The Mighty Storm

Chapter Nineteen




“You were gone ages,” Will says.
I smooth my skirt down as I sit in my seat, acutely aware of the fact that I have no panties on.
“Sorry. The queue for the toilet was really long, and when I was in there, I felt a little sick.”
“Are you okay?” His brow furrows with concern.
Concern I really do not deserve.
“Yes, I’m fine. I just felt a little hot, a little queasy, but I’m fine now.”
I’m not fine, I’m miserable, disgusted with myself, and so very screwed up.
Here I was promising myself I’d be better for Will, and then I go and have sex with Jake in a bathroom. And now I’m an even bigger mess than I was before.
I pick my margarita up.
“Is it a good idea to drink that if you feel sick, darling? I can go to the bar and get you some water if you want?”
“No, I’m fine – honestly,” I add at Will’s worried expression.
What I need right now is alcohol and lots of it. I take a deep gulp of my margarita.
Stuart catches my eye and gives me a knowing look, lifting his eyebrow.
He knows I’m sleeping with Jake.
Of course he does. Dave knows so it makes sense he does.
I’ve spent the last five days holed up with Jake. And Stuart is his PA. He knows Jake’s itinerary, his every movement. It’s his job to.
I bet he thinks I’m a complete slut.
My cheeks burn with shame.
I glance across the room, past Stuart, and see Jake is with Zzhuilette again.
I get a twisted feeling in my stomach.
She’s sitting in his lap and they’re sharing a cigarette. She puts it in his mouth, holding it to his lips while he takes a drag. Touching his lips with her fingers.
Lips that were on mine minutes before. Kissing me, everywhere.
She transfers the cigarette to her own lips and takes a long, sultry drag. Leaning close, she blows the smoke into Jake’s mouth.
I feel a flash of white hot jealously streak through me, as I see that his hand is on her thigh, his other stroking her arm, intimately.
I have a flash of memory, his hands on me, touching me.
Then I watch as Jake releases the used smoke from his mouth, and leans in and whispers something in her ear. She throws her head back and laughs.
How can he do this when he was just in there with me? How can he move on so quickly?
He’s sitting there with her in his lap, and my torn panties in his pocket.
I feel sick.
He catches my eye.
Don’t kiss her. Please don’t kiss her.
Then with clear defiance on his face, he grabs hold of the back of her head, and plants his mouth on hers.
I almost vomit into my drink.
How could he do this? He was having sex with me less than ten minutes ago and now he’s out here kