Chapter Twenty-One
“Should I change or stay in this?” It was the third time I’d asked Liesl this question in the last fifteen minutes. She’d answered each and every time, but I couldn’t remember what she’d said—my mind was a mess of exhaustion and nervousness. I’d managed to nab a short nap in between packing and figured I’d catch up on the rest during the long flight. Until then, I had espresso.
Liesl spun on her barstool and grabbed my shoulders, looking me directly in the eye. “Laynie, chill the f*ck out. You’re making me insane.”
“Okay.” A thumping noise drew our eyes downward. It was the heel of my shoe, bouncing with the twitching of my leg. I put my hand on my thigh to still the movement. “Okay. Chilling.”
“Thank god.” She ran her eyes again over my short wraparound skirt and white button down blouse. “You look smokin’. But you should change into sweats for the flight so you can be all comfy and drool while you sleep and all that. Then change back into this in the airport bathroom.”
“Okay.” That’s right. That was the plan. I would have been in sweats already except that I was waiting for the club renter to show up.
Though I had plans to change the hours of The Sky Launch, we currently weren’t open on Sundays or Mondays. Occasionally a private party would rent the place for various functions. I didn’t know much about this particular rental situation. David had set it up. He would have handled the exchange too, except he’d left for Atlantic City after we’d closed that morning to check out Adora on the sly. I hated to admit it, but Hudson had made David’s life by giving him that job. It had been a good move.
Liesl turned back to the bar where she was creating some sort of counter artwork with olive spears. “Do you know where you’re going when you land?”
“Mira arranged for a car to pick me up and take me to his hotel.” Anxiousness pulsed through me again and I started pacing. “But what if he’s not there? What if I have to wait or what if I miss him? Or what if….” my stomach lurched at this thought, “what if he’s with someone?”
“He won’t be with anyone. He’s with you.”
“But how do you know?”
“I…” She paused as if she were going to say something and then changed to something else. “Just do.”
I scowled. That answer wasn’t satisfying.
“What? Are we in grade school?” She sighed. “I can tell by the way he looks at you. Everyone can. Come on, Laynie, he asked you to move in with him. After what? A week? He’s into you, girl.”
“All right, all right. You’re right.” I glanced at the clock above the bar. “The renters are supposed to be here in twenty. We should go down in case they get here early.”
“Um, okay.” Liesl suddenly looked as nervous as I felt. “Hold on a minute.” She shuffled the spears around then rearranged them in the same design.
Jesus, now she was the one making me crazy. “Leisl! They could be waiting at the door—”
“I’m coming, I’m coming.” She jumped from her stool. “Wait; one more thing.” She took her phone from her shorts pocket and typed a message to someone. “Okay. Let’s go.”
Internally, I rolled my eyes. “You didn’t have to come in tonight. I could have handled this myself.” I headed to the stairs at a fast pace but had to slow down to wait for Liesl, who was walking at turtle speed.
“I know. But I thought you could use the company. It’s not a good idea to be in the club alone.”
As if I wasn’t in the club alone all the time. Strange that she suddenly cared about that. “It was very thoughtful of you.”
“Uh-huh.” She bit her lip. “Um, are your bags packed?”
“Yep. Jordan will have them when he picks me up.” We continued the descent of the second flight of stairs and the main dance floor came into view. And my heart stopped. “What the…”
The floor was covered—absolutely covered—in red and white rose petals. The main lights had been turned off and candles were set on the tables surrounding the floor, illuminating the space with an ethereal white-yellow glow. It was beautiful and romantic.
Liesl made a small gasping sound. “Wowzers.”
It hadn’t been like that when I’d arrived only an hour before. Liesl had been with me the whole time, so it couldn’t have been her.
A figure stepped out of the shadows, his hands tucked casually in his pockets.
“Hudson?” Just like that, I forgot how to breathe. The sight of him…even in his rumpled attire, his suit jacket missing, his dress shirt untucked—he was stunning. “You did this?”
