Chapter 16
I tried to extinguish Logan from my mind, but it didn’t help that every time I heard a motorcycle my breath hitched, my heart started pounding, and the butterflies in my stomach erupted. I slammed the balcony door shut and locked out the sounds of the city streets, motorcycles included.
Then I kept hearing his voice saying ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘I’ve missed you’. It was chewing me up inside, knowing I was doing the right thing, yet seeing the hurt I caused—no it was him that hurt me.
“You going to Georgie’s for brunch?” Kat nabbed her coffee off the counter and took a sip.
“Yeah. Deck texted, said he’d pick us up since he’s passing right by the condo.” Since we’d moved to the farm, we made it a habit to visit Georgie whenever we stayed at the condo. Despite my head feeling like it had a set of drums vibrating in it, I knew I couldn’t bail on Georgie since I missed seeing her last night. Matt hadn’t come back to the condo, so we suspected he crashed at the bar like he often did.
“Can’t go. Hank sent me a text this morning. The tractor needs medical attention, and he thinks he knows the problem and is planning on fixing it. I have to get there before he gets to the tractor. He’ll have metal parts thrown all over the garage, and we’ll be out of a tractor for weeks.”
I smiled. Hank was an angel with the horses. But he had no skills when it came to fixing things. He was retired and kind of came with the farm. He had a little cottage at the back of the property and was super sweet. “Okay, so I’ll see you at the farm later.”
“Yeah. Let me know if anything juicy goes down. Deck looked pretty pissed off last night. I swear his eyes never left Georgie once and his scowl ... That guy is the definition of danger. I’m thinking Georgie’s outfit had something to do with it.”
Deck was cagey about what Unyielding Riot actually did, but considering he got me out of Raul’s compound and often worked with the authorities it had to be dangerous. I was uncertain whether he kept a close eye on Georgie because he had the hots for her or because her brother never came back from their last mission and he felt obligated to watch out for her. There was also the possibility that Deck’s work had potential repercussions.
“Why? What was she wearing?” Georgie dressed a little ... different, with no fear of what others might say.
“I’ll put it to you this way. I bet Deck told her to change and she did ... into something even more revealing.” Kat laughed. “Even Matt’s mouth dropped open when he saw her. And about Sculpt—”
I stopped her. “Sculpt’s gone, Kat.”
“No listen, I wanted to apologize for letting him in last night.”
“You were drunk. And you hurt your hand trying to stop him.”
“Yeah. But still.” Kat sighed. “I have a feeling he’ll be back. Just saying ... Sculpt doesn’t seem the type to give up easily, if at all.”
I heard the buzzer and walked over to the door and pressed the Talk button. “Yes?”
“A gentleman is here to see you.”
“Okay. Thanks, Eddie. Let him up.”
“Going to shower. Say hi to Deck for me.” Kat headed down the hallway. “Oh and just so you know, Hank and I are putting the horses in the lower field today if you’re going to ride later.” Kat stopped. “Emily ... maybe it’s time to, you know ... find someone. Let a guy back in. If not Sculpt then someone else.” She disappeared into the washroom, and before I could even begin to contemplate her words, a knock sounded.
I turned the lock and opened the door.
Logan.
My stomach dropped hard and fast with a mixture of emotional uncertainty. Jesus, I was so screwed up whenever I saw him that my emotions didn’t know how to react. Butterflies released in every direction, some looking for escape, others fluttering with joy.
He looked H?agen-Dazs delicious in his worn out blue jeans and a gray T-shirt that set off his dark eyes. And they were dark.
What was he doing here again?
“You going to let me in?”
He was frowning and looked like he hadn’t slept, and yet still he looked irresistible. Even with that scar on his chin. I wondered where he got it from. Fighting in Mexico after I left?
“Mouse?”
Right. Let the guy in. I was so speechless that I couldn’t even think straight. I stepped out of the way, and Logan strode past me. He went directly to the island and leaned against it crossing his arms. I stood frozen in the wide-open doorway.
“You going to shut that?”
I swung the door shut and leaned back against it mirroring him. He was watching me, eyes unwavering, intense, and yes, I recognized the hint of desire in his expression.
Finally I untangled my tongue, and I only did manage it, because he was on one side of the room and I was at the farthest point away. “What are you doing here? Again.”
“Come here, Emily.”
I nearly did. It was automatic to do as he asked when he said an order like that. I had to stop myself and it felt like I was going against something inside me. No, I wasn’t his slave anymore. Besides, stepping closer to Logan had an effect on me that I needed to stay clear of. That undeniable ache between my legs was dangerous, and distance was safety. Falling for Logan again was by far the worst sort of punishment I could put myself through. I had plans, and Logan was not part of them.
