Never Been Ready

~Leah~



There were so many light bulbs.

They flashed and flared, memorizing our every move from the second we arrived, and their reign over the event seemed endless. I didn't think I'd be able to see straight for years.

Declan and I had spent a magical twenty-four hours in Los Angeles. We had taken a moonlit walk on the beach where I'd dipped my toes into the Pacific Ocean for the first time. Holy f*ck, it was cold. How did people swim in that water? When Declan had threatened to throw me in, I'd sworn that I would never wear lipstick again. That had ended the water threats in a heartbeat.

He had woken me up with breakfast in bed, bringing me an omelet with fresh avocado and a side of strawberries from a local farm. I'd understood why California was known for their produce. It was amazing. When I had felt pleasantly stuffed, he'd taken me shopping on Rodeo Drive. I'd felt like I'd stepped into a scene from Pretty Woman —minus the fact that I was not Julia Roberts or a hooker.


But the shopping had been similar. He wouldn't let me look at any price tags, and he'd told me the sky was the limit. He'd sat back and let me play dress-up for him for hours. Never once had he gotten bored. He'd watched me come out of the dressing room, wearing each dress, and his eyes would darken and flare with heat. I hadn't known shopping could turn a man on so much. In fact, at one point, he'd asked the woman assisting me for a few moments alone, so he could help me decide, and instead, we'd gotten busy in the dressing room. Yep, I'd had sex in a dressing room on Rodeo Drive. I was such a classy slut.

And now, one dress, a pair of ridiculously expensive shoes, and a professional hair and makeup session later, we had arrived to an actual Hollywood movie premiere.

All I could think was, Don't fall, don't fall.

As if sensing my nervousness, Declan leaned his head toward mine as his arm wrapped possessively around my waist. "You look breathtaking. You'll be fine. Just smile, and I'll do the rest."

I nodded, and to my surprise, he gave me a tender kiss before we entered the press area where the vultures would descend.

First, I felt actual pity for celebrities because they had to stand for that long and smile. It was agonizing. My face felt like it was going to cramp, and of course, we had to endure even more attention and scrutiny because Declan had never, ever brought someone to an event. He apparently very rarely ever showed up to events at all, so this was big news.

The last twenty-four hours had really opened my eyes. I knew, in the back of my head, that Declan was famous, that he was well known. This had been confirmed every time we had walked down the street or had been stopped in a store. But people in Virginia were different about it. They were polite, shy even. When they had approached him, they had been hesitant as if they couldn't really comprehend it was him right there in front of them.

Here, people held nothing back. Cameras were in his face whether they were held by a news crew, paparazzi, or fans. People wanted pictures with him everywhere we went. And, oh my God, the screaming —I couldn't get over the screaming. As soon as we exited the limo, women cried out blood-curdling screams. It was deafening.

We made our way through the flashing lights, stopping every so often to smile and pose again. Declan never strayed from my side. His arm was firmly fastened to my waist. He was announcing our status loud and clear, and I liked it —a lot.

As we walked by the screeching fans, yelling things like, "Marry me, Declan," and other things I'd rather not say, I might have slid my hand resting on his waist a bit lower, slipping it into the pocket of his suit pants over his firm ass. Declan looked over at me, giving me an arched brow, and I just smirked.

"Being a little evil tonight, aren't we?" he seductively whispered in my ear.

"Just making sure they understand you're taken."

"Well then, you should do it properly."

Pulling me to him, he slowly kissed me, wrapping his fingers from one hand around my neck while the other hand went around my waist. I swore I heard the crowd sigh. He turned back to the puddle of goo that used to be the crowd and flashed his award-winning smile as he gave a wink.

"Sorry, ladies. I just couldn't help myself. Love does crazy things to a man."

And just like that, the previously rabid fans were now the charter members of the Decah Fan Club.

Giving me a smug grin, we made our exit from the crowds and walked toward my most feared part of the night —well, besides the sex scene —the interviews. What if they asked me shit, and I sounded stupid? What if I embarrassed Declan?

He squeezed my hand in reassurance as he told me that I was doing fantastic, and we took the last few steps to his first interview. An overly made-up woman started firing off questions, and Declan handled her like a pro. The first were a series of questions about the movie, so I relaxed a bit.