He nodded. His focus went to my friend. “Thank you, Liesl, for keeping her occupied.”
I turned to her, eyes wide. “You knew about this?” I still hadn’t fully grasped that he was the renter, that this whole arrangement was for me.
“Hey, he kept calling and you wouldn’t talk to him and then he trapped me into this whole surprise you thingamabob. He asked me to keep you busy upstairs while he did—” Liesl gestured at the room. “All this.” Her expression said she felt guilty about the betrayal. “He’s my boss, what was I supposed to say?”
“He’s not your boss,” I said, remembering his frequent claim to me.
At the same time, Hudson said, “I’m not your boss.”
My eyes flew to his at the dual mention of our inside joke. Then they were locked there, as if there were nothing else in the world to look at but him. As if the only things worth meaning could be found there.
And he gazed back at me with the same intensity.
Distantly, Liesl’s voice penetrated through the haze. “I’m going to slip out the back. ‘K, thanks.”
I’m not sure I even addressed Liesl. She was already gone—I was already alone. With Hudson.
Part of me wanted to run to him. But I couldn’t let myself. Even though I was ready to forget every bad thing that had transpired between us, I understood that if we didn’t fix things first, we could never last. So I walked to him instead, my legs shaking as I stepped down to the dance floor, and this time it wasn’t because of the espresso.
Though there were many things waiting on the tip of my tongue, he spoke first. “‘Bags packed’?” He stepped toward me, one brow raised. “Are you going somewhere?”
I could hear the tension in his voice. He thought I was leaving him. It made it that much sweeter to be able to say my next words. “Oh, nowhere special. Just Japan.”
“Because… I was in Japan?” His expression was so hopeful and adorable, I melted a little. Or a lot.
“Yeah.” I circled him, taking in the details of his setup. The tables draped with white cloths, the candlesticks letting off a vanilla fragrance. “I thought I could put my stalking skills to use to find you.”
“I would have liked to have been found by you.”
I turned back to face him, playing cool and flirty though my subtext was hot and needy. “Would you? I wasn’t sure.”
“Then you’re an idiot.”
“Thank you.”
“A beautiful idiot that I can’t take my eyes off of.”
I couldn’t stop looking at him either. Less than a week apart, it felt like I hadn’t seen him in a lifetime. We were still several feet apart. I took a step toward him, but the distance between us felt just as wide. There was no way I could get to him without…without saying everything.
“Hudson, I saw Celia behind your back.”
His eyes closed for half a second. “I’ve figured that out.”
“I should have told you.” I bit my lip, trying to come up with the right explanation of why I’d done what I’d done. “She was welcoming and supportive and I needed someone to talk to. It’s no excuse.”
His mouth straightened. “You could have talked to me.”
“We don’t always talk that well.”
“We need to work on that, then.”
My throat tightened. He still thought we had a chance. That made all the difference.
Yet there was still hard stuff to say. “You hurt me, Hudson.”
He took a breath so shaky I heard it shudder through him. “I know.”
“Do you?”
“Yes. I transferred David without talking to you.”
“Well.” There were other issues between us. I could let him off the hook on this one. “It turns out that’s probably for the best. It was a good compromise.”
“And I didn’t believe you.” He shook his head, looking down at the floor. “I should have believed you.” His eyes came back to mine. “I’m sorry.”
“Why didn’t you?”
He sighed. “I was more concerned with being the guy who would stand by you. I wanted you to know I’d help you, get you treatment.”
“I didn’t need treatment. I needed you to believe me and you didn’t.”
“We hadn’t had a good track record in being honest with each other. It was instinctual to doubt.”
My back stiffened. “Then it’s my fault that you took her word over mine?”
“I didn’t take her word over yours. I took the evidence and put it into a plausible scenario.”
It was my turn to look at the floor. “Right.” There was nothing wrong with what he said, yet it didn’t ease the ache in my chest.
