shaking her head. “I don’t believe that.”
“He calls me Red.”
“So?”
“So that’s like the equivalent of guys calling each other by their last names,” Lauren said. “Guys don’t call a girl they’re interested in by her last name.”
“It’s not your last name. It’s a pet name. It’s adorable.”
Lauren rolled her head to the side to face Jenn. “I thought you said he was a scary maniac.”
“Oh, he is. He totally is. But you’re, like, his kryptonite.” Lauren laughed, and Jenn flopped down on the bed next to her. “I just think his head is so far up his ass with all of those sluts he hooks up with that he doesn’t realize he wants to be with an actual good girl.” She turned toward Lauren. “You, of course.”
“Charming, Jenn.”
“But,” Jenn continued, not missing a beat, “there’s a surefire way to get a guy to realize he wants you, and tonight’s the perfect night to pull it off.”
Lauren rolled back on to her side to face her friend, totally on Jenn’s hook. “What do I have to do?”
“You have to hook up with someone else.”
Lauren laughed, but Jenn looked at her straight-faced until her laughter gradually slowed. “You’re serious?” she asked hesitantly.
“That junior Travis what’s-his-name is having a party tonight. His parents are out of town, and there will be drinking there. No adults plus booze equals Del. So tonight, he’ll go. We’ll go. And you’ll find a cute guy, and you’ll hook up with him,” Jenn said pragmatically.
Lauren threw her hands up in the air. “How in the hell would that be productive?”
“Because you’re just so as she rested her head on his shoulder.g le…pure. Which is a great thing,” Jenn added quickly, holding her hand up. “But sometimes, guys need to be reminded that there’s another side to girls like that. If he hears you hooked up with someone, it will make him think of you in a sexual situation. And once he does that, he won’t be able to help thinking of himself with you in a sexual situation. And then he’ll get jealous that it wasn’t him, and you’re golden,” she said, as if she’d just explained the simplicity of two plus two equaling four.
Lauren bit her bottom lip, blinking up at the ceiling. In a twisted way, there was some logic behind what Jenn had just said.
“I don’t know,” Lauren said, but even she could hear the lack of conviction in her voice.
“Trust me, Laur,” Jenn said. “If you want Del to want you, you have to make him think about what he’s missing.”
Lauren inhaled deeply, wringing her hands together. Maybe she should take Jenn’s advice. She was popular with guys, and always seemed to get the attention of whomever she was interested in.
And after all, she had just been deemed a Badass Bombshell by one of the most popular women’s magazines.
She closed her eyes and covered her face with her hands. “I can’t believe I’m going to do this,” she said, and she felt the bed bounce as Jenn jumped up beside her.
“That’s my girl!” Jenn said, grabbing her wrist and pulling her off the bed. “Get in the shower. We’ve got a party to go to.”

Okay, this is kind of nice, Lauren thought to herself as she felt Mark’s lips find hers again in the darkness. They were in the den on the first floor of the party, and through the closed door, Lauren could still hear the muted sounds of everyone outside.
Jenn had picked Mark out for her not five minutes after they arrived at the party. Lauren had seen him around school a few times. He played lacrosse, and according to Jenn, he had helped her find her class once when she had gotten lost the semester before. “He’s nice,” she assured Lauren. “And single. Go for it.”
So they had mingled a little bit as Lauren slowly sipped a beer, allowing her inhibitions to become slightly fuzzy, until eventually Jenn said it was time to make their move. They walked over to where Mark and a few of his friends were hanging out, and Jenn got the conversation going until Lauren and Mark were talking and laughing on their own.
At one point, Jenn leaned over and whispered in Lauren’s ear that Del had just gotten there, although Lauren had yet to see him. “Ask Mark if he wants to go talk somewhere else. He’ll get what you mean,” Jenn said before taking a step back and continuing her conversation with one of his friends.
And as soon as Lauren asked him, he smiled and nodded as he took her hand and walked her to the den.
She had to admit, Jenn knew her stuff.
