“Please try and understand, you never would have agreed to the tattoo—”
“The tattoo? That’s what this is about? The fucking tattoo?” His anger flared. “You can’t be serious. After everything we’ve been through, after tonight, that’s the reason you didn’t tell me you lost your fucking fiancé? Because I wouldn’t have agreed to the ink?”
“That’s not . . .” I hesitated, not wanting to have such a private conversation in front of Trey. “I didn’t want you to see me differently.” I gave him the words I used not so long ago, when he found out about the accident. It was a facet of the truth. At the time I didn’t want to own how I felt about Hayden because the guilt was too consuming. I realized now it wasn’t going to go away. I was kidding myself tonight thinking I could accept the way I felt about him. It would always be like this; me wanting a person I could never truly have. I would never be whole.
He barked out a laugh. “You’re supposed to be married, Tenley. And from the look of this guy”—he pointed at Trey—“he was pretty straightlaced. How I see you is the least of your issues.”
“As moving as this whole thing is, I don’t have time for the drama. You need to go,” Trey said to Hayden as he checked his watch.
Hayden’s head turned slowly in Trey’s direction. “Are you still here? You know, you’re really starting to piss me off.”
“I can’t believe you’ve traded Connor for this,” Trey said with a disgusted glare. “Are you happy shitting all over his memory? Did you think it would be fun to see how the other half lives? Slum it for a while? Or are you punishing yourself? That’s something you would do, isn’t it?”
“Why are you letting this asshole talk to you like this?” Hayden asked, his voice raised.
I couldn’t process it all. Trey’s arrival, legal papers in hand, Hayden finding out about Connor—it was too much. I didn’t deserve Hayden. I didn’t deserve anyone. My dreams had become a premonition; I was too broken to be loved. I could never give him all of me.
“I didn’t want to hurt anymore.” All the words suddenly jammed in my throat.
“That’s it? That’s all you have to say?” Hayden asked, appalled.
He took a step closer until we were almost touching. His hurt and anger enveloped me. It felt like razor blades were serrating me from the inside.
“You should go,” I whispered.
“Tenley, look at me.”
I shook my head, eyes trained on the floor. His finger came up under my chin. Misery ripped through me as I realized this would probably be the last time he touched me. I took a deep breath as he lifted my head. He searched my face for something, some sign that I was still there with him. But I shut down, returning to the numb state I was in when I first arrived in Chicago.
“He’s right, isn’t he? I’m your punishment.”
Remorse kept me tongue-tied.
His thumb brushed along my jaw. “It was never about the tattoo. Not for me.” His hand dropped.
When he turned and walked out the door, my whole world caved in again. The agony his departure unleashed took me down. It was so familiar and yet so different this time. I sank to the floor. I watched Trey’s feet cross the threshold into the room, and the door closed behind him. The lock slid into place and he stood before me. I was lost in grief and guilt. I didn’t have the energy left to fight.
“Always so dramatic,” he sighed. He set his briefcase down and knelt in front of me. Taking my chin in his hand, he forced my head up. “Look at you, such a mess. What did you think running away would accomplish?”
“I hate you,” I whispered, on the brink of tears. I didn’t want to lose it in front of him. It was his favorite kind of ammunition to use against me.
“Maybe right now you do, but when you’re back home and thinking clearly, you’ll thank me.” He let go but stayed where he was.
I should have signed over the house when he’d asked in the first place; I’d have been free of him now if I had. “Why are you doing this?”
“Why?” Trey asked in a low, angry hiss. “You took everyone from me. And then, after everything I did for you, you left, you ungrateful—” He stopped and righted himself. “I’m going to pack you a bag and you’re going to come home. When you’ve signed over the house, you’ll be free to do as you please. Even if that means running back here to that degenerate loser you’ve been letting fuck you for God knows how long.”
“Hayden’s not a degenerate.” I struggled to my feet.
My limbs felt loose, uncoordinated, my body detached from my mind. Trey stared down at me with absolute loathing.
“Don’t defend him to me. You are defiling yourself, and for what? Some deviant who enjoys corrupting you until you’re no longer fun to play with?”