In the long run Ana had done him a favour. Never again would he fall for the fantasy of love.
Luisa reeled from the shocking truth. The harsh light in his eyes as he’d spoken of his stepmother made her shiver.
Or was that because of the revelation that he’d once loved Ana?
Did he love her still? Despite his vehement denial, it was clear she still evoked strong emotion in him.
Nausea rose, threatening to choke Luisa. Raul had taken her with the compulsion of a man staking his claim.
Or a man intent on obliterating the past.
Had he really wanted her? Or had his pent-up passion been for the woman who’d rejected him yet still had a place in his life? Was Luisa a stand-in?
She bit her lip.
He’d said he didn’t believe in love. Had he already fallen so hard for Ana he couldn’t escape his feelings?
And if not, why did the idea of Raul, deprived of love as a child and now rejecting it as an adult, fill Luisa with sadness?
CHAPTER ELEVEN
LUISA peeked through slitted eyes as Raul dressed. She’d fallen into an exhausted sleep despite the swirl of disturbing thoughts his revelations had produced.
Hours ago they’d scaled the heights of bliss and she’d felt absurdly as if she’d found the other half of her soul in his arms, especially when he’d then begun to open up a little about his life.
But his later revelations about Ana had poisoned that heady pleasure and made her doubt.
What did Raul feel? Would she ever know?
She swallowed a knot of distress. The best she could do for herself, and the man she feared she was coming to care too much for, was be sensible—take a day at a time and try to build a workable marriage.
Easier said than done when just looking at him made her heart clench.
Hair slicked back from the shower, strong hands knotting his tie, Raul looked more potently sexy than any man had a right to.
Was this how his other lovers felt when he left them? She breathed through the hurt.
There could never be love between them.
Raul had closed himself off from that possibility. His bitterness over his father’s wife skewed his emotions so much he’d admitted he’d never trust a woman, or love, again.
Who could blame him, after the devastating betrayal he’d suffered? Pain seared her as she recalled the stoical way he’d revealed the bare bones of the awful story. But her imagination filled in some of the blanks.
What had it been like seeing the woman he’d loved living with another man—his own father? Adopting an air of unconcern in public and riding out the storm of speculation that surely must have howled around them all? She cringed thinking of the salacious gossip that must have circulated.
And facing his father—staying loyal and supporting him both publicly and, from what she’d heard, privately too, taking the brunt of responsibility for the kingdom.
She could barely imagine how bereft Raul must have felt at his father’s lack of loyalty or caring.
Luisa had been scarred by her grandfather’s actions, but at least she’d had the unquestioned support and love of her parents. Raul hadn’t had that!
No wonder he closed himself off behind duty and a work schedule that would tax any workaholic. No wonder he found no difficulty marrying without emotion.
Was it possible he could ever learn to trust? To love?
‘You’re awake.’ Dark eyes snared hers and something melted inside.
‘You have to go?’ Where had that come from? She sounded so needy.
‘I’d hoped to stay here.’ Heat flickered in his eyes as he took in the shape of her under the sheet. His nostrils flared and suddenly Luisa felt that now-familiar spark of desire flicker into life. Stupid to feel pleased that he obviously didn’t relish leaving. It only meant her husband was virile, with an appetite for sex.
A very healthy appetite.
‘There was a phone call.’ He turned away to pick up his jacket. ‘Urgent business.’
It was on the tip of Luisa’s tongue to ask what business was so important it interrupted a honeymoon, when she remembered they weren’t sharing one. Even the day after the wedding they’d been out and about on public show.
They didn’t have that sort of marriage. Theirs was a convenient union . Remember?
She turned away, battling deep sadness.
‘I’m sorry, Luisa.’ He startled her, speaking from beside the bed. ‘This is one matter I can’t ignore.’ She stared up into his brooding face. ‘It’s to do with the unrest I mentioned. I’m needed.’
She nodded. He had a country to run. That would always be his priority. Only now did she begin to understand how important that was to him. Through personal crises, his royal responsibilities at least had remained constant. No wonder he was so focused on them. Had they provided solace when he’d most needed it?
‘You have a heavy schedule,’ she said to fill the silence.
‘You get used to it. I’ve been preparing for the work since I was four.’
The reminder sent a shiver down her spine. Raul had said any child of his would be brought up differently and she’d fight tooth and nail to ensure no child of hers was ‘moulded’ in that heartless way. She had to make a stand—for herself and for her family if she ever had one.
Luisa sat up against the headboard, drawing the sheet over her breasts and trying to ignore the flash of interest in Raul’s eyes.
‘I’ll get up too. I have plans for this afternoon.’
‘Plans? There are no appointments scheduled.’
‘I want to meet with Gregor and the other gardeners. You have no objection to the parterre garden and some of the other spaces being renewed, do you?’ It was a spur of the moment decision but she refused to spend the afternoon here, pining over the state of her marriage.
‘No, of course not. It’s overdue. But I can detail one of my staff to oversee it. It will need consultation, not just with the ground staff but with the castle historian, as well as kitchen and event staff. It’s not just a matter of gardening.’
‘That will be a good way to get to know them.’ Luisa needed something to sink her teeth into, something to focus on other than Raul. She didn’t want to think about the emotions he inspired for fear of what she’d discover.
‘You don’t need to work, Luisa.’
Her brows rose. ‘You expect me to loll in the lap of luxury while you work the day after your wedding?’
‘I regret that. I’d much prefer to stay.’ The glint in his eyes made her pulse hammer erratically but she ignored it.
‘I need something to do. A purpose. I’d go crazy without that. I’m used to working.’
Raul lifted a hand to his already perfectly knotted tie and for a split second she’d have said he looked uncomfortable.
‘Your lessons don’t keep you busy?’
‘That’s not enough.’ She’d never been good at formal lessons. Her language skills were improving but if she had to learn about one more Maritzian monarch or the correct way to greet a grand duke, she’d scream.
Besides, the intensive lessons evoked memories of her long ago stay in Ardissia. The rigid discipline and the judgemental faces were missing, but she couldn’t shake the notion she’d never live up to expectations.
Raul surveyed her, his face unreadable. ‘Soon you’ll be busy with official duties. As my consort there’ll be plenty of events where you’re required.’
‘Being seen at openings and fetes?’ She shook her head and sat straighter. ‘That’s not me.’ Despite the makeover, she’d never be the glamorous clothes horse people liked to stare at in magazines. Wearing those stunning couture clothes, she felt like a fraud. Not like herself.