They had sat on the couch with the door slightly ajar, talking for another few minutes, and then Mark leaned in and kissed her. As soon as he realized she was willing to kiss him back, he had gotten up and locked the door.
And now they were lying on their sides, facing each other on a wide, comfortable couch in the darkness as he continued to kiss her.
She liked the way he kissed, how soft his lips seemed. He was playful, alternating as she rested her head on his shoulder.g le between kissing her gently and kissing her passionately. It only took a few minutes of that before Lauren felt herself growing breathless.
But then they started to move past kissing. It wasn’t that it was unpleasant; it was just…weird. Maybe it wouldn’t have been if she hadn’t been so nervous.
His hands on her breasts were kind of nice, but when his hand ended up between her legs, it was awkward and a little uncomfortable.
And when she put her hand on him, she tried to do what she thought would feel good, but it was the first time she’d ever touched a boy like that. Her movements were kind of clumsy, and he ended up putting his hand around hers and guiding her until it was over.
And then he got up, turned on the lamp, cleaned himself up, and asked if she was ready to go back to the party.
As soon as they opened the door, Lauren found herself squinting against the brightness of the light in the house. She reached up and ran her hand through her hair, realizing it was a tangled mess, and she began combing through it with her fingers.
She looked up at Mark, and he winked down at her before he turned and walked back toward the party.
Lauren stood there, blinking against the light as she tried to spot Jenn in the crowd, when suddenly someone grabbed the top of her arm and spun her around.
“Are you okay?” Michael demanded.
“Jesus, you scared the hell out of me,” Lauren exhaled.
“Are you okay?” he repeated firmly, his hand still gripping her.
“I’m fine.”
“Did he do something to you?” he asked, his eyes darting back and forth between hers.
“Yes.”
In an instant, his eyes turned murderous as he straightened, releasing his grip on her as he turned to scan the party.
Lauren stuck out her chin. “But I wanted him to. I liked it.” It wasn’t entirely true, but for all intents and purposes, it seemed fitting.
His eyes flashed back to hers. “Lauren, what the hell did you do?”
Her stomach turned uneasily. He never called her Lauren. Ever.
And in that moment, she began to second-guess her decision to take Jenn’s advice. She felt the bravado leave her body. “Not that. Not what you’re thinking,” she said meekly.
His eyes softened ever so slightly, but Lauren could tell by the set of his jaw that he was still fighting to keep calm. “Mark Valero?” he nearly hissed at her. “I don’t get it. I’ve never seen you talk to him. You never even talk about him. Since when are you interested in this kid?”
Lauren shrugged. “Since tonight, I guess.”
He studied her for a moment before he asked, “How much have you had to drink?”
“Not that much,” she said, feeling more and more regretful as the seconds passed.
Michael shook his head before he turned to scan the party once more. Lauren followed his gaze to where Mark was standing with his friends. He bumped fists with one of them before another handed him a beer, and then a third came up behind him, clapping him on the back and saying something in his ear that made both boys laugh.
“And now he’s done with you?” Michael said angrily, whipping back toward Lauren so suddenly that she flinched. “He’s just gonna go back her stomach"> shoulderto the party? He can’t even hang out with you for a little bit?”
Lauren bit her lip and looked down. When he put it that way, she couldn’t help but feel kind of stupid.
“Good choice,” he added, his voice livid. “Brilliant pick. He seems like a real f*cking class act.”
“There you are!” Jenn said cheerily as she came out of nowhere and grabbed Lauren’s hand. “Excuse us.” She smiled up at Michael before she dragged Lauren into the other room.
As soon as they were out of sight, she spun toward Lauren. “So, what happened?”
“With Mark?”
Jenn rolled her eyes. “I can figure out what happened with Mark,” she said, purposely giving her the once-over, and Lauren felt her cheeks get hot as she started combing through her hair again. “I meant with Del.”
“Nothing happened. He’s really mad.”
Jenn smiled. “Good.”
