Chapter Sixteen
Hudson pocketed his damp handkerchief, and I could feel his disposition change, could feel him moving away. “Now, Alayna. What else do you need to tell me?”
“What—what do you mean?” I was still recovering from the last horrific confession. What other information did I need to disclose? At this point, I was ready to spill everything.
Hudson took his jacket off, folding it and setting it on the back of the sofa. “When we started this conversation, you thought I was talking about something else. Someone else.” His eyes pierced me. “Who did you think I was talking about?”
Honesty. I owed him honesty. “I thought you were talking about David.”
“David Lindt?”
“Yes.”
He backed up until he was leaning against the wall. I hated that he needed the support. “You told me there was nothing between you and David.”
“There’s not. Anymore.”
“But there was.”
“Yes.”
I could see the pain across his face. It killed me. It was exactly how I’d feel if I found out there had been something with him and Celia. I wanted to go to him, to hold him like he’d held me, to make it better.
I stepped toward him, but he put a hand out to stop me.
“It was nothing, Hudson. We were sort of together. But not really. We didn’t go on dates or anything or tell anyone about us. Just, when we worked late, alone…things happened.” The words tasted awful in my mouth.
“Did you sleep with him?”
“No. Things never went that far.” This hadn’t been the first time the subject had been broached. “You’ve asked me this before and I told you no then as well. I wasn’t lying.”
He shot me a challenging glance. “I also asked if you had wanted to and I never got a straight answer.”
“I don’t know the answer.” I considered leaving it at that. But I knew it would always hang over us unless I let it all out. “Yes. I suppose I did. Once upon a time. But not now.” Again, I wanted to move toward him. This time I stopped myself before he did. “There’s nothing now, Hudson. You have to believe me.”
It was after several long seconds that he spoke. “I do.”
“You do?” I couldn’t hide the shock from my voice.
“Yes. You don’t look at him the way you look at me.”
“Of course, I don’t.”
“But he looks at you the way I look at you. The way I imagine I look at you.”
“No, he doesn’t.” Yes, David had feelings for me, but they didn’t compare to the way Hudson felt about me. “You’re exaggerating.”
Hudson straightened and began pacing. “I’m not. It’s a problem and I can’t have it continuing.”
“What does that mean?” I knew the answer without having to ask, the dread washing over me in a thick wave.
“It means he’s going to have to leave The Sky Launch.”
“Don’t even joke.” As if Hudson was the type to kid.
“Does it seem like I’m joking?”
“Hudson, no. You can’t do that.” My voice was louder than I would have liked it. I’d prefer to be stoic and cold like him, but that wasn’t me. “You can’t fire David because of a stupid fling we had before I even met you. He’s the responsible one at the club. He’s the one who said we needed to end it.”
His glare was heart-stopping. “You aren’t helping your case.”
“But you can’t fire David because we messed around once upon a time. It’s over. It’s not fair. It’s not fair to David.” I felt very near to throwing a tantrum. I may have even stomped my foot once.
Hudson returned to the bar to refill his Scotch. “It was going to happen anyway. Regardless of what you and he...” He took a deep breath and I knew from the awful pain in his eyes that he was thinking about David and me together. They were horrible thoughts. Things I never wanted him to have to imagine. But there wasn’t anything I could do. I’d certainly thought of him and Celia in the same terrible ways. It was painful and heartbreaking, but endurable.
Hudson would endure as well.
Despite his misery, I had to ask, “What do you mean by it was going to happen anyway?”
He shook his head, took a gulp of his drink and set it down. “This isn’t how I wanted to tell you. It was meant to be a surprise at an appropriate time. But the truth is that I’ve wanted to make a management change since I bought the place.”
I leaned against the sofa back, not wanting to hear anymore, unable to stop the inevitable words.
“Alayna, I want you to run the club.”
“Hudson…no.”
“I bought the club for you.”
A shudder ran through me. “What are you talking about? You didn’t know me when you bought the club.”
“The symposium—”
I cut him off. “You told me you were already looking at the club. The fact that I worked there influenced you. Never did you say anything about buying it for me.” In my head, I replayed everything I knew about our strange meeting. He’d seen me at the symposium, but I hadn’t known that until later. He came into the bar, once. We’d flirted and he’d given me a big fat tip and a trip to his spa, behavior that in itself was psycho-aggressive. None of it warranted the purchase of a business. If that was the real reason he’d bought the club—well, then he was crazier than me.
“I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to seem too forward.”
“Well, too f*cking late for that.”
