Chris raised his hands in the air. “I get that you’re pissed, brother, but don’t start blaming me for your issues.”
I was itching for a fight and Chris was the only person volatile enough to make it happen. Jamie came outside before I had a chance to do something really stupid.
He surveyed the scene. “Chris, can you help Lisa close up? I’ve got it from here.”
Chris turned away and pushed past Jamie. “I don’t know why the fuck I even bother with him.”
I went to follow, but Jamie put a hand on my chest and the door slammed shut. “You need to calm down.”
“That bitch ruins everything.”
“I’m not going to argue with you, but she’s not the real problem right now. Take a breath, man.”
He held on to my shoulder, talking me down from the ledge I’d climbed up on. Christ, I was acting like a lunatic. I took a few deep breaths and then a few more, so ramped up at first I could barely think.
“What the hell is wrong with me?”
Sure, I got irritable and pissy, but I didn’t fly off the handle and kick the shit out of garbage bags. It was bad enough I’d tried to pick another fight with Chris. I’d be lucky if he didn’t quit or take Damen up on his offer and go work for him again.
Jamie gave me a wry smile. “You really want me to go there?”
“It’s not funny. I’m losing it. I need to talk to Tenley.” I tried to get around him.
“Whoa, hold up there. You need to get yourself together before you go check on her,” Jamie said. “You go see her in your current state and it’s going to make things a whole lot worse.”
“But I just let her leave. She’s got to know something’s up.”
“I’m sure she does, but she’s not in the headspace to be dealing with your baggage right now. So, like I said, you need to get a handle on what you’re going to say to her before you go over there.”
Jamie’s words felt like a punch to the gut. I couldn’t tell Tenley about my history with Sienna. Not now. The idea of explaining that complicated non-relationship wasn’t something I wanted to do. Ever. Sienna was right—Tenley, for all her markers of deviance, had never engaged in even a fraction of the debauchery I had. I didn’t want to think about what could happen to the fragile foundations of our bond if she knew about my past. The week leading up to this session proved how much I needed Tenley in my life, and Sienna was the one person who could jeopardize everything. I was fucking petrified.
“She told me what happened to her. It’s worse than I thought it would be.”
He nodded solemnly, like he expected as much. “Why don’t we go back inside, and we can figure things out?”
“Sienna’s gone?” I asked. If she was still in there, I might lose my mind permanently.
“I told her it would be best if she didn’t come by again.”
“Like that will stop her.”
“Probably not.” Jamie opened the steel door and ushered me inside.
Lisa rushed over. “I’m so sorry. If I’d known you were almost finished, I would have warned you she was here. I thought I could get rid of her, but she wouldn’t leave.”
“It’s okay,” I said, even though it wasn’t. Lisa was sensitive, and I didn’t want her to feel responsible for what happened.
“Are you sure?” she asked.
“Not really.”
Lisa put her arm around my waist and steered me toward her office. Chris had already gone home. Jamie shut off the lights in the main studio and dropped down on the corner of the desk. There was no point in beating around the bush.
“I don’t want to tell Tenley about Sienna.”
“You might not have much of a choice,” Jamie said.
Lisa shot him a disapproving look. “You don’t think she’ll understand?” she asked me.
“Would you?” I asked.
“Tenley and I aren’t the same person.”
“But would you be able to handle it if you were her? You said yourself you don’t think she’s got all that much in the way of experience. Based on what I’ve seen in the past week, I’m inclined to agree with you. You really think she’s going to be cool with finding out I banged a stripper on and off for a number of years? And that the reason for the rule is because my business partner got in on the action when I got bored? And I still went back for more after that anyway? How does that make me look? What kind of person does something like that?”
“It was a long time ago, Hayden. Things are different now. You’re different now.”
“People don’t change.”
“People adapt. You were young. The choices you made back then aren’t the same ones you would make now. Tenley is proof of that. It’s called personal growth.”
“I don’t know how to deal with this shit.” I shifted in my seat. I felt restless, unbound.
“That’s because you’ve never tried to before,” Jamie said.
Both Lisa and I looked at him. He was spinning a pen between his fingers.
“What? It’s true.” He rolled his eyes. “Sorry I don’t have the same soft touch as my woman. Sometimes you need to hear it straight, Hayden. I’ve known you for what, almost seven years?”