“No, you don’t understand,” Lauren said, shaking her head. “I don’t think this was a good idea. I think he’s really mad at me.”
“No. He’s mad at himself for not being the one in the room with you.”
Lauren glanced over her shoulder skeptically, but Michael was gone.
“Now,” Jenn said, pulling her attention back. “We get another drink, and we let him come to you. Moth to a flame, baby,” she said with a smile. “And he will.”
Jenn dragged her back to the keg that was set up in the kitchen so they could get another drink, and then they sat on the coffee table in the living room, sipping their beers. Jenn made small talk with the people around them, and Lauren followed suit, but every few seconds, her eyes would scan the crowd, looking for Michael.
She couldn’t see him anywhere.
After about a half hour with no sign of him, Lauren finally decided that he’d probably gone home.
She looked down, awkwardly playing with the lip of her plastic cup. This was bad. She had to fix this. She’d call him when she got home, she promised herself.
But what the hell was she going to say?
Lauren looked up again, scanning the kitchen one more time, and she found Mark standing in line for the keg with two of his friends.
Michael had been right. It would have been nice if he’d at least hung out with her for a little bit afterward.
She was an idiot.
And just as the thought crossed her mind, she saw a crowd of people part as someone entered the kitchen from the opposite side.
Her heart leapt into her throat when she realized it was Michael.
He moved quickly, passing everyone who was waiting in line for beer as he walked right up to the keg, cutting in front of Mark and grabbing the tap.
“Whoa, buddy,” Mark said. “There’s a line—”
Instantly Michael whirled, punching Mark in the face so hard that his feet came off the floor before he crashed back against the boy behind him and tumbled to the ground.
Lauren gasped loudly as she jumped up off the coffee table, her beer splashing to the floor. The sound—the sickening, cracking thud as his fist connected—carried all the way to the living room. She knew she’d never forget that sound.
Within seconds, people were hat’s going on with you and Del?”ck you toscattering everywhere, most moving away from the scene as Mark’s friends moved toward it, some of them trying to help him off the floor while the others tried pulling Michael away.
Lauren ran toward the kitchen, immediately noticing the blood on the floor as she entered. It was everywhere, looking like it was coming out of Mark’s mouth or nose.
And then her eyes were pulled to the sudden, sharp movement of Michael ripping free from the boys who held him as he charged Mark again.
“Stop!” Lauren screamed, launching herself on top of the island counter that stood between her and the chaos, knocking over several bottles in the process. “Stop it!”
She tried to take his face in her hands, tried to get him to look at her, but his forward motion caused her to lose her balance. She flew backward, gripping the front of his shirt to steady herself as she landed on her backside on the countertop, sending a few more bottles shattering to the floor.
“Michael!” she screamed. For the first time since she’d known him, she felt a genuine flash of fear. He looked crazed, not even present.
“Michael, please!” she cried, feeling the tears building behind her voice.
He grabbed her wrist firmly, his eyes darting to hers, and once he realized who was gripping his shirt, she saw his eyes soften slightly. In that moment of hesitation, the boys that were behind him grabbed him again, yanking him out of her grip and restraining him long enough for the other boys to get Mark out of there.
Lauren sat on the counter surrounded by broken glass, her chest heaving and her eyes wide.
“Relax, bro! Relax!” one of the boys was yelling as a third ran to help them restrain Michael.
Lauren’s eyes were locked on him as she watched him scan the scene, taking in the people backing away, the blood on the floor, the arms fighting to control him.
He jerked forward again, breaking free from the boys, but this time he moved toward Lauren.
“Let’s get out of here,” he said through labored breath, extending his hand to her.
Her body was shaking with adrenalin, her breath coming in gasps. She glanced over at Jenn, who was standing on the threshold of the kitchen, both hands clamped over her mouth and her eyes wide.
For a moment, it looked like she regretted the advice she’d given Lauren.
