CHAPTER Five
Ryan
I rest my head against the door listening to her cry. Each sob rips a hole in my heart, each tear lies on my conscience. Instead of walking away and trying to clear my head, I stand there and punish myself by listening to her, because I know I deserve it. She’s hurting. I’m hurting. This whole thing is f*cked up. We need each other. I just wish she could see it. I could be there for her again, if she’d let me. I want to bang my head against the door, but then she would know I’m still here, standing in front of her door like a f*cking creeper. I lift my hand to knock on the door, to beg her to let me comfort her, to hold her in my arms. I pull back my hand before it connects with the door, and instead pull at the ends of my hair, and squeeze my eyes shut. I put my hand in my pocket, fingering my wedding ring. It’s on me, where I always keep it. I may not wear it, only because it didn’t feel right when I was with other women. I slide the ring back on my finger. When I hear her move away from the door, only then do I do the same.
*****
The next day, I get off my black Harley Fat Boy, and walk into the crowded bar, nodding and smiling along the way at the familiar faces.
“‘Bout time you got here,” Tag says, throwing a tea towel at my head. I catch it with one hand, grinning at him.
“Isn’t Summer meant to be here?” I ask, frowning as I look around.
“She’s running late,” Tag says, running his hand over his shaved head.
“Did she call in?”
“Reid called in for her,” he says, his lips twitching in amusement. “The perks of screwing the boss, eh?” he jokes. A woman walks up to the bar and Tag leans in to hear her order. I chuckle when she flirtatiously pulls at his goatee. He hates that, I know he does, but I don’t know why. He gently untangles the woman’s fingers and starts to make her drink. I see Rachel walk up to me, a girl I once spent the weekend with. Summer always tells me I have a type, and going by what she says, I guess Rachel would be it. She has a curvy figure, long hair and bedroom eyes.
“Hey Ryan,” she coos, smiling up at me.
“Hey Rach, what can I get you?” I ask her, giving her a friendly smile in return.
“One margarita please,” she orders, leaning against the bar.
“Sure thing,” I tell her, grabbing the glass and commencing to make the cocktail.
“Come home with me tonight?” she asks bluntly, once I’ve finished making the drink. She bites her lip, giving me a look that says ‘I’ll make it worth your while.’
I place it down in front of her. “Sorry, can’t do, babe.” I say it gently, so not to hurt her feelings. I know how much rejection can hurt.
“Why not?” she pouts, pushing away her blonde hair. She doesn’t look upset, more like she’s confused.
“I’m a one woman man these days,” I tell her, grinning. It’s the truth. She may not be mine again… yet, but she will be. I don’t think a man has ever loved a woman more than I do her, and hopefully, she realises that. If not, hopefully, I can prove it to her.
Her face shows her surprise. “Really? Since when?”
“Since now,” I tell her, thanking her as she hands over the money for the drink. I put it in the cash register and pull out her change.
“Hope she knows how lucky she is,” she says, accepting the remainder of her money.
“Actually, I’m the lucky one,” I tell her, smiling. It’s the truth. If only she would let me in, let me see that side of her again. Her vulnerable side. It’s not like I expected Taiya to fall back into my arms yesterday, but I guess I was hoping for… something. When I left, hearing her cry ripped my heart out. Those tears let me know a few things. They show just how much I’ve hurt her, but they also show that she cares enough to maybe work things out. I need to fix the damage I’ve caused, to show her just how amazing she is. The woman deserves the world, and I plan to give it to her.
Rachel sighs. “I highly doubt that,” she says under her breath, before walking back to the table, drink in hand. I smile at her retreating back. If she only knew.
“Can I get a drink or you going to stare at the blonde all night?” comes Xander’s amused voice. I turn to my left, smiling at him in welcome. His long hair is tied back away from his face, showing off the ink on his neck. I think he’s had even more work done since the last time I’ve seen him.
“That new?” I ask him, pointing to the side of his neck.
“Yup,” he says, sitting down on one of the stools.
“Soon, we aren’t going to be able to see any of your skin,” I say as I pour him a beer.
“I don’t have any on my legs,” he says, lifting his shoulder in a shrug.
“Yet,” we both say at the same time. I’ve known Xander for a while now. He’s younger than me, but doesn’t look it. With his tattoos, muscular build and penetrating eyes, he looks like someone you wouldn’t want to mess with.
“How’s Jack?” I ask, referring to his dad. I slide him his beer across the table.
“You know Dad,” he says, lifting the glass and taking a long sip. “I thought Summer was meant to be here?”
“Yeah, me too. Reid’s giving her a late pass,” I say, chuckling at my own joke.
Xander tightens his lips. “Sucks not having her at home, so I come to see her and she’s not even here.”
“She’ll be here; don’t worry,” I say, crossing my arms and watching him. He loves his sister so much it’s insane. I guess because she was never always in his life, he doesn’t take her for granted now. Xander grew up with his dad, and Summer with her mum. He really is a good man, and I hope he doesn’t ever get involved in the things his old man used to.
“Hey,” Tag says, walking over to us. I realise he served everyone at the bar while I was here shooting the shit.