“The thing you aren’t hearing, Alayna, is that I don’t care.”
My eyes raced back to his.
“I don’t care if you did stalk Celia or call her a million times or leave a dead chicken in her bed—I don’t care. I just want you. I want to be with you. If you were sick, then there was a chance that I would lose you. And I can’t. Whatever it takes to make that happen. Whatever I have to do. Whatever I have to say. I have to have you in my life.”
Goosebumps rushed across my skin. Hudson’s words were both freeing and binding. They relieved me of so many of the doubts that constantly pulled at me. His reluctance to believe me hadn’t been about trust, though I certainly hadn’t deserved his trust. It had been his way to hold on to me. Even at my most crazy, he would still be there for me. That was almost unbelievable. After years of thinking no one could ever want me past my mistakes, his declaration was more of a dream come true than any other aspect of our relationship.
At the same time, I now realized the extent of my failures in our commitment to each other. While he would stand by me through anything, I had pushed him away with secrets and lies. And when I had believed that he had resorted to his past behaviors, when I believed he had manipulated me—I’d only gotten highly pissed. He’d been sick in the past, just as I had, yet I’d blamed him instead of offering understanding.
I fell to my knees with the weight of it all. Tears stung at my eyes. “I don’t know how to do this.”
“Do what?” He collapsed in front of me an arm’s length away. So near but, without his touch, so far.
“Have a relationship.” I swiped at the tears falling down my cheeks. “I keep f*cking it up. I kept things from you. I accused you of manipulating me. I didn’t try to compromise about David.”
“I don’t care about any of that.” He nudged an inch closer, his expression desperate. “Just don’t give up on us. Please, don’t give up. I’m a shell without you, Alayna. I can barely breathe when you aren’t near me, when I’m not touching you. Right now, it’s all I can do to hold myself back from taking you in my arms.”
“Why are you holding back?” My need for him was astounding.
“Because I don’t want to resort to sex to solve this.”
“You listened. You always listen.” I choked back a sob.
“Alayna.”
Like always, the sound of my name on his tongue ignited me, and coupled with the distance between us, it increased my want, increased my anguish. “I need you, Hudson. I need you to touch me and bring me back into sync. I’m so far out of tune with you and it hurts—like part of me is missing.”
A weak smile crossed his lips. “You get it then.”
“I do.” I finally did understand it—how the physical connection between us was vital. It brought us closer, united us at a level so deep that our words and actions became meaningless in comparison.
His hand reached out, but he dropped it before touching me. “Are we…okay?”
“I’m not giving up, if that’s what you’re asking. I’m so lost without you. Find me, Hudson.”
“I already have.”
Then we were in each other’s arms, our lips crushing in a kiss that tasted of hope and love and salty tears. His hands on my back lit my body on fire. I needed my shirt off, knowing the feel of skin-on-skin would be my only salve.
Hudson recognized my urgency. Or perhaps it was his own desire that moved his hands to my buttons as I worked to undo his. Our kiss remained unbroken as we shed our shirts, then my bra. Then, with great reluctance, I let his mouth go so he could blaze a trail to my breasts. He cupped them both, first nuzzling and licking in the spot between them before moving his attention to one nipple. He tugged and sucked for long minutes until I was writhing and gasping. By the time he’d moved to the other nipple, I was aroused and near climax.
I’d been so immersed in Hudson’s adoration that I’d missed when he’d unwrapped my skirt until I felt his fingers on my * through my panties, pushing at the bundle of nerves like it was a release now button. And it was—I was already on a hair-trigger. One simple swirl of his thumb and I was tumbling over.
Hudson held me upright as I spiraled into my release, his other hand ripping at my underwear so that by the time I began my descent, I was completely naked.
As my vision returned, I saw him fixated on the moisture between my legs. His eyes were scarred with lust, his expression wild. So hot. It was so hot. No one had ever looked at me like that before him. No gaze had ever come close.
It was too much in every good way. Too much and not enough. I needed him inside me. Craved his cock pushing into me, filling me. Completing me.
