“I’m not leaving until someone tells me, so you can count me in for that coffee.”
“You’re better off not knowing,” Callum said. “In fact, I can pretty much guarantee that if we did tell you, you’d wish we hadn’t. You should go home, Jack – I’m serious.”
Jack nodded, his stomach churning. “Yeah, well, so am I.”
Ally hadn’t come out of her room and Callum and Maggie were in the kitchen, making coffee. They spoke in hushed tones, but Jack couldn’t make out what they were saying. Something slammed on the counter.
“Then what the hell do you suggest!”
The hushed tones resumed and he sighed. He supposed he should go in there, but he stood in the hallway, reluctant to move. If what Callum said was true, he wasn’t going to like what he was about to hear and if he was honest with himself, he was scared.
Cupboard doors opened and closed and he heard footsteps, followed by the sound of the TV being switched on. He stood for a moment, debating his options, before walking down the hall to Ally’s door, knocking softly. There was no answer but he took a chance and pushed it open anyway, peering around the corner. She sat on the edge of her bed, frowning at him. He took the bull by the horns, remembering his chat with Callum the night before. Somehow, it had seemed much less frightening then. Now, faced with the anxiety that seemed to roll off her, doubt had begun to creep in.
Aware that he was standing there, staring at her, he cleared his throat quietly. “Can I come in?”
She shrugged sharply, indicating she didn’t care one way or the other, although her body language suggested otherwise. Easing the door closed behind him, he stood awkwardly, waiting.
“Where are they?” she asked, fear lurking beneath her words.
“In the kitchen.”
Taking a shuddering breath, her gaze sank to the floor. “Why are you still here?”
He slipped his hands into his pockets. “I was hoping we could talk – y’know, without all the yelling.”
She didn’t respond, even though he waited for longer than was comfortable.
“Can I sit down?”
She nodded reluctantly and he walked over to her, sidestepping her wheelchair and sitting down on the bed next to her. He braced his hands on his thighs, stealing a sideways glance at her.
“Are you alright?” he asked carefully. “That was pretty intense.”
“I’m fine.”
Clearly a knee-jerk reaction because she sounded far from it. He noticed she had replaced the shoe that had fallen off earlier. He stared at her shoes – flat, black and leather with thin straps that fit over the tops of her feet. The leather looked soft, giving him the impression of ballet slippers. The sort of shoe she used to hate. She preferred boots in the winter – her favorites being a purple leather pair with a two-inch heel that made them almost the same height – and in the summer, strappy sandals with heels in bright colors, the brighter the better.
Swallowing down the observation, he tried again. “I don’t know what just happened here but it feels like I’m missing something important.” He turned his attention from her shoes to her face as she sniffed. “Do you want to tell me what it is? Because I gotta say, Callum’s threatening to fill me in and I’d much rather hear it from you.”
She stared at the floor. As the seconds ticked by, he tried to imagine what the big revelation might be.
“Can we talk about this another time?” she said finally. “I don’t know if I can do this right now.”
He fought the temptation to yield, given she was obviously upset, but he couldn’t deny the feeling that this was some kind of defining moment. Callum was right – she was scared of letting him in. He had to find a way to show her that it was okay, whatever ‘it’ was.
“Talk to me,” he murmured, reaching over to enclose her hand in his. “Please?”
He could feel the calluses at the base of her fingers, and she was trembling. A study in paradoxes. So strong, yet so vulnerable. Tears slid down her cheeks, tearing at his heart. The pain was so raw, it scared him. Not a physical pain, but an emotional pain – a pain that settled in your soul and left scars. He knew because he had seen that look before, in the mirror.
“It’s not easy. Talking about this, thinking about it,” she said finally, in a voice that was heartbreakingly small.
He nodded, trying hard to keep his expression neutral when his heart told him that anything that had hurt her this much was going to hurt him even more.
“I did something,” she whimpered. “Something I really regret now.”
She squeezed his hand, as if willing him to stay with her while she got through this.
Maggie stopped halfway down the hallway, straining to hear.
“What’s going on?” Callum murmured as she frantically waved a hand behind her, urging him to be quiet.
They both stood motionless. After a few moments, she shrugged and tip-toed back to the kitchen, pushing him through the door on her way past.
“Well?” he asked, as she picked up her cup of coffee off the kitchen table.
“Can’t hear a thing.”