“We still on for tomorrow?” Xander asks Tag. Tag grins slowly, and nods. What the hell are these two up to?
“What’s happening tomorrow?” I ask, extremely curious. When they both start laughing at my question, I stand up straighter. Now, I really need to know.
“Sorry I’m late!” Summer calls out as she rushes behind the bar. I notice that her hair looks different, lighter or something. We all watch as she rushes to the office and comes back seconds later without her bag. She then walks over to her brother and kisses him on the cheek in greeting.
“What did I miss?” she asks, scanning each of our faces.
“You mean besides work?” Tag says dryly, earning him an elbow to the stomach from Summer.
I chuckle. Summer rolls her eyes, and then leans down to grab an apple juice box from the fridge.
A customer stands at the bar and Tag quickly walks over to serve him.
“So Taiya and I are hanging out next Saturday,” she says, poking the straw in and taking a sip. Yes, Reid stocks the bar with her favourite drink.
“Really?” I say, extremely interested. I lean down and wait for her to tell me more.
“I thought we’d start here for pre-drinks then head out clubbing.”
“Who’s going?” I ask.
“Me, Taiya, her friend Isis and…” She mumbles the last name so I can’t understand what she said.
“You, Taiya, Isis and who?” I ask, frowning.
She purses her lips, and then huffs out a frustrated breath. “Reid.”
Xander and I laugh. “Reid is tagging along on girls’ night?”
“He’s… insisting,” she says, looking put out. Truth be told, I’m thrilled Reid is going. He can keep an eye on Taiya for me, so I know she will get home in one piece, and no guys will try anything with her if Reid is standing right there. If they value their lives, anyway.
“I thought you wore the pants in the relationship?” I tease, referring to a conversation we had recently. Summer claimed that she ran the show, and from what I’ve seen, it might be true in certain situations. My brother will do anything to make Summer happy. But when it comes to Summer’s safety, Reid does what Reid wants, and I don’t think that’s ever going to change.
“You gotta choose your battles,” she says wisely. Ain’t that the truth.
“And you’re choosing not to fight Reid on this one?”
“I think it’s a great idea,” Xander adds in, grinning. He’s just as overprotective of Summer, if not worse. “Perhaps I’ll tag along too.”
“The hell you will,” Summer grits out, narrowing her eyes at her baby brother.
“Why not?” Xander says over his pint of beer.
Summer throws her hands up in frustration. “I have no female friends! I’m trying to make one. You guys are all going to scare her off!”
“What about Jade?” I add in, leaning on the table.
“She doesn’t count.”
“Why not?” I ask, my brows furrowing in confusion.
“‘Cos I’m stuck with her. I didn’t choose her,” she says, making a face.
“I’m pretty sure it doesn’t work like that,” I say slowly, leaning over and tugging on her ponytail.
She shrugs, pulling her hair out of my reach. “I’m surrounded by you guys twenty-four-seven. It would be nice to have some female company.” I grin. I imagine we would get overbearing at times.
“Who are you going out with?” Xander asks, rubbing his fingers over his sun tattoo.
“Taiya and her roommate.”
“Is she hot?” Xander asks.
“Who? Taiya?” Summer asks, frowning. She darts her eyes to me as if seeing if I’m gonna jump over the bar and beat the shit out of Xander just for asking.
“No, I’ve met Taiya. The roomie.”
“Isis? Yeah she is beautiful. But she’s off limits. Stay away from my friends, Xander, please!”
“Why? I’m a decent guy,” he says, looking put out. I eye his long hair and tattoos and grin. He will probably scare poor Isis away.
“Yeah, you are. But I’m trying to make friends, and if they hook up with you, it’s going to end in disaster.”
“What are you trying to say?” Xander asks, narrowing his hazel eyes. These two. It’s so amusing to watch them interact.
“I’m saying that you can’t have a one-night stand with any of my friends!” Summer says, throwing her hands in the air.
“You hooked up with mine,” Xander points out.
Summer purses her lips. “I didn’t have a one-night stand with Reid. I’m going to marry the man. It’s not the same.”
“You just made Isis forbidden fruit,” I mutter, shaking my head. Rookie mistake. Does she not know men at all?
Her eyes widen. “I did not,” she quickly backtracks, frowning at her brother. “Isis is looking to settle down,” she adds quickly, knowing that would probably scare Xander off. Okay, maybe she does know. “Shit, I better go help Tag,” she mutters, and I turn to see a group of customers walking up to the bar. As soon as she’s gone, Xander raises an eyebrow at me.
“She’s pretty,” I tell him. And she is. She has nothing on Taiya though, hell, no one does.
“Of course she is,” he mutters, but I see him hiding a grin. I refill his glass and then serve a few customers, before heading into the back to try to get some paperwork done. I cringe at the large pile of receipts, turning the laptop on and taking a seat at the desk. Reid walks in an hour later, unable to mask the look on his face. I slowly stand up.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, instantly on alert.
Reid sighs heavily, rubbing the back of his head. “Got a letter from Dad.”