I clawed at the waistband of his pants, too insane with desire to productively work on their removal. Hudson took over and in a flash had lowered his pants enough to expose his hard, thick beautiful shaft.
I was already climbing on top of him when he stopped me with a curse. “Hold on.”
He stood and kicked his clothes off, the ache of his absence made dull with the sight of him stripped. That’s how I loved us best—completely naked, no barriers between us.
He fell back on his knees in front of me. My hands immediately grabbed for his pulsing cock. A trickle of pre-cum glistened on his crown, and I spread it down the length of him.
He groaned. “Come here.” Hudson kneeled up slightly and urged me to wrap my legs around him, my feet braced on the floor on each side of him in a squat. Thankfully, my sandals were platform. They gave better support.
His tip throbbed at my core and I clenched in anticipation, all thoughts of shoes flying from my mind. With gentle expertise, he pushed up and in. I slid down him, taking the length of his cock inside my wet core.
God, oh, god, there weren’t words—the ecstasy, the intensity, the absolute feeling of wholeness, of completion—it was perfectly indescribable. Perfectly perfect.
He bucked into me, and I threw my head back with a gasp.
“Watch, Alayna.”
His command drew my focus back to him. I followed his gaze down to the place where we were joined. He pulled out of me to his crown, his cock covered in my juices, then pushed back in, his rhythm steady and mesmerizing.
“Watch my cock pushing in and out of you.”
“It’s so hot.” Unbelievably hot.
He sped up and the sound of our slapping thighs increased the level of eroticism by ten. Already I was tightening again, nearing the edge.
“Alayna, are you with me?”
His question called my attention back to his face. His expression, still lusty and primal, was now highlighted with affection.
“Always,” I said. “I’m always with you.”
He reclaimed my mouth, plunging his tongue with a ferocity that echoed his movements below. I was breathless and panting when he released me.
“Our pasts will always threaten to come between us. But nothing can come between us unless we let it. Feel this?” He drove his cock deeper into me. “Feel me inside you?”
“It’s so good, Hudson. You make me feel so good.”
“I know, precious, I know.” He tightened his grip, pulling me closer to him so that his breath tickled my ear as he spoke to me.
My vision glazed, I was close.
“Look at me.” Again, his command pulled my eyes to him. “This is how connected we are, Alayna. Even when I’m not inside you, we are always this connected.”
His stark declaration was the final straw. “F*ck, Hudson, I’m going to come.” My legs were quivering from the effort of supporting myself on top of him. Now they tightened with my oncoming orgasm.
“Yes, let go,” Hudson coaxed. “I want to watch you give it all to me.”
I did let go, squeezing him with my cunt as my orgasm ripped through me with seismic force. My body jelly, Hudson eased us to the floor then pounded to his finish, burying himself to his balls while his climax erupted hot and long.
When he collapsed, he stayed inside me, stroking my hair and whispering. “You’re so beautiful, Alayna. Absolutely beautiful. I missed you. So much.”
I brushed my fingers along his cheek, scruffy with a five o’clock shadow. “Did you really?”
“Yes, really.”
“I missed you too. So much.” I kissed along his throat before sucking lightly on his Adam’s apple. Still in a euphoric, post-orgasmic stage, it was surprising that I suddenly remembered where I was supposed to be. “Shit! I need to call Mira and tell her to cancel my trip.”
Hudson smiled. “Already taken care of.”
“She told you? It was supposed to be a surprise!”
“Mirabelle didn’t tell me. Jordan. All he said was that he’d rearrange your evening plans. It would have been a surprise.” He circled my nose with his. “If I hadn’t surprised you first.”
“And what a happy surprise it was.”
“I’m lucky you didn’t kick me to the curb. You know, I’ve fantasized about taking you in this club since the first time I saw you here.”
For whatever reason, this made me blush. “I can’t say I haven’t had the same fantasy.”
