CHAPTER Seven
Taiya
I look over at Scott and sigh. We’re sitting on the couch, and I can’t take my mind off Ryan. I don’t know why I feel guilty, considering Ryan and I are separated and Scott is just a friend, but I do. The look on his face… I scrub my hand down my face, wanting to go and talk to him. I don’t want him thinking that I would bring a guy and shove him in his face, even though I don’t really have to answer to Ryan. He’s been around the block and back while I was away. True, he hasn’t shoved any women in my face since I’ve been back, but does that change anything? I guess it does. To hear about something and to see it is something completely different. Scott is a family friend of mine, and we became close when he came to South Africa on holiday. There is nothing romantic about our relationship, and we’ve never so much as held hands. I tried to explain that to Ryan the last time, except he was too busy punching Scott in the face. I think Ryan was shocked at seeing me, and took it out on Scott. He held his temper in check today, but I could tell it cost him.
“You going to tell him we’re just friends?” Scott says, peeling the label off his beer.
“I’ll talk to him,” I say. I feel like walking over there right now.
“It’s probably a good idea for my health,” Scott replies, quirking an eyebrow. My lips twitch. Trust Scott to find something amusing about this situation. “How’s your mum holding up?”
“She seems okay, a little tired, but in good spirits,” I answer softly. My mum loves Ryan. She was so upset when I decided to leave the country.
Running away won’t solve anything, Taiya girl.
Boy was she right. A year later and I still have a husband and a shitload of problems on my hands.
“F*ck. I need to talk to Ryan. Give me twenty minutes, okay?” I tell Scott, standing up and pulling at the hem of my shirt.
“Take your time. I’ll catch up on some work,” he says, waving his hand. Scott’s a really great guy. I lean down and kiss him on the cheek.
“Wish me luck,” I mutter under my breath, knowing that I’m going to need it. Closing the door behind me, I take the stairs to Ryan’s apartment. I knock twice, shifting on my feet nervously. I knock again before he finally opens it, standing there in nothing but a pair of boxer shorts. I open my mouth, and close it. Only to open it again. “Been working out?” I squeak out, staring at his chiselled six-pack of abs.
“What do you want, Taiya?” he asks, not even amused by my obvious perusal.
“Can we talk?” I ask.
“Oh, now you want to talk. No thanks, I’m really busy right now,” he says, moving to close the door. I put my hand on the door, pushing it open and walking past him. I notice his apartment is a hell of a lot nicer than mine, and much more spacious. I walk into his lounge room and flop down onto his couch. “Make yourself at home,” he says, an odd tone to his voice. I stare up at him, but his expression shows nothing.
“About before?”
He cuts me off. “You mean you parading your latest f*ck around the building?”
I gape. “You hypocritical a*shole! You’ve f*cked everything with a pulse, but I can’t bring one guy to my apartment?” Okay, totally getting off track here. But the nerve of him!
“I haven’t had anyone since you returned, Taiya,” he says, sitting down opposite me. “But nice to see you were keeping tabs on me.”
“So what? You want a Husband of the Year Award or something?”
His expression darkens, his jaw ticking. “Heaven forbid you say something nice about me.”
“Oh, I said something nice about you at the door when I was drooling over your body,” I blurt out, not looking directly at him.
“See something you like, did you?” he asks, his tone laced with disdain.
“Are you… offended I was checking you out?” I ask, extremely f*cking confused.
His lips tighten, and he pushes his blond hair off his face. “Why are you here?”
“I wanted to tell you about Scott,” I start.
“Look, Taiya?”
“He’s a friend. Just a friend. He’s never even touched me, so stop with the jealous bullshit, Ryan,” I get out, cutting off whatever he was going to say. He eyes me suspiciously, as if gauging if what I’m saying is the truth.
“You’ve never f*cked him?”
“No,” I snap.
“Kissed him?”
“No, Ryan,” I answer patiently.
“He clearly wants you,” he says, clenching his fists.
“He doesn’t want me, trust me. Just friends. So stop looking at me like I kicked your puppy.”
“Of course he wants you, Taiya. What man wouldn’t want you?” he says sweetly, and I instantly soften.
“Not everyone feels that way, Ryan,” I say softly.
“Then they are blind.”
“Are we okay?” I ask, trying to stop my eyes from roaming down to his chest. Smooth, rippled, tanned skin. He’s so beautiful it almost hurts. The fact that so many women after me have seen this, have had this man even if only for a night, it hurts like nothing I’ve ever known.
He clears his throat. “Eyes up here, wife.”
“Why? By law doesn’t all this belong to me?” I ask, instantly cursing myself for saying that. I seriously can’t control myself around this man. It’s always been that way.
“Interesting that you say that,” he says. As if taking that as permission, his eyes trail over my body for the first time tonight. “As your husband, I want no more males entering your apartment.”
“You’re kidding me?” I ask.
“Dead serious,” he says, his lips curving into a sly smirk.
“Scott’s a friend,” I say slowly.
“If he has a dick, he’s included,” he says nonchalantly.
“We’re getting divorced. None of this matters.”
“That’s yet to be seen,” he says, studying me under his lashes.
I look around his apartment. “I bet these walls have a few stories to tell.”
“Actually, the only woman who’s been in here, besides you, is Summer,” he throws back, grinning. Clearly happy with himself.
“So you must have moved in recently then,” I guess.
Probably just moved in a few days ago.
Silence. Bingo.
“Why did you f*ck around so much?” I ask boldly. I need to know the answer to this.
He looks surprised at my question, at the fact that I just spoke about something important. Something addressing the past, something that I didn’t dodge. He sighs heavily, leaning back in his chair.
“You left me. I was pissed. I was hurt. My heart was ripped open, Taiya. You obviously didn’t give a shit, since you bailed, so I did what I had to do to distract myself.” He looks straight into my eyes. Green clashing with blue. “I’m not proud, or anything like that. It was just my life without you in it.”
“Is that what you thought?”
“What?”
“That I didn’t give a shit. That’s why I left? I left because I loved you so much and you destroyed me. You broke me, Ryan.” I needed this reminder. I can’t let myself lower my guard around him again. He’s my weakness. He hurt me once. Who’s to say he won’t do it a second time? Am I that desperate for him that I’m willing to give him control over my heart again? I might not be able to heal myself the second time around. I can’t run again. I won’t let myself.
With that, I stand up and walk out of his apartment, wiping the tears from my cheeks.