I hated the look on Sarah’s face, like she needed to treat me with kid gloves so I wouldn’t lose my shit. I was pretty fucking close to the breaking point. I was angry at Tenley for leaving, at Sarah for letting her go, and at myself for walking out the door in the first place.
“She has to come back though, right? She wouldn’t just leave TK and not come back.” I was reaching for a lifeboat in a sea of hopelessness.
“Of course she’ll come back,” Sarah said.
But when Tenley returned, would she be back for me, too?
“I’m gonna go home,” I said. I couldn’t be in Tenley’s space without her.
“You want me to come with?” Chris asked, hands shoved in his pockets.
“Nah, man. Thanks. I just want to be alone right now.”
When I got home, I headed for the bedroom. It was exactly how we left it; sheets a twisted mess, pillows tossed on the floor. Tenley’s half-empty wineglass sat on the nightstand, lip print marking the rim. I couldn’t believe how quickly my life had been turned upside down. It was like coming home to death all over again, except this loss was so different. Tenley still existed, but she was gone. I didn’t know when or if she would be back, and whether she would want me anymore.
I sat down on the edge of the bed and ran my hand over the sheets. Being with her here had felt right. It had changed things.
My body numbed out, and the shaking started. The dissociated feeling settled in, like when I used to have panic attacks so many years ago. It felt like I was watching events from outside myself. Which was better. It hurt less that way.
Tenley hadn’t been gone more than ninety minutes and I missed her more than I could bear. In the weeks since I first met her she’d managed to break through my armor, getting under my skin. I’d let my guard down.
And I’d fallen in love with her.
That was the deadly ache in the center of my chest.
Chris was right; I wasn’t ready to walk away. If she felt the same way about me, that could explain why she ran.
I pushed up off the mattress and grabbed my keys and wallet, heading for the door.
She could run all she wanted, but I was coming after her. I wouldn’t let her go. Not without a fight.