“Last night ... ” He paused, and for a second I thought I saw that flash of vulnerability in his eyes again. Surprising since Logan had the confidence of a bull. All he had to do was walk in a room and all eyes would deviate to him as if he was someone important. “What I should’ve said was that I love you.” My breath escaped, and I stared, mouth agape. And nothing deterred him it seemed. “I’ve never said that to anyone except my mother. Because I never loved anyone else—until you.”
Oh God. He couldn’t do this. I was prepared to handle him being angry and cold—not tell me he loves me and that he’s never said that to anyone except his mother. A mother who risked everything in order to get her son out of a horrible immoral place.
“Eme. I wish—”
I shook my head back and forth. “Sculpt—”
“Let me say this.”
My emotions were coiled tight, tied up with thoughts of Logan and when we first met. Thoughts of how when he looked at me—he really looked and saw me. His presence reminded me of how he said he’d hire a plane with a banner saying how beautiful I was to fly by my window. He’d said I needed to be told often after all that shit my mother put in my head. Had that been real? Had any of it? I was constantly fighting the memories of the two months we’d spent together to be overshadowed by the fifteen days of hell. Even with Logan telling me the truth, I was having trouble trusting that our time together had been real.
“Emily.” His tone was hard and inflexible, and for a second I felt that flicker of tremor skip across my insides, but then just as quick as it came, it was gone again. “I wish more than anything I could’ve been here for you over the last two years. Helped you. Told you the truth. Jesus, sometimes I wish I never agreed to teach you self-defence. But then ... then I’d have never fallen in love with you.
“Baby, you’re the one who gave me the strength to survive Raul. It has always been you. It will always be you. Emily ...you’re my trophy. And I lost you.” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I can’t lose you again. I have to do whatever it takes to win you back.”
“And you never lose.” I whispered more to myself then him.
He remained quiet.
I straightened my back and raised my chin, fighting against the urge to back down after hearing the most touching words I think I ever heard coming from Logan. My insides were churning and I was having trouble controlling my tears.
But I’d fought hard for two years to regain my confidence and like one of my rescue horses, I finally had some dignity again and I couldn’t. I just couldn’t let him in.
A knock on the door had me jumping away from it, and I looked from the door back to Logan. Eddie the doorman must have recognized Deck and sent him up. I was thankful and yet in some masochistic way disappointed at our interruption.
Logan watched me, and I nervously licked my lips under his gaze. His eyes followed the subtle action, and I quickly slammed my mouth shut then rubbed my arms as the shivers coursed through me.
Logan managed to erase every thought except for him and pulled me into a place I had no intention to ever go again. I was going to have my own farm, my business, and help save the horses that needed me. I’d never submit to another man again and be that weak.
Another knock.
“Do you want me to get that?”
“Um, no.” I reached for the door handle, then stopped. “Sculpt?”
“Yeah, baby.”
God, when he called me that I felt like I could just erase everything that happened and start over.
Another knock. Louder.
I looked at the door then back to Logan. “I’m not something to win.”
Logan frowned. “No. No, you’re not. But you’re something to treasure.”
“Logan—” I stopped as soon as his name passed my lips.
He began his approach, slow and steady. I thought he was going to touch me, pull me into his arms, even kiss me. Instead he reached by me, his arm brushing my lower back.
“And a trophy ... I will always treasure.” Logan pulled the door open.
Deck stood in his faded jeans and black T-shirt as he looked from me to Logan then held out his hand, and Logan shook it. “Logan.” I jerked. Deck called him by his real name. “Band sounded great last night. All good?”
“Could be better.”
Deck’s eyes swung to me. He was scowling, not that scowling was unusual, but it was directed at me, and I wasn’t sure why. “You tell her?”
Tell me what?
“Don’t go there, Deck.” Logan’s voice was low, and he ground out the words.
Go where? It was like suddenly I wasn’t in the room and the two most assertive and self-assured men in the city were having a private conversation despite the fact that I was standing right there.
Deck gave a curt nod to Logan. “You coming with us?”
I stiffened and looked at Logan. “To Georgie’s? Why would you come to Georgie’s?”
Deck and Logan exchanged a look then Deck said, “Georgie invited the band over for brunch last night, Emily.”
“Oh.” I didn’t like that. It meant Logan integrating into my life.
Logan put his hand on the small of my back. It was barely a touch, a light dusting of his hand, but it was possessive and ... it felt protective.
“I need to meet up with Matt then I’ll be by. But you know what Georgie said last night?”
Deck nodded.
Logan’s fingers squeezed my waist. “I want to see you before I leave, Mouse.”
“What for?”
Deck’s brows rose, and I noticed the slightest twitch at the corner of his mouth.
Logan’s hand found mine and he interlinked our fingers and squeezed. “See you in a bit, Eme.” And then he was gone.
A whirlwind had just swept through me. I was so confused and uncertain at how to feel about Logan right now that I felt sick to my stomach. It was too much. The same friends, him owning the farm. It was like I was being thrown at him from every direction, and Logan was right there waiting with open arms.