Not taking my eyes off of Herman and Patrick, I nodded. “Yeah.” Turning, I walked into the kitchen. As I walked over to the fridge to get myself a drink, I asked, “Do you guys want anything to drink or eat?”
“No thanks, honey, I’m good,” my mom said.
“Um, no thank you,” my dad muttered.
After I grabbed a can of soda from the fridge, I closed it. Popping the top, I lifted the soda can to my mouth and took a healthy gulp. Allowing the foam to burn my throat, I thought about why exactly my parents were here. Well, my dad, more like it. Now was not the time to start an argument.
Letting out a breath, I walked over to the dinner table where they were both sitting. As I sat down across from them, I placed my can on the table. Taking a deep breath, I placed my hands on the table in front of me. Without looking at him I asked, “Why are you here, Dad?”
“Will you look at me?” he asked timidly.
I looked into his eyes. It seemed like he was in pain. I had never seen my dad look like this before. He just looked worried and… scared.
Very carefully my dad lifted his hand up and started to place it on top of mine. The second I felt his skin, I closed my eyes. My bottom lip involuntarily started to quiver and I could feel tears forming in my eyes.
“Please open your eyes when I tell you this, Derrick,” my dad asked in a small voice.
Very carefully I opened my eyes and I was shocked to see tears forming in my dad’s eyes. As he blinked, one, two, three, four tears fell from them. Lifting his other hand to his mouth, he sucked in a breath. Holding up his pointer finger, Dad said, “Please just give me a minute.”
I wanted to look over at my mom, but I couldn’t. I needed to see my dad’s reaction. I had no idea what was going on but I needed to just see him like this. Vulnerable. When I grew up, my dad always put up a front. He could never just relax and be himself. It seemed like he was never… real.
“I’m sorry, Derrick,” he choked out. “I’m so, so sorry for what I did to you.” He nodded his head towards the living room. “To Patrick. It just wasn’t right and I’m so sorry. I know those two words don’t mean a lot but—”
I shook my head. “Dad, those two words mean more to me than you will ever know.”
“I love you, Derrick, and um,” shaking his head, Dad said, “I want you to be whoever you want to be.” “Most importantly, Derrick, I just want you to be happy in the decisions you make. I don’t want you to question what others are thinking. Especially your parents.” Dad held tightly onto my hands.
Getting my hands out from under Dad’s, I stood up from the table. With tears pouring from my eyes, I walked as fast as I could to the other side of the table and wrapped my arms around my dad. Holding tightly to the back of his shirt, I sobbed into his chest. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to have the parents I did. While we did struggle, the outcome was beautiful.
Hearing a chair push back, I then felt my mom’s arms wrap around the two of us. Kissing me on the cheek, she said, “We love you so much, Derrick. That will never change. We just want you to be happy. Because if you’re happy, then we’re happy.”
Letting go of one another, I wiped away the salty liquid from my face. Taking steady breaths in and out, I looked at my parents. Smiling at them, Patrick ran through my mind because I couldn’t believe the love and compassion he had for me and the relationship I had with my parents.
“That man in there loves you, Derrick. A lot,” my dad said. “We couldn’t ask or hope for more than that.”
Wiping more tears away, I nodded and said, “I know, Dad. I love him, too.” And I wasn’t ashamed to say it to my parents.
Quickly my dad wrapped his arms around me. Resting his head in the crook of my neck, my dad kissed my cheek and whispered, “That’s what we want, Derrick. We don’t care who it’s with. Everyone deserves to find love. Why should anyone stop it?” Moving his head back to look into my eyes, he smiled. “You two are meant for each other.”
Pulling my dad into my arms, I squeezed him. “I love you so much, Dad.”
Sucking in a breath, he said, “I love you, Derrick. No matter what.”
***
“Evelyn Christiansen was an amazing woman—” the preacher said as he talked about Patrick’s grandmother. The rest was mumbled and jumbled up. It was just noise in the background to be honest, because at the forefront of my mind was Patrick.
Hearing him gasp next to me, I wrapped my arm around Patrick. As I pulled him in to me, I kissed his forehead. “It’s okay, Patrick.” Sitting next to him was Herman. I couldn’t imagine what he was going through. I couldn’t wrap my head around it.
My parents stayed for the funeral. They wanted to be there for Patrick and Herman. I couldn’t believe how quickly everything was turning around for all of us. I was just saddened that it had to happen during a death. I truly wish my parents had been able to meet Evelyn. I know for a fact they would have loved her and she would have loved them.