I clench my jaw, lowering my eyes. “We told him not to contact us anymore.”
“He wants us to visit,” Reid says, clenching and unclenching his hands.
“Yeah, not going to happen.”
“I know. I just thought I’d tell you. You’d get pissed at me if I didn’t,” he says, watching me closely. I roll my eyes. I’m not going to have a breakdown at any moment, if that’s what he’s waiting for.
“Heard you’re going to the club with my girl?” I say, changing what is a very touchy subject for the both of us.
“Your girl?” he repeats, grinning. The tension in the room evaporates just like that.
“I believe in positive thinking,” I tell him, sitting back down in the chair. It creaks as it accepts my weight. Reid looks at me, as if seeing the truth under my cockiness.
“Taiya’s a good girl.”
“I know she is.”
“You need to talk to her about what happened that night,” he says, walking over to me and affectionately squeezing my shoulder. A lot happened that night. If I could have a do-over, it would make my life much easier. So many misconceptions and some seriously wrong timing. In the end, I did screw up, especially by not going after her and explaining. Just not as bad as Taiya thinks. She and I were high school sweethearts. We were each other’s firsts, and I was hoping lasts. When I proposed at twenty-one, and she accepted, it was the best day of my life. We had a small wedding, with just our close family and friends. Taiya’s sister, Claire, was her maid of honour, and Reid was my best man. Everyone said we shouldn’t get married, tried to advise us against it, but we didn’t listen. We were in love. More than in love. We were head over f*cking heels, obsessed, couldn’t keep our hands off each other in love. I still feel the same way about her. If anything, absence has made the heart fonder and I crave her more than ever. Back then, we spent as much time as we could together, and we just got each other. I let her in—more than any other person—other than Reid. It’s true I kept her protected from a few things in my life, a few things from my past, but that was because I didn’t want to taint her with my shit. She was too good for that.
Everything was perfect.
Until I messed up.
After having an argument, I gave Taiya time to calm down, while I gathered my thoughts. I went back the next day, hoping that I could explain everything to her. Except when I went to her mum’s house, she informed me that Taiya had left. Left as in, left the country. She had packed a bag, and run to South Africa, where I knew she had family. She did leave me a note. I still have that note, even though I can remember it word for word.
That note broke my damn heart. The words run through my mind of their own accord…
Ryan,
All the best days of my life had you in them. Or maybe they were the best days of my life because you were in them. Either way, everywhere I look, I see you.
You are everywhere.
And everywhere hurts.
That’s why I need to leave. Because one look at you and I’ll want to forget. Forget what I saw, forget that you took my heart and stomped on it. That you broke me.
I don’t know who I am anymore, and that just pisses me off. There is no good way this can end. We both just need to move on with our lives, find out what we want. Well, find out what you want. I knew what I wanted. I just didn’t know how to keep it. Move on without me, because I’ll be doing the same.
Taiya
“Don’t worry, I have a plan,” I tell my brother, pushing her words out of my mind. If, not leaving her alone and grovelling, could be considered a plan, well, then, yeah, I had a plan.
“Just be yourself,” he jokes, trying to keep a serious face but barely managing. I chuckle at his sage advice, closing my laptop and shoving all the papers in the top drawer.
“Have you spoken to her?” I ask him. Reid and Taiya used to be pretty good friends.
“Well, the first time I saw her she was too busy slapping you across the face,” he says, his lip twitching and his eyes alight with amusement.
“Good times,” I add dryly.
“The second time I ran into her with Summer, we spoke for a few minutes. It was mainly Summer trying to get Taiya to go out with her. She can be very persuasive when she wants to be,” he says, pride evident by the glint in his eyes.
“Yeah, she’s a firecracker, that one.”
He lifts his shoulder in a shrug. “I thought I’d tag along with them, keep an eye out. Even though I don’t fight anymore, you never know what kind of grudges those douchebags could still be holding.”
“Shit, I never even thought of that,” I mutter, scowling. Reid used to fight in underground MMA, and in the past, things have gotten out of hand with other fighters. Fights have broken out. Once, a fighter made lewd comments about Summer, wanting to start shit; there was no stopping Reid.
“I don’t think anything will happen, but you know me, I’d rather be wherever Summer is.”
“And you’re obviously man enough to admit it,” I say, grinning widely.
Reid flexes his ripped biceps. “Anyone have anything to say about it?” he mock threats, showing off.
“I could take you.”
He grins, all teeth. “It’s adorable that you think so, baby brother.”
“Baby? By like, a minute.” If that.
“Still counts,” he taunts, grinning.
“Are you two done?” came an amused voice at the door. Reid turns around, and I look behind him to see Summer standing in the doorway, her eyes twinkling at our enlightening conversation.
“We will continue this conversation at a later time,” I tell Reid, walking past him and nudging him with my shoulder. “Everything all right?” I ask Summer.
“Yeah. Tag just went home so one of you needs to come help out front. But I can see you guys are busy doing something important, so…” she trails off, raising an eyebrow.
“I’m on it. Reid can handle the stocktake,” I call out, walking past Summer and exiting the room.