'Is that... Lord, is that my sign?'
The Lord answered, saying, 'Yea, verily, but not thine own blindness; for now thine eyes see more clearly. Lookest thou for the blinded one who has gone mad. When you see him, you must tell your congregation what Rennie has been up to out here, and your part in it. You both must tell. We'll talk about this more, but for now, Lester, go to bed. You're dripping on the floor.'
Lester did, but first he cleaned up the little splatters of blood on the hardwood behind the pulpit. He did it on his knees. He didn't pray as he worked, but he meditated on the verses. He felt much better.
For the time being, he would speak only generally or" the sins which might have brought this unknown barrier down between The Mill and the outside world; but he would look for the sign. For a blind man or woman who had gone crazy, yea, verily.
6
Brenda Perkins listened to WCIK because her husband liked it (had liked it), but she would never have set foot inside the Holy B.edeemer Church. She was Congo to the core, and she made sure hei husband went with her.
Had made sure. Howie would only be in the Congo church once more. Would lie there, unknowing, while Piper Libby preached his eulogy.
This realization - so stark and immutable - struck home. For the first time since she'd gotten the news, Brenda let loose and wailed. Perhaps because now she could. Now she was alone.
On the television, the President - looking solemn and fright-eningly old - was saying, 'My fellow Americans, you want answers. And I pledge to give them to you as soon as I have them. There will be no secrecy on this issue. My window on events will be your window. That is my solemn promise - '
'Yeah, and you've got a bridge you want to sell me,' Brsnda said, and that made her cry harder, because it was one of Howie's faves. She snapped off the TV, then dropped the remote on the rloor. She felt like stepping on it and breaking it but didn't, mostly because she could see Howie shaking his head and telling her not to be silly.
She went into his little study instead, wanting to touch him somehow while his presence here was still fresh. Needing to touch him. Out back, their generator purred. Fat n happy, Howie would have said. She'd hated the expense of that thing when Howie ordered it after nine-eleven (Just to be on the safe side, he'd told her), but now she regretted every sniping word she'd said about it. Missing him in the dark would have been even more terrible, more lonely.
His desk was bare except for his laptop, which was standing open. His screen saver was a picture from a long-ago Little League game. Both Howie and Chip, then eleven or twelve, were wearing the green jerseys of the Sanders Hometown Drug Monarchs; the picture had been taken the year Howie and Rusty Everett had taken the Sanders team to the state finals. Chip had his arms around his father and Brenda had her arms around both of them. A good day. But fragile. As fragile as a crystal goblet. Who knew such things at the time, when it still might be possible to hold on a little?
She hadn't been able to get hold of Chip yet, and the thought of that call - supposing she could make it - undid her completely. Sobbing, she got down on her knees beside her husband's desk. She didn't fold her hands but put them together palm to palm, as she had as a child, kneeling in flannel pajamas beside her bed and reciting the mantra of God bless Mom, God bless Dad, God bless my goldfish who doesn't have a name yet.
'God, this is Brenda. I don't want him back... well, I do, but I know You can't do that. Only give me the strength to bear this, okay? And I wonder if maybe... I don't know if this is blasphemy or not, probably it is, but I wonder ifYou could let him talk to me one more time. Maybe let him touch me one more time, like he did this morning.'
At the thought of it - his fingers on her skin in the sunshine - she cried even harder.