“It did and it does. I’ve had to make a decision, even if I don’t want to. I’ve been a familiar longer than I’ve been your confidant. You draw a line in the sand and don’t leave your friends”—there was acid in his voice when he said the word—“with any other choice, and they’ll be forced to turn their backs on you. That’s your decision. Your choice. Not ours.”
A heavy knot of foreboding formed in my gut. Somehow I’d forgotten that Goose, despite becoming a close friend of mine, had only known me for a short period of time. No wonder he wasn’t taking my side. He felt cornered with no hope of escape.
“Did Disco send you here?”
“He didn’t have to. I know what will occur if you don’t do as Marius asks. I wanted to speak to you this morning but you’d already left.” He shook his head, jaw spasming sporadically. “Horrible mistake, by the way.”
“What did I do wrong this time?” Or maybe it would have been easier to ask what I managed to get right for a change.
“Marius saw the bags in Gabriel’s bedroom and assumed you hadn’t moved in. When you left, going about your merry little way, it confirmed his suspicion.”
Double standards, how they piss me off.
“What about you?” I snapped. “You don’t live there either and it’s just fine and dandy. Why should it be an issue if I don’t?”
He stared directly at my neck, at the fading circular marks Disco had left behind. “Do you really have to ask?”
I didn’t realize I’d used my hand to conceal the nearly invisible punctures until Goose informed me. “You and Gabriel have issues. I get that. But it’s time for you to put on your big girl panties and grow up. Take your own advice for a change.”
Another first—a weird one, too. “You did not just say big girl panties.”
The air was so thick with tension it weighed everything down, exerting an invisible pressure on my shoulders and chest. “I’m not sure what’s going on between you, Gabriel, and Paine, but you’re going to have to come to terms with it, accept it, and stop pretending. Pretending means you’re only going halfway, and halfway will get you killed. Come to terms with things, sort them out, and do what you have to.”
The walls were coming down around me. There was no safe place to hide when a person was backed into a corner. “You’re sure I have no other choice?”
“I wouldn’t be here otherwise. You might think I’m being extreme, but the truth is I’m doing the last thing I can for you as a friend. If you care about any of us—if you love any of us—hand the knife over. Don’t waste any more time. The gesture is coming late, but it might be enough. Take the risk and find out.”
“I’ll get the knife and bring it to Marius tonight.”
Victoria might kill me, but she was a problem I could deal with later, and there were other options available. Having Goose show up like this, unkempt and frantic, terrified me. He wasn’t a liar; it wasn’t his style. He came to me as a warning, to give me an opportunity to do the right thing. I didn’t want to give Marius the dagger, but I would if it meant protecting myself and those around me.
“Swear it. Give me your word.”
I wanted to skirt past Goose’s gaze, but I couldn’t. There was so much desperation staring back at me, so much fear. He was never like this. Never, ever. It was like learning your beloved family pet was now a rabid canine—Old Yeller of the human variety.
“I swear.” Just to be a smartass, I made an X across my chest and smiled. “Cross my heart and hope to die.”
My gesture of good will didn’t amuse him. He didn’t even crack a grin. “Don’t say that, Rhiannon.”
“Why not?”
He sighed, came to me, and cupped my arms—gently this time. “You don’t have to hope.” He squeezed but the gesture wasn’t soothing. It was firm, and came along with a sound and deafening observation. “Death is already knocking at your door.”
I wanted to please Goose, but enough was enough. If I allowed terror to control me, my attempt to do the right thing was doomed to fail. I crumbled under the stress, thinking only of myself and survival. It was an instinct I’d learned, one that would never fully go away.