This movie, Crossroads, was about a love triangle, and Declan had explained that he was not the chosen one in the end. The heroine, trying to decide between her bad-boy neighbor and her long-lost love, finally comes to her senses in the end...but not before she shakes a few walls with my boyfriend. I was totally looking forward to witnessing that.

The interviewer asked why Declan had chosen the movie and how he enjoyed his costar. He was polite and said she had been a delight to work with. I hid my smile, remembering him describe her as a pain in the ass.

Finally, running out of relevant questions, the woman looked to me. "And I see you've brought a date, Declan! Care to introduce us to the new woman in your life?"

He looked at me and grinned. "This is my lovely girlfriend, Leah, joining me tonight."

And then came the question Declan had prepared me for. "And what are you wearing, Leah?"

Apparently, this was the most important question of the evening, and Declan had told me to be prepared to repeat it over and over again.

I answered quickly, remembering the designer of my gorgeous floor-length, mermaid-style red dress that fit me like a glove and made my ass and boobs look like a million bucks. This was the dress that had Declan attacking me in the dressing room.

The interviewer smiled before saying I looked beautiful, and then she wished us a lovely evening.

Holy shit, it was over.

Until we had to go to the next one.

But I made it through all of them without tripping over my words. I'd even managed to answer a few questions outside of my wardrobe. It had gotten easier, and I'd learned to ignore the camera —for the most part.

"Who the hell are you?" Declan said as we made our way into the theater.

"What do you mean?" I asked, suddenly concerned I'd done something wrong.

"That was amazing. You were smooth, cool, and collected, and you had those interviewers eating out of the palm of your hand. It was f*cking hot."

A sly grin spread across my face. "Did you learn a thing or two, Hotshot?"

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves, babe. Don't want your head to explode."

Once inside, Declan saw someone he needed to have a word with, and he asked if I'd be all right for a minute by myself. I assured him that I would be fine, and I was a big girl, so he ran off to talk shop for a minute. I took the opportunity to run to the ladies' room to touch up my makeup and use the restroom. I had no idea how long it would take to wrestle out of this dress.

After finishing my business and managing to suck my body back into the dress, I was touching up my makeup when the restroom door opened, and I was face-to-face with Melody Quinn, Declan's costar and the woman I'd have to witness him having fake sex with in a matter of minutes.

She looked regal and elegant in a dark blue gown that made her sapphire eyes shimmer against her ivory skin. The long black ebony hair she was known for was cascading down her back in perfect waves. I suddenly felt inadequate next to all of her upscale sophistication.

"You are Declan's date?" she asked, showing off a dazzling smile.

"Yes, his girlfriend actually," I corrected.

"Girlfriend? Oh, please, honey. Is that what he told you? He told me the same thing when I fell into his bed, and then he left me just as fast. That man doesn't even know the meaning of the word."

My heart started racing, and I felt light-headed. I looked at her as she placed an arm on my shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. She gave me a sad look as she tried to comfort me.

"Oh God, I see I've upset you. I didn't mean to be so blunt. I didn't know you were so attached. Oh, sweetie, here...let me help you get a cab. We'll get you out of here before he even knows you've left!" she said brightly.


I nodded absently, walking with her, as we exited the bathroom. Everything whirled around me, and I couldn't seem to focus. Did he lie? Why would he lie to me about something like that?

And just like that, I stopped.

I looked at her again, and her eyes were bright and shining, like she had just won a prize. She was a good actress, but she wasn't that good.

"You know, I'm pretty sure I would have realized if Declan had slept with someone like you," I said coldly.

She started to realize that her little plan wasn't working out quite the way she'd hoped. "Oh, and why is that?"

"Well, his man parts would probably have shriveled up and died by now just from the contact. And since he's still hung like a horse and f*cking me several times a day, I'd say you're lying through your teeth. So, why don't you go find some other naive newbie to play around with, bitch?"

If her eyes got any bigger, they were going to pop right out of her Botox-filled head. She turned and stormed off, like I'd just taken her favorite toy away in the sandbox.

Laughing silently to myself, I realized I was in the exact place where Declan had left me. He came sauntering up, looking hot as ever in his black Armani suit.

He leaned in and gave me a kiss on the collarbone, completely oblivious to the verbal fight I'd just had. "Sorry it took so long. We good here?" he whispered.

I just smiled back. "Yeah, we're great."





~Declan~



If I wasn't convinced before, I was now one hundred percent sure that Leah could do anything, hold her own anywhere, and master any situation. I had basically just thrown her into the lion's den, and she had come out completely unscathed. Right around the last turn into the event, as the limo had pulled into the front, I had seriously started to doubt my sanity in bringing her here.

We had been happy in our own secluded little part of the world, away from my crazy life. Why would I willingly bring her here? She knew me and loved me the way I was in Virginia, but here, it was a completely different world. What if she panicked and couldn't handle the life I had? I could lose her in an instant.

But, like so many times before, I'd underestimated this amazing woman I'd fallen in love with. I could tell she had been feeling nervous. I could see it in her eyes and the way she had constantly kept fidgeting with her hands, but she'd stepped up and took charge, learning the twisted game as we went. Every step we had taken, she'd become more confident, more sure of herself, and I had fallen even more in love with her. She had taken my crazy, chaotic life and had run with it, holding my hand as my partner. It was humbling.

I'd even felt confident to leave her for a few minutes, stepping away so I could talk to a director I'd been hoping to get a word with. Those few minutes had paid off, and I thought I had my chance to get a very important foot in the door. As I'd returned, Leah might not have noticed that I had seen her putting my costar Melody in place, but I had. I'd worked with Melody for a few weeks, so I knew her various faces and moods, and I knew when she was pissed. I didn't know why Leah hadn't wanted to share her run-in, but from the smile on her face, I could only guess that she had been the victor, which didn't surprise me. Leah could hold her own —I had no doubt about that.

With my arm on the small of her back, I ushered her to our seats just before the lights dimmed. I was nervous. I hated seeing myself in films. It was weird, and I constantly criticized every move, action, and word, wondering if I could have done it better, different. It was maddening. Plus, this film included my first sex scene, and to add to that, I'd brought the woman I loved.

God, I was an idiot. I should just go now.

"You okay, Hotshot?" Leah whispered as the opening credits began.

I nodded, but she leaned in further.

"You're nervous." It wasn't a question.

She weaved her fingers through mine, and I savored the warmth of her delicate skin. Taking a deep breath, I tried to calm myself as the movie began.

I was a secondary character, and I didn't come into the storyline until about midway, so watching up until that part was easy. My foot bounced in anticipation, knowing my scenes were coming up soon.

When Melody's character went to her next door neighbor's door and knocked, I appeared, and I wanted to throw up. F*ck, I needed to leave. This was why I usually ducked out when the movie started or why I wouldn't show up at all. Maybe this was a sign that I hadn't been made for acting. When I couldn't even sit in the same theater and watch my own film, hating every word I said, every gesture I gave, perhaps it was a clue that I was meant for something else.

Her eyes never leaving the movie screen, Leah's hand ran down my thigh as she whispered in my ear, "You look so f*cking sexy."

It was exactly what I needed to hear to break the tension running through my body. Her voice was the calm that helped me come back down from my epic freak-out. Relaxing, I countered, "Yeah, how sexy?"

"So sexy, I'm wondering why we've never watched one of your movies before. That could be fun."

"We'll put that on the schedule, babe."

Watching the movie with Leah as she whispered in my ear and ran her hand down my thigh made the minutes go by quickly, and before I knew it, we were at the part I had been dreading. I recognized it immediately when Leah's entire body tensed. Her fingernails dug into the fabric of my pants, and she gasped. Just as Melody and I were about to go at it, Leah's eyes darted down from the screen, and her breathing increased. It wasn't a warm, gentle love scene. I was the side road the heroine took on her way to true love. We f*cked, and for everyone in the theater, I was sure it was hot. For the two of us though, it was torture.

Leah was shutting down, and I didn't blame her. Movies today did a very good job of making love scenes look real, and in her mind, all she could picture was what was on that screen and how authentic it appeared.

"Hey."

No answer.

"Leah, look at me," I whispered.

She blinked, looking at me finally.

"Close your eyes, and shut it out," I said gently. "Focus on my voice, and on the feel of my hands. I'm here with you, no one else."

Eyes still closed, she nodded and took a steady deep breath.

"You are the only woman I want. You and I are real. I could do a hundred scenes like this, and none of them would ever change the way I feel about you. You're it for me. I love you, Leah —only and always you."

She opened her eyes, finally catching my gaze, no longer focused on the movie. Everything else disappeared —the theater, the people around us. It was just her as she said the four words I would spend the rest of my life making her never regret.

"I love you, too."





~Leah~



We skipped the after-party, taking our leave shortly after the ending credits. I thought we'd both had enough socializing for the evening.

Seeing Declan on the big screen wasn't a new experience for me. I'd seen every movie he'd done. But that had been all before I actually knew him, before he'd walked into that bar so many months ago and completely changed my life.

Seeing him act now was completely different. I knew his mannerisms, his smile, and his laugh now. I knew every expression he displayed, and now, when I saw his movies, I could tell he was acting. It was Declan in the movie, but it wasn't him. Because of this, while watching him on the big screen now, I'd felt an overwhelming sense of pride. I could see the talent and power he had when he acted, knowing he wasn't just regurgitating lines but actually taking on his character. It was completely engrossing, and I'd gotten swept away when watching him.


Until the sex scene. I had been so invested in my sexy conversation with Declan and watching his character on the screen, that the love scene had completely blindsided me. I didn't know why. It wasn't like it had come out of left field. It had quite the normal buildup.

God, it had been awful. It had felt like walking in on my boyfriend doing it with another woman, except I'd gotten to see it in twelve different angles with perfect lighting as it was set to music. It had been a horrid experience.

When Declan had turned to me and told me to tune it all out, I had. I'd shut it all off, focusing on his voice and the feel of his touch. He'd brought me back to reality, reminding me that in the real world, he was mine. When I'd tried to apologize for freaking out on him, he'd covered my mouth with his, ending my attempts before they could even begin.

In the limo ride home, Declan said he was starving, and I agreed. I hadn't wanted to eat before the event. I had felt too scared that I wouldn't fit into my dress. So Declan had the driver take us to this hole-in-the-wall Mexican place. I raised my eyebrows when we pulled in. He just laughed, gave me a quick kiss, and said he'd be back in a few minutes. I was just glad he wasn't making me go in. I'd look a little ridiculous ordering tacos in my ruby red ensemble. After about ten minutes of putzing around on my phone, Declan popped back in with two bags of food, and then we were on our way. We got back to his place, and a few minutes later, he was spreading out the food on the coffee table in the spacious living room overlooking the ocean.

I looked down at my dress before taking another glance at the food. I needed to change, but I was so damn hungry.

"Declan, can you unzip me?"

"Yes. The answer to that question is always yes," he joked.

He came over and slowly unzipped my dress, placing a sweet kiss on the sensitive skin of my neck as he did so.

"Thank you." I turned and shrugged out of my dress, letting it fall to the floor.

Wearing nothing but a lace thong since my dress came with a built in bra, I headed over to the coffee table and sat down on the floor. Declan stared at me, dumbfounded.

"What?" I asked innocently.

"You're seriously going to eat like that?"

"Well, you didn't think I was going to eat greasy tacos in a three-thousand dollar dress, did you?"

"That's an excellent point. I shouldn't be eating tacos in Armani either."

He made quick work of his jacket, shoes, socks, pants, and shirt. He left nothing on but a black pair of boxers that hung low on his hips. I bit my lip when he turned, and I saw the top of his rock-hard butt cheek peeking out of his waistband. The jerk probably did that on purpose.

"So, shall we eat?" He grinned.

"Absolutely." I smiled. I couldn't wait to see who caved first.

"So, why did we stop by a Mexican joint in a limo, sporting formalwear?"

"This is not just any Mexican food. This is the best Mexican food ever."

"Um, okay. That's some serious passion about Mexican food. You know we have Mexican food in Virginia, right?" I argued.

"No, no, you don't. You have food that pretends to be Mexican food. This? This is the real deal."

"Okay. You sound a bit crazy, but I'll try it."

He was right. It was better. The smug bastard laughed, too, when I moaned after biting into a taco. Of course, that moan was also his undoing, and I threw a couple more in there for the fun of it. He lost it and tackled me to the ground, the food completely forgotten. We rolled around, kissing and laughing, until suddenly, Declan sobered. He rose above me, his eyes full of passion and purpose.

"You drive me crazy —all day, every day. I can never get enough. You are my first thought when I awake and the last as I drift off to sleep. I can't imagine how I existed without you, Leah, and for once in my life, I don't want to be alone anymore. Don't ever leave me. Please."

"How can you leave your own soul, Declan?"

He kissed me then, an earth-shattering, love-defining kind of kiss that shocked my very core.

"Make love to me," I begged.

He stood, picked me up, and carried me in his arms, heading out the double glass doors onto the wide deck facing the ocean. It was dark, but we could still hear the waves crashing against the shore.

He placed me on a chaise lounge and laid his warm body on mine. Rising to his knees, he slid my panties down my hips and dropped them to the ground. Needing to feel all of him, I peeled away his boxers, loving the way the moonlight highlighted the toned muscles of his body.

"I love you," he said softly as our bodies became one.

"I love you," I answered back.

Then, he kissed me fiercely, claiming me with his body and heart.

We made love under the stars, loving each other's bodies for hours. Afterward, I lay in his arms, enjoying the sounds of the ocean and the beat of his heart.

"I'm going to sell my house," Declan said, breaking the silence.

"What? Why?" I asked, panicked, rising to face him.

"Because I'm moving. That's what people generally do when they move."

"You're moving? Where? When?"

Panic started to seep into every molecule. He was moving? Where? Why didn't he tell me?

"Leah, I'm moving to Virginia —permanently."

"What? How can you do that?"

"Does it matter? My life means nothing if you aren't in it."

Tears blurred my eyes, and I felt them falling down my cheek. Why did this man always make me cry? "But what about directing? Your career?"

"I'm figuring it out. I've got a couple of things lined up. One thing I do know is that they have these fancy inventions called planes, and I can fly here if I need to. Plenty of actors and directors live outside of L.A., and they do perfectly fine. I can, too."

"Oh my God, are you sure? You have to be sure...because I'm not giving you back," I said, unable to believe this was happening.

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life."

"Okay, but one thing..."

"Anything," he answered, chuckling.

"One, don't sell the house," I pleaded.

"Why?"

"It's too pretty. I seriously love this house. Let's keep it as a winter house or whatever the hell you want to call it. You'll need some place to stay when you fly in anyway. Just don't get rid of my view...I mean, the view."

He laughed but agreed. We spent the next hour making plans of when, how, and what he would move. I'd never lived with a boy before. That would be fun.

We made our way inside and started getting ready for bed even though it was bordering on morning now.

"Hey, can I borrow a sweatshirt? I'm freezing from being outside for so long."

"Yeah, second drawer."

He continued to talk about his moving plans as I rummaged around in his drawer, getting caught up in all of his old sweatshirts —college sweatshirts, team sweatshirts. He even had a Planet Hollywood sweatshirt, which I found adorable. I chose that one and pulled it from the bottom of the stack, making a mess. Stuff spilled out of the drawer, and I bent over to pick it all up.

Several photographs fell during my epic mess-making, and I gathered them up before stuffing them back into the drawer, but the one on top caught my eye as I was shutting the drawer. The face —I recognized it. I pulled the photo back out and stared at it.

She was beautiful with long light brown hair and bright eyes. She looked younger than when I'd seen her. But where did I recognize her from? And why would I recognize someone Declan had a photo of?

"Hey, Declan. Who's this?"

"Oh, that's Heather, my ex-girlfriend from college," he answered, joining me from across the room.


I stared at it a second longer as Declan watched me. I was sure he was worried that I was going to go all jealous girlfriend on him, but I couldn't figure out that face.

The photo was haunting, and I couldn't place where I'd seen that face before.

The photo...a memory started to surface at the edge of my mind.

The boy...the boy in the hospital...the photo he'd had in his hand...the one from the fair of him and his mother.

The mother that had died. It was her.

Heather was dead, and I needed to tell Declan.

An image of the boy's eyes flashed through my memory, and I suddenly felt sick. I remembered sitting with the boy, thinking his eyes looked so familiar.

I turned and looked into Declan's eyes —the eyes I'd stared into a million times, fallen in love with, and memorized, so I could dream of them when I slept.

Oh God, they were the same.

"How long ago did you break up?" I asked, feeling my hands begin to shake.

"Uh, hmmm...well, I was twenty-four, so about eight years ago, a little less maybe. Why?"

Just then, he saw my hands shaking and my panicked expression.

"Leah, what is it? You're freaking me out here."

"I think you have a son."