He continued with an annoying degree of impassivity. “It wasn’t as insane as it sounds, Alayna. It was business. I saw you at the symposium and knew I needed you working for me. Since you weren’t taking any interviews with companies, I had to buy the company you were already at. Yes, I was attracted to you. Yes, it influenced my decision to pursue your talent, but wanting you working for me was the driving force of that pursuit.”
It wasn’t an uncommon scenario. Smart-minded business players often made large company purchases simply to get control of a talented workforce. “Then you got what you wanted. I am working for you. I don’t have to run The Sky Launch to be working for you.” I ran my hands up and down my arms, trying to get warm. “I have an important role, and I don’t need anything more right now.”
He stepped toward me, his impassivity replaced with vehemence. “Alayna, you have so much potential!”
“Stop it! You sound like my brother. Don’t decide that I’m wasting my potential. I’m building up to it at my own speed. I’m not ready to run a club, Hudson.” My hands flew expressively as I spoke—pointing at him, then at myself, then flinging madly at my sides.
Hudson chortled. “You’re going to have to be ready. Otherwise someone else will have to step into that role when David’s gone.”
“Then this isn’t about me at all! It is about David. You can’t fire him. You can’t!”
“It’s about you, Alayna. No one but you.” The calm exterior he’d adopted after the Paul Kresh situation was completely abandoned now. “I told you I don’t share. I won’t share you. Not with him. Not with anyone. I will bend over backwards to give you everything you need and want, but this is the one thing I have to have in return. Fidelity.”
“I am faithful. I’ve never been anything but faithful. I have no desire to cheat on you with David or anyone. I’m yours, like you said.”
“Yes. You are. Mine. And I should have gotten rid of him the minute I suspected there had been anything between you.”
The truth of what he was saying hit me in the gut. “In other words, you don’t trust me.”
“I don’t trust him!”
“It doesn’t matter if you trust him as long as you trust me!”
His face transformed into a bitter expression I’d never seen before. “Today I discovered you kept both your relationship with David and your recent interaction with Paul Kresh from me and you’re talking about trust? Good timing, Alayna.”
Ouch. But I deserved that. David, however, did not. “I told you why I didn’t tell you about Paul. And this is why I didn’t tell you about David. Because I was afraid you’d overreact, and wow, here you are trying to fire the best employee The Sky Launch has!”
“You’re the best employee The Sky Launch has.”
Under different circumstances, his faith in me would be flattering. “I beg to differ. I wouldn’t be worth shit without David, and I don’t want his job.”
Hudson leaned forward, his eyes dark. “It’s not an option. You want to work at the club, you’ll work in the position that I choose.”
Rage boiled through me. “Then I quit! Because I can’t work for someone who’s so obviously jealous and controlling. And you’re seriously making me reconsider my living situation as well.”
“Don’t!” He stepped forward, his face in mine. “Don’t throw our relationship on the line because of a good business decision.”
I wanted to push him back, push him away. At the same time, I wanted to pull him in and kiss away all the jealousy and angst between us, wanted to end the awful tension. I’d threatened our relationship, but I didn’t mean it. I wouldn’t throw it away. I’d do whatever I had to in order to keep him mine.
But I wasn’t letting my cards show yet. I didn’t touch him at all. I stayed rigid as I spoke. “You aren’t making this decision because it’s good business. You’re trying to punish me.”
His eyes widened. “I’m punishing you by giving you a promotion?”
“A promotion I don’t want!”
He spun away from me, as though he were too afraid of what he’d do if he stayed in such close proximity. When he’d taken a few steps, he turned back to face me. “You want me to take everything from you, but you won’t take from me? How am I supposed to feel about that?”
“This isn’t the same.” He was twisting my words, taking something I’d said in a time of beauty and bringing it into a war zone. It hurt. Deep, in my bones. I wanted it to stop. “I don’t want this, Hudson. I don’t want it!”
I turned to run away. Where, I didn’t know. Just away from him and the terrible situation he was putting me in.
But I’d only made it a few steps when he came after me, his arms circling around my waist from behind.
I squirmed, kicking and hitting at him. “Let go of me!”
“No. I’ll never let you go.” He must not have meant physically, because he did let me go. He threw me on the couch and began undoing his pants.
Immediately my sex felt on fire. The thought of him f*cking me with all that rage and passion was a big turn-on. And, honestly, we probably needed the contact—to reconnect before we grew too far apart.
But I was headstrong, not willing to give in. I slipped under him to the floor, crawling toward the elevators as fast as I could.
His strong hand grabbed my ankle, drawing me back to him. I clawed at the floor, but I already knew it was hopeless. Not because he was stronger than me, but because he knew what I really wanted—that I wanted him to overpower me.
He stretched out over me, holding me to the floor, both my hands pinned above my head with one of his. He nipped at my ear. “God, you are so maddening. How can I want you so much when you drive me so insane?”
