“Um, I’m gonna have to agree with Karl here,” Iolani says. “I can’t see the point?”
Gods. Fine. “I want to learn how to fight, because I want to learn how to deal with pain. Okay?”
Great. Now they’re both looking at me like I’m speaking gibberish.
“Enlilkian has figured out that if I am in too much pain, my craft won’t work.”
They’re still looking at me like the words coming out of my mouth aren’t clear.
I sigh. “When people fight, there is often pain, correct?”
Seriously, now. Is what I’m saying really that hard to understand?
“I want us to fight. And I want you to punch me,” I say slowly, “and I want it to hurt so I can train myself to work through pain.”
Ah. Okay, now they’ve got it, because they both jerk back. And then Karl laughs. “Good one, Chloe. You had us going there for a minute.”
“I’m serious!”
“Yeah? Then take this seriously.” He takes a step closer. “We are not going to beat the crap out of you no matter what benefits you think it has.”
“Chloe, surely you realize how crazy this sounds,” Iolani says.
“You know what’s crazy? Me not being able to will one of those things out of existence because I am in so much pain I can’t even think of the words I need to do so. I keep going up against Enlilkian, only to have him keep kicking my ass.” I hop back off the counter. “This last time, everything I tried to do to him failed. Nothing I made could not be unmade by him. And then he beat the shit out of me so I had no chance of doing anything, anyway.” I resist the urge to scream out my frustration. “I need to take him out. I need to do it soon. I keep failing. There are people dying and I am the only one who can take him out, so ... I need somebody to help me figure out how to manage my pain. I’m asking you guys for that help.”
Uneasiness shines from Iolani’s dark eyes. “Why not ask Jonah? He’s an Emotional.”
“Jonah is not an option for this. Neither is Kellan.”
“Why are you not using the shields I taught you?”
I turn to find Kopano standing in the doorway. The Batswana Hider’s hands are stuffed in his pockets as he regards me with his nearly black eyes.
“You came to me over a year ago to learn how to make personal shields. I am no Emotional, but I believe it might be possible to construct a shield in your mind to block pain receptors. I cannot guarantee this, though. But it might be worth a try?”
Goose bumps race up and down my arms. Could the solution I’m looking for really be so simple?
Several hours later, I’m perilously close to shattering every last breakable object in the bunker.
Back when Kopano first taught me how to create personal shields, I had to work my butt off to get them right. It took extreme concentration and dedication to erect solid shields that would not fail me. And even then, it took further concentration to hold onto them so they would last. Nothing Hiders erect are permanent; most are required to go into a meditative state to hold onto what they build. Annar’s shields, for example, have to be fortified by a Creator as it becomes impractical for Hiders to spend every waking moment holding up their constructions.
But here I am, working on trying to create shields to block pain, and I am failing miserably. Every pinch I give myself is still felt.
“You will be black and blue if you keep that up,” Kopano says to me while we take a break.
Too late. Tiny discolorations bloom up and down my arms, but I have very little other choice. Neither Karl nor Iolani were willing to hit or slap me during my afternoon lesson and I sure as heck wasn’t about to ask Jonah or Kellan to do it. So here I am, pinching myself, hating myself for my weaknesses, and wishing with everything I have that I could already master this already.
Too much is at stake otherwise.
“It’s weird swimming so far down underground, isn’t it?” Iolani says one afternoon.