At Peace

I thought through this as I slid the lever to turn the flow of coffee off and got myself a cup then slid the lever back to let the rest of the coffee fill.

Mike was ready to take it to the next level. I knew it. I fucked that up, I’d lose him. I knew that too. He might be a nice guy but he also wasn’t one you messed about and I didn’t want to be the type of woman who messed a man about. He was going to lose patience and I sensed that was soon.

And, Sam was gone. Gone. There was nothing to be close for anymore, not even four hours away close.

And Daniel Hart was out there. He’d murdered my husband and my brother and he thought, even doing that, he could toy with me. He’d do it still, I knew it. I just didn’t know what I’d do when he did. My choices were to unravel or go berserk, hunt him down and shoot him in the head. Neither were good for my girls (or for me, for that matter).

Joe was a wildcard and an infuriating one. I had no idea what was happening there but I knew what wasn’t going to happen. I also knew I needed to let him in on my feelings about that and I needed to do it soon.

At that thought, I took a sip of coffee, looked out the window toward his house and stared.

There was a dumpster in his front drive and a man was walking from the house to the dumpster carrying Joe’s old carpet, rolled up and tossed over his shoulder. He got to the dumpster, did a hitch with his body and the carpet went into the dumpster, creating a cloud of dust.

What on earth?

I was so enthralled by watching this, I jumped as my phone rang and then I reached out to it, not taking my eyes from the window as I watched the man walk back into Joe’s house.

“Hello?”

“Vi, honey?”

My eyes dropped to the sink.

“Bea,” I whispered.

Tim’s Mom.

“Oh honey,” Bea whispered back and I put my coffee cup down and clutched the sink.

She heard my breath hitch.

“Oh honey,” she whispered again then I sucked in another breath, this time without the hitch and she went on. “We wanted to go, Dad and me, but I couldn’t face her. Dad said that Sam’d understand, knowin’ how it was, but I felt so bad and I wanted to see you and the girls.”

I understood this. My mother had been hideous to Bea and Dad, what I called Tim’s father Gary because he refused to respond to me calling him anything else. My Mom had been so hideous I remembered it like it was yesterday.

When it was all going down, when I found out I was pregnant and we had that awful family meeting where Bea and Gary were trying to talk my Dad and Mom into understanding and finding ways to help us out, my mother had been ice cold and downright ugly. Mom honed right in on Bea’s frailties and the things Mom said, the way Bea was, Bea felt small, insignificant, worthless and she did because Mom wanted her too. Mom was such a bitch she was almost gleeful, making Bea feel that way.

Right in the middle of it, Gary had grabbed Bea’s hand, pulled her off my parents’ couch, tipped his head at Tim who’d grabbed my hand, we all walked out and that was the last I saw of them for three years. They didn’t come to my wedding. They didn’t come to the hospital when Kate and Keira were born. They only came at Sam’s urging to Kate’s birthday party and that, too, had not been pretty (so we didn’t see them again for another two years).

Bea had never forgotten. She was sensitive but it was also that bad.

“I understand,” I told her.

“I figured you’d be… you’d… everyone would want a piece of you. I wanted to wait until later so we could spend some time. Dad and I, we’re gonna come down, stay the weekend, is that okay?”

My heart leapt then sank.

“Oh Bea, the girls are at the lake. I wanted them to have something fun and normal.”

“Next weekend then,” she said instantly.

I nodded. “Yes, I’d like that and the girls’ll love it.”

“Good,” she replied softly then she hesitated and said, too casually, “Pam called.”

Oh shit!

My head came up and my eyes saw the man walking out with more carpet.

“Bea –” I started.

She cut me off. “Says his name is Joe.”

“Oh Bea, it isn’t –”

“She liked him.”

Fuck!

My mouth got tight, so tight I stayed silent. Then again, I didn’t know what to say.

Bea went on. “Said he’s real good with the girls, sweet to you. Big man, she said, a man you don’t mess with.”

“Bea, let me –”

Her whisper interrupted me. “I’m glad, honey.” I closed my eyes and she continued. “Dad and me, we’ve been worried, you down there all alone. We know you wouldn’t tell us, worry us, if it was still happening. What Pam said about this Joe, well, me and Dad, we’re both glad.”

I didn’t speak because what could I say?

“Will we meet him when we’re there?”

No they would not.

“He’s out of town a lot,” I told her, hoping he would be and willing to buy him a ticket to Timbuktu, drug him and put him on a plane if he wasn’t.

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