Using his whole body, he turned me underneath him and crushed his mouth to mine in a fierce kiss—a kiss that was forceful and dominating and full of so much emotion.
I resisted at first, turning my head away from him. But he was relentless and his unusual display of emotion disarmed me. My head was overruled by my body—by my heart—and I surrendered to him, giving in to his demanding mouth and the masterful hands that had already freed his rock-hard cock.
He reached down under my dress, moving the flimsy thong material out of the way to stick a long finger inside me. If he didn’t understand my need before, he did now. I was wet and swollen for him.
He groaned in satisfaction.
“It doesn’t mean I’m not mad.” It was my last attempt to state my case before he replaced his finger with his cock.
I cried out at the exquisite bite of pleasure, the incredible feeling of fullness, almost too much yet also not enough. I needed him to move, to thrust, to ride me.
“Fine,” he said, jabbing deeper into me, still not moving the way I ached for him to. “Be mad. Take it out on me. I’m planning to take out my emotions on you.”
And he did. He drew himself out almost to the tip. It must have taken more control than I could imagine, his contorted expression showing the strain of the slow retreat. Then he let go, pounding into me with thick, insistent stabs. My hips bucked at each deep plunge in rhythm with his primal grunts. Even the sound of his loose belt buckle slapping against the floor added to the animalistic way he took me, as if it were a whip driving the beast, urging him on.
I moaned and tightened around him within minutes, surprised to feel the build of orgasm so quickly with only vaginal stimulation. It was the whole scene, the depravity of it, the utter baseness. It was wild and feral and uncontrolled. I hated that I loved it—loved it so entirely.
He wrapped his loose hand in my hair, yanking at it with just the right amount of pleasure and pain. My eyes began to close.
“Look at me,” he snapped.
My eyes flew open, meeting his.
“Can’t you see?” I was surprised he could speak through his exertion. “Can’t you see what you do to me? Can’t you see how you make me feel?”
He shifted, and I gasped as he hit a particularly tender spot. “Do you feel how hard you make me?”
I didn’t know if he wanted an answer, didn’t think I could speak if he did.
But he tugged again at my hair. “Do you?”
“Yes,” I cried out.
He picked up his speed, reaching a frenzied pace that threw me over the edge. “You do this to me, Alayna.”
I struggled to keep my eyes on him, to focus on his words through the rapturous haze that enveloped me. His words were important, and I wanted to hear what he said as much as I wanted to lose myself in the ecstasy he’d bestowed on me.
He was on the brink, too—I could read his body like it was my own—but still he kept his gaze connected to mine. “Even when you’re petulant and contrary, I still want you. Always, I want you. I want to give you everything. All of me. Why can’t you take it? Take it.”
He delivered one more elongated thrust, burying himself deeply as he poured into me with a low groan. “Take it!”
I whimpered as his release shuddered through me, extending my own into a second wave of euphoria that sent chills down my spine. Lost in the fog of post-orgasm, my ears still thrumming with the pulse of my heartbeat, I had a brief moment of clarity—what if it wasn’t Hudson that was incapable of being loved fiercely, but me?
The thought was fleeting, gone as soon as it had come. Of course, I could take his love. It was he who didn’t know how to show it.
He’d rolled off me by then and was sitting with his back braced against the sofa. Only traces of the wild passion he’d displayed a moment ago were present in his features, his shortness of breath one of the only indicators that he’d ever lost control.
Suddenly I was angry. Angry with him for resorting to f*cking as a way to end our disagreement like he always did. Angry that he expected it would change anything. Angry at myself for being seduced.
I propped myself up on my elbows and glared.
“Now, come on, Alayna.” His eyes narrowed. “You can’t tell me you didn’t enjoy it.”
His condescending tone irked me even more. “Sex isn’t the only way to show a person how you feel.”
“I know. I tried to give you a nightclub.”
His words stung though I couldn’t quite grasp why.
I was still figuring it out when he stood and zipped himself up. “If you want to continue fighting about this, which I’m sure you do, it will have to be later. I have work to do.”
My scowl remained long after he’d left. It was almost funny that I felt so enraged. I’d thought he’d fall to pieces if he’d known I wasn’t telling him things about my past with David, that I’d withheld my interaction with Paul Kresh. And if he’d gone crazy because I’d hidden things, I would have taken it. I’d kept things from him, and I deserved whatever distrust and hurt feelings that came from that.
But it hadn’t been my keeping secrets that put us on opposite sides. It had been his jealousy and my refusal to take over the club. Either he’d always truly meant to give me The Sky Launch, or he was manipulating the situation with David to make me believe that. Both were possible. I’d probably never know for sure which one. Maybe he didn’t know himself.
