He looked over at Mitch, who just held up his hands in an I don’t know what to say gesture. He knew the feeling.
“Wow.” Thoughts were careening around his head and he couldn’t seem to grasp on to any of them long enough to form a sentence.
“That’s a big commitment,” Mitch said. “The lodge, I mean. Not Rosie. Although, that’s a big commitment, too. I just meant that—hell, I’m happy for you guys.”
Rose laughed and reached over to cover Mitch’s hand with her own. “Thank you, honey.”
All of the careening thoughts in Josh’s head slammed to a stop as one word filled his mind. Katie.
At some point along the way, he’d stopped pretending they were doing the friends-with-benefits thing. Or if they were, at some point he could see them signing on for the full, long-term benefits package. They were best friends, unquestionably compatible in bed, and he knew he’d never want to spend all his time with any other woman.
But he also knew that the second Andy Miller opened his mouth and offered to run the lodge with Rose, his relationship with Katie was doomed.
The rush when he realized what those words meant for him was too intense to be ignored, and if he tried he’d always wonder, What if? And someday he’d blame Katie for it.
“When are you thinking of moving in?” Mitch asked, and Josh was glad he was there to be the guy who could think straight.
“Anytime,” Andy said. “Hell, Josh could take off tomorrow if he wanted to.”
Tomorrow. He could get in his truck, put it in drive and not have to be home to tell strangers where to park in his yard or get up before six in the morning to make them coffee. He could just drive until he found a place he wanted to be.
“Not quite,” Mitch said, chuckling. “We’d have to get you added to the bank account and the account at the market and some legal stuff. It’d be a few days.”
“I…” Josh forced himself to stop and take a breath. He needed to slow it down. “Maybe I should stay through the season.”
“Why?” Rosie asked. “It’s all under control and you know if you stay until spring, you’ll get all wrapped up in the ATV trails and you’ll never leave.”
You’ll never leave. How many times over the years had he tried to resign himself to that possibility and failed? He couldn’t even begin to count.
“As far as you moving in,” Mitch said to Andy, probably because Josh had stopped making words again, “that’s between you, Rose and Josh. The rest of us own the lodge, too, but we don’t live here. But nobody’s going to make managing the Northern Star a condition of you being with Rose.”
“That’s true,” Josh agreed. He sat up straight and gave himself a mental slap upside the head. He needed to get his shit together and figure out what the hell was going on. “I don’t have any problem with you moving in, but you don’t have to earn your keep. Just make Rosie happy and it’s all good.”
“Look, son. I’ve known your family my entire life. I knew your parents well and I’ve watched you kids grow up. Mitch and my son were almost inseparable as kids. And while I might not have been here, thanks to Rosie’s stubborn streak—” he paused to smile at her “—I know you’ve sacrificed for this lodge and for your family.”
“And they’ve sacrificed for me. They were willing to give up the Northern Star and everything it means to them to make me happy.”
“I bet walking away from that was the hardest thing you’ve ever done.”
Josh nodded. “Yeah, but it was the right thing and, even if I’m still doing this when I’m eighty, I’ll never regret not selling.”
“You’re a good kid,” Andy said quietly. “I’m here and I’m not going anywhere, so take this chance.”
Maybe if the rush had died down and his mind wasn’t reeling from all the possibilities in front of him, it would be easier to think. But the excitement was still burning and he was afraid it wasn’t going to die down.
He looked at Rose, because nobody could understand better than Katie’s mother what his leaving would mean. He saw the knowledge in her eyes, but she just gave him a gentle smile. “You’ll never be truly content until you feel like you’re free to make your own choices, Josh. I believe that in my heart.”
She was right. He knew it with the same conviction he heard in her voice. But to leave, he’d have to say goodbye to Katie, and all he could do was hope like hell she understood.
Or maybe, he thought as he glanced at Rose with guilt growing in his gut, he could talk Katie into going with him.
*
Katie drove up to the Northern Star and killed the engine. She’d been out doing errands and decided to stop into the lodge to visit her mom. She wasn’t sure what Josh was up to, but his truck was there, so he had to be around. Unless he was out on his sled, of course.