But then Michael grabbed Lauren’s hand and pulled her off the counter, towing her out of the room, and as he dragged her past Jenn, she dropped her hands and smiled. “This is it. Call me,” she whispered quickly as Lauren passed her.
As soon as they were outside, Michael released her hand as he tore down the driveway, and Lauren walked double-time to keep up.
When they reached his car a few feet down the road, he yanked open the passenger door before he stormed around the front of the car to his side.
“Are you okay to drive?” she asked softly.
He got in and slammed the door, and the next sound was the thunderous sound of the car starting. She stood there, hesitating for a moment as she took a shaky breath.
“Please just get in,” she heard him say roughly from inside the car, and she swallowed before she slid into the seat and closed the door, buckling her seatbelt.
He took off like a shot, peeling rubber as they turned down the street, and Lauren leaned forward and grabbed the dash.
“Michael, please!” didn’t have to come here.”gry she said, and instantly, he took his foot off the gas and the car slowed to a reasonable speed.
She exhaled heavily, sitting back in her seat as she glanced over at him. He was looking straight ahead, his expression unreadable.
Maybe this was it. Maybe Jenn was right, and this would be the moment he’d confess his feelings. I want you. I don’t want you to be with anyone else. I want you to be mine, only mine.
But there was nothing.
They drove the entire way to her house in silence. He didn’t even turn the radio on.
When Michael finally pulled into the top of her driveway and cut the engine, they sat there for a few silent moments before Lauren finally sighed. “That really wasn’t necessary,” she said. “You could have gotten arrested.”
“That kid mouthed off to me!” he snapped.
Lauren turned toward him, her expression unimpressed. “He said ‘whoa, buddy’ because you cut him in line.”
“He’s got a big f*cking mouth!” Michael yelled, cutting her off. “And you had no business getting involved. You could have gotten hurt!”
Lauren closed her eyes and shook her head. She knew better than to try to have a conversation with him when he was like this. She took a small breath and turned to get out of the car.
He reached out and grabbed her arm, gently this time.
“You’re not hurt, are you?”
His voice had softened significantly, although she knew him well enough to know that he was still annoyed.
“No, I’m fine,” she said softly.
Michael released her arm and exhaled heavily. “I’m sorry if I scared you.”
“You didn’t scare me,” she lied. “I just…I wish you would try to keep your head next time, okay?”
“And I wish you would use better judgment when it comes to guys next time, okay?”
Lauren looked at him for a second before she nodded silently.
“Good night, Red,” he said, leaning over to kiss her forehead before he reached across her and opened the car door.
She got out and walked down her driveway in a stupor, knowing Michael wouldn’t leave until she was safely inside her house.
No sooner than she opened her front door, she heard the phone in her bedroom ringing, and she ran upstairs, although she already knew who it would be.
“Yeah?” Lauren said as she sat on the edge of her bed.
“You’re killing me. What happened?”
“Nothing,” Lauren said, half-heartedly kicking off her shoes.
“Nothing?” Jenn asked. “What do you mean, nothing? Guys don’t beat up other guys over girls they don’t want.”
“He went after him because he mouthed off to him at the keg,” Lauren said.
“Oh, come on, Laur, you don’t really buy that, do you? Even Del’s not that crazy.”
Lauren sighed as she flopped back onto her bed. “Either way. Remember when Tommy Greene beat up that guy who slept with his sister?”
There was only silence on the other end of the line, and Lauren knew she had Jenn cornered. “I’m telling you, I’m like his { display: block; text-indent: 5%; font-size: 0.88rem; margin-top: bl you to little sister. He told me to use better judgment with the next guy. That’s hardly claiming me for his own.”
There was another silence before she heard Jenn sigh on the other line. “So that’s it, then?”
Lauren closed her eyes, because she didn’t know what other choice she had. The bottom line was Michael Delaney never held back from what he wanted, and if it was her, she would know.
“Well, this sucks,” Jenn said. “Because after what Mark Valero went through tonight, you’re gonna have a hell of a time getting another guy to hook up with you.”