He grinned and kissed me chastely, probably knowing as well as I did that anything deeper would likely lead to another round of sex. This suspicion was confirmed with his next words. “As nice as it is having the fantasy fulfilled, I’d much rather take you back to The Bowery and have you in our bed.”
“That sounds awesome. Because as beautiful as this all is, I’m sticky and I have rose petals stuck to my ass and thighs.”
Hudson laughed, his dick twitching inside me with the motion. “The side effects of romantic gestures.”
“You better get out before you get hard again.”
“Already halfway there.” He pulled out of me, and, sure enough, he was already sporting another semi.
He stood then helped me up after him, brushing petals off my backside. After we’d finished dressing, Hudson turned on the club lights so I could blow out the candles.
“Ready to go home?”
I shivered at the sweet sound of the word home. Our home. It had become such a lonesome cave in the days he’d been gone. Now it could be restored to its former glory. “As long as you’re there, then there’s no place else I’d rather be.”
Brushing a lingering rose petal from my arm, I looked around the room. “What about the mess?” Then before he answered, I said, “Let me guess—you have people.”
He shrugged. “We have people.”
I actually didn’t freak about his overt suggestion that we were tied even more deeply than we were. I’d told the truth to Mira when I said I couldn’t think about those things, but maybe I could be okay when other people thought about it.
Hudson retrieved his jacket from the dance floor railing. He pulled out his phone from one of the pockets and typed something in—a text for our ride, I guessed.
“Oh,” he said, digging in another of his jacket pockets. “I almost forgot. This is for you.” He handed me a phone, nearly identical to the one I’d broken.
“So sure I haven’t already replaced it, are you?” I asked with a laugh.
He winked. “You weren’t answering any of my calls or texts. I’d hoped it was because you were still phoneless.”
“I was phoneless so that I wouldn’t break down and call you.”
“Should I ask for an explanation?”
“No. It’s just me. Thank you for the phone. It was very thoughtful.” I wrapped my arm around his and together we walked toward the club entrance. “Hey, did you get Plexis back?”
“I did. But it wouldn’t have mattered if I hadn’t gotten you back.”
Damn, the stuff he said was sweet. Only two weeks before, he’d been completely cut off from me, sharing very few of his true feelings. To think I could have missed out on all the beauty he had to offer if I’d let him slip away. Thank god, I’d stuck around for the good stuff.
I gazed up at his profile. “You never lost me, remember?”
“That’s right. I didn’t.” We’d reached the door and he turned to look at me. Those startling grey eyes—I could stay in them forever. Not lost, exactly, but more like found.
“I love you, Hudson Pierce.”
He breathed it in, physically breathed in my words—I could see exactly how they affected him. He needed them like I needed his touch. They changed him in some way that wasn’t quite tangible but real all the same. It made up for the fact that he still hadn’t been able to return the declaration.
He shook himself. “Go on out. Jordan should be waiting. I’ll set the alarm and lock up.”
He needed a minute to himself. I got that. He had the same effect on me.
I walked out, finding Jordan waiting with the Maybach.
“Good evening, Ms. Withers. I’m sorry to say that you missed your flight.”
I winked. “Another time, I suppose.”
I slid in the car, crossing to the opposite window to leave space for Hudson. While I waited, I turned on the new phone Hudson had given me. I smiled at the front screen wallpaper—it was a publicity picture of us kissing from the fashion show I’d attended with him. Scrolling through my contacts, I could tell that he’d managed to transfer my number and all my personal data to the new phone.
After a minute, the phone buzzed to notify me of incoming texts. I had seventeen in all. I scrolled through them, finding most were from Hudson, one from Brian—probably from before he’d found out my phone had broken.
My brow furrowed as I saw two texts from an unknown number. I opened the first one. “The video file is too big for text. Text me if you want to see it in person.”
Confused, I scrolled to the next text from that number. “Btw, this is Stacy from Mirabelle’s.”
