“Well?” I asked.
“Where is your anger now?” He was studying me closely and I felt like an insect under a magnifying glass. It was another thing I loved and hated about the man. Goose was a people reader. He loved watching people, learning about them and unlocking their secrets.
I shrugged. “I’m not angry.”
“I know you’re not. You’re finally in control. When I entered the apartment, you were so twitchy you couldn’t sit still, like a drug addict eager for your next hit. Why do you think that is?”
“I don’t know,” I drawled. “Maybe it has something to do with the vampire who is in love with my former boyfriend and wants to kill me?”
“It’s the amulet,” he stated with total conviction. “As time passes, it’s only going to get worse. You’ll become paranoid, jumping at your own shadow. You’ll think everyone wants to take it from you, and you won’t want to be separated from its power. It goes both ways, too. The amulet likes you. It feasts on the light and dark you feed it. That’s why you’re perfect to master it. You’re a combination of the things it needs most.”
A horrible state of awareness struck. Clarity, like a blinding ray of light breaking through dark clouds, made me realize just how stupid I’d been, how goddamned stubborn. I’d done plenty of douchetastic things in my life, back when I was alone in the world. There were no friends. Aside from the sister who tried to kill me, there was no family. It was just me, surviving day to day. I owned my mistakes, even if I was ashamed of myself at times. No one but me took the heat when the shit hit the fan.
But this…
Son of a bitch.
Goose was right.
The last few weeks I’d been more agitated than usual. I contributed it to what was going on between me and Disco. Although I shouldered a portion of the blame for what transpired, so did my lover. He’d broken my trust and heart. I’d been so fixated on the past I hadn’t truly thought about the future.
I dug deep down, thinking about how I felt. Here and now.
A chill rushed through me. For the first time in weeks, I wasn’t as angry or annoyed. I was just myself, worried about Goose and his visit, as well as what was going to happen when I handed over Sucker. What would happen to Disco? To Paine? Self-preservation didn’t seem so important. Fear for my safety and those I cared for were my primary concerns.
My stomach knotted, making me uneasy. “When did you get all this knowledge?”
“Sonja isn’t the only person with access to information.” With a knowing look, he added, “I’ve been watching you. You can’t tell you’ve changed, Rhiannon. You have no idea how different you’ve become.”
“Why do I feel like I’m not going to like where you’re going with this?”
“Because you’re not. You’re experiencing real emotion right now. Not a fabrication. It doesn’t come along with a cloud of confusion because as a mortal woman you’ll do what it takes to live. The amulet removes that natural instinct. That’s why I’ve asked you to get rid of it. The thing is no good.”
“You’re just telling me this now?” Ethan McDaniel’s timing wasn’t just shitty, it totally fucking sucked. “When there’s so much at stake?”
“I tried to tell you before, but when you became confrontational, I backed off. I thought I had more time to convince you to listen to me.”
Everything came together in a stark moment of understanding. “And now there isn’t any time.”
“Exactly. You need your wits about you. You need to be the woman you were before you became enthralled by dark magic. The amulet clouds your mind and encourages you to make bad decisions.”
“The amulet belongs to a fallen angel. It can’t be all that dark.”
“Which goes to show that you’re doing your research all wrong.”
I exhaled softly, preparing for a lecture. “Go ahead, give it to me.”