One thing was certain, I wasn’t letting David get fired, whatever the reason. One day, perhaps, I’d be ready and want to take over the management of The Sky Launch, but not now. Not so soon. Not only a month after graduating with my MBA.
And I wouldn’t do that to a manager as good as David. It wasn’t right.
I brought myself to my feet and stretched. The discussion wasn’t over, but I could put it on pause for the night if Hudson could. And I didn’t intend to mope around about it. It was unhealthy and could quickly turn to obsession if I wasn’t careful. Which meant I had to find something to occupy myself.
I looked at my watch and was surprised to find it was after six. Guess I was skipping group therapy since I’d already missed it. I didn’t have the energy for exercise, so that was out. There was a TV in the living room, but I preferred movies to shows and I hadn’t yet come across any DVDs. Hudson probably had everything on a movie drive somewhere. I wasn’t about to ask where. I’d already finished The Talented Mr. Ripley.
Actually, what I should do was work on the library. Another slew of packages had arrived on Friday and the room was crammed with unopened boxes. I should have unpacked them over the weekend, but I’d been too content to lie around naked with Hudson, doing nothing but each other. I’d put it off too long. So what if Hudson was already working in there at his desk. We were grown-ups. We could share the space.
Though the library was big, the room felt confined with the tension still lingering between us. Hudson sat at his desk, focused intently on his computer screen. It was as if he didn’t even know I was in the room. But he did. Of course, he did. He could seem so single-minded, so compartmentalized, but he was always aware of me in every way, as I was always aware of him. I simply wasn’t as good at hiding it as he was.
I took a deep breath and knelt at the stack of boxes furthest from him. Soon, I was wrapped up in the task of unloading and alphabetizing, enjoying the thrill of each newly discovered book title. He’d purchased so many great ones. Classics and contemporaries. Many I’d read, many I wanted to read, many I wanted to reread.
It was after I opened the box with the DVDs that I realized it. Not right away. At first, I was surprised to find the contents were movies rather than books, but I simply started on another section of the shelves and began unloading, not paying too much attention to the titles until I pulled out Midnight Cowboy—the movie Hudson and I had watched while we were in the Hamptons. He’d pulled up the list of AFI’s Greatest Movies, a list I was slowly working my way through, and he’d told me to choose one I hadn’t seen. I chose Midnight Cowboy.
Seeing it in the box, it hit me. I looked over the titles I’d shelved to be sure, and yep, it was true. Each and every movie was on the AFI list. And the books—I ran to look over the books, paying more attention this time. The Brothers Karamazov, Anna Karenina, Catch-22, Beloved—they were all titles from The Greatest Books list. I’d told Hudson I wanted to read them all before I died. And here he’d bought them for me. Each and every one.
I was suddenly overcome with emotion. It was a strange thing to move me, but it did. Before he’d decided to commit to me, before he’d asked me to come to his penthouse, let alone move in with him, he’d purchased a library full of books and movies tailored specifically to my interests.
He hadn’t said I loved you. Maybe he never would. But was there anything this man did that didn’t show me how much he did love me?
I was halfway to his desk before I’d even thought about what I was doing. He must have heard me coming, because even though he didn’t look at me, he swiveled in his chair, opening toward me a bit. Maybe it had been subconscious, that he aligned himself with me as I often did with him. It was nice to think so.
I fell at his feet, placing my head on his thigh.
He shifted and I could tell that I’d surprised him.
“Make love to me,” I said, my face nuzzling against his leg. “Please. Make love to me.”
I held my breath as I waited for him to respond. I heard him click his mouse a few times and then set his glasses on the desk—the glasses he only wore when he read or worked on his computer because he was slightly farsighted. There were some things I knew about him.
Then he bent down and lifted me with him to a standing position in one fluid movement.
Cradling me in his arms, he carried me to the bedroom—our bedroom—not a word spoken between us. He laid me on the bed. Silently, with such tenderness, he undressed me, then himself.
He stretched over me and kissed me—every inch of me from head to toe. He lingered in new areas, cherishing my belly button and the spot behind my knee and the sensitive area at my tailbone. Every part of my skin, he lavished with attention, adoring me as he’d never adored me before, yet each touch, each caress felt familiar. Like home.
When at last he settled himself between my thighs, he entered me with slow precision. And it was with sweet, languid strokes that he took me to orgasm, not once, not twice, but three times.
He met my eyes the last time, and we maintained the contact as I rode the wave of euphoria. Then he joined me, moaning low as his climax spiraled into mine, our gazes still fixed on each other. And even when my vision glazed over with fireworks, all I could see was him and love. So much love.