Ah, Stacy. She’d told me she had some proof about Hudson and Celia. Some reason not to trust her.
I laughed to myself. Too little, too late. Whatever proof Stacy had that Celia was a bitch was completely unnecessary. I’d learned the hard way.
Though it did pique my curiosity.
“Everything okay?” Hudson asked as he slipped in the backseat next to me.
“Everything’s perfect.” I dimmed my phone and stuck it in my bra. The outside world didn’t hold a spark of interest to me when I had Hudson beside me. I was beginning to see that he might be there for a long time. He was right—we were connected. Nothing could break us apart. I was convinced of that now.
I buckled my seatbelt then settled into the crook of his arm thinking perfect was something I could get used to.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
This is always the hardest part of writing the book and I dread it and put it off as long as possible because I’m afraid I’ll forget someone or start crying as I list all the wonderful people who have made an impact in the life of my book.
Thankfully the digital page doesn’t show tear marks, so here we go:
First, to Tom, always first to Tom—my husband, my love, the sole reason I am able to spend hours reading and writing without my life falling apart around me. I love you, always.
To my children who don’t understand why Mom’s books are hush-hush at church, but are doing a good job of keeping things quiet—you are the reasons I write, girls, because you are the reasons I live.
To my Mom who supports me fully and still doesn’t think it’s enough—don’t worry, Mom. I have enough readers. You can just be my cheerleader.
To Sophia for the cover design and for always pushing me to go the distance.
To Bethany for editing and book-fairying and for always being there to pull me off the ledge and tell me I’m a good person when I feel quite the opposite.
To my earliest readers and critique partners—Lisa, I hope to one day have as much talent as you have in your little finger. Jackie, your commas make me a better writer. Tristina, your suggestions are always the ones I need to hear. Tamara, when you think I’m hot, I feel hot, because YOU, lady are HAWT.
To my agent, Bob DiForio, who worked through all the icky publishing crap so that I didn’t have to—man, what a ride, huh?
To Stephen DiForio and Caitlin Greer for formatting, and Julie at AToMR Book Blog Tours, who gets my books exposure all over the ‘net.
To my best friends eveh, The NAturals—Sierra, Sophia, Melanie, Lucy, and Tamara, sometimes you’re the only reason I wake up in the morning and you’re often the reason I stay up too late. Sometimes brow-porn is the only thing you need.
To Joe, who lovingly calls this the “F” you series—this was our year! But just wait and see what next year brings.
To Kristen Proby for your beautiful love of this series and the advice, support and inspiration you’ve given a budding author.
To the WrAHMs and the Babes of the Scribes—you’re all such beautiful women. I’m so lucky to know you.
To the authors I’ve friended in this wonderful writing community—you never fail to inspire me and push me to further heights both personally and in my stories. What an amazing passion we share. Thank you for all you’ve taught me and for letting me read your amazing, beautiful words.
To the Book Bloggers and reviewers who helped spread Fixed on You to others. There are so many, I could never even hope to mention you all, but I especially need to acknowledge Aestas, Schmexy Girls, The Rock Stars of Romance, Angie’s Dreamy Reads, and “That’s All” Ash—I am eternally thankful for your love and support. There are not enough ways to express my appreciation. I LOVE YOU!
To the Fans who loved and pimped Fixed on You like it was their own, especially Jenna Tyler and Angela McLain—thank you, ladies, for all you do. I’m honored to know you.
To the Readers, every time—you are the only reason I get to do this for a living. I will never forget that, and I’m SO, SO grateful.
To my Creator who has blessed my life so richly—may I remember to always fix my eyes on you.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Laurelin Paige is a sucker for a good romance and gets giddy anytime there’s kissing, much to the embarrassment of her three daughters. Her husband doesn’t seem to complain, however. When she isn’t reading or writing sexy stories, she’s probably singing, watching Mad Men and the Walking Dead, or dreaming of Adam Levine. She is represented by Bob Diforio of D4EO Literary Agency.