“A friend asked me to go, actually,” she told him, being deliberately vague. Let him chew on that for a minute or two. “It was nice to get out of town, and I wore my black dress.”
Crickets again. Maybe it was a little mean to bring up the dress, but she didn’t feel even a second of guilt. Tonight she wouldn’t be the only one who closed her eyes and remembered Josh peeling the dress off of her under the Christmas tree.
“I should have stolen the dress and taken it with me. I can’t stand the thought of some other man putting his hands on it. On you.”
Katie closed her eyes, letting the hot, rough tone of Josh’s voice wash over her. Maybe only somebody who’d been his friend for all of their lives would hear it, but he was hurting, too, and she lost the desire to poke at him.
“So are you…am I interrupting anything?”
She could only guess what a hit to his pride it was to ask. “I’m in a motel, actually, in bed with Hailey.”
“Oh. Sorry I missed that.”
She laughed, then covered her mouth, not that Hailey so much as stirred. “She’s passed out, so you’re not missing much.”
“As much as I hate to change the subject away from that dress, how’s everything in Whitford? Everybody doing okay?”
“The same as always,” she told him. “You know how it is.”
“I talked to Rosie yesterday and that’s exactly what she said.”
“How are the riding lessons going?” That one had surprised her. She’d had no idea he’d always wanted to learn to ride until he sent her an email telling her he’d stumbled across a place in Kansas that would give him lessons in exchange for some manual labor.
“Not so well. Turns out horses are a lot harder to ride than four-wheelers. They have minds of their own.”
She tried to picture Josh riding a horse, but couldn’t. “So you’re not the next rodeo star?
He laughed. “Not even the clown in the barrel. I’m thinking about working my way toward New Mexico.”
“I bet Liz would love to see you.”
It sounded lame to her own ear, when what she really wanted to do was ask if he was finding what he was looking for. Was what he was doing worth breaking her heart? But she wouldn’t ask, because if she didn’t keep it light—if she wasn’t just his old hometown buddy—she was afraid he’d stop calling.
“I should let you go,” he said. “You sound tired.”
“I’m going to send you a picture of a time zone map. You should make it the wallpaper on your phone.”
“Oh shit, I didn’t think of that.” He chuckled in her ear and her fingers tightened on her phone. “Again.”
“It’s okay. I like hearing about your adventures.” And she craved hearing his voice. She didn’t care what time he called as long as he called. “I’m sorry I called you on Valentine’s Day. I wasn’t thinking about what day it was. I just wanted to talk to you.” He paused for a few seconds, and she heard him sigh. “And I hate to say it, but I’m glad Hailey was your date.”
“You’re not that easy a guy to get over, you know.”
“Does it make me an asshole if I say I don’t want you to get over me?”
“Yeah, it does.” Not that it would happen any time soon. “But you’re not over me, either, so have fun falling asleep thinking about me in that black dress.”
He laughed, which eased her heart a little, but when he spoke again, his voice was heavy. “Would it be easier for you if I didn’t call?”
“No,” she said honestly. “Losing my boyfriend hurts like hell, but losing my best friend would just make it worse.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean. So…I’ll call you soon, then.” He was quiet for a second, then softly said, “Good night, Katie.”
“Night, Josh.” And happy Valentine’s Day, she thought as she ended the call.
When Katie lay down, tears trickled onto her pillow and she squeezed her eyes shut, hoping to stem the flow. It was so hard to pretend she was okay—that she’d gone through the change in their relationship and his leaving unscathed—but she kept telling herself if she pretended long enough, it would become the truth.
So far that wasn’t working out very well, but all she could do was get through one day after another and hope it happened soon.
March
Josh threw back the blanket and sat up, scrubbing his face with his hands. His sister’s couch sucked.
The sun was streaming through the windows, so at least he could stop pretending he was getting any sleep and get up. His gaze fell on the snow globe, which he’d set on the coffee table after Liz had gone to bed. Katie’s smile was always the last thing he saw before closing his eyes and the first thing he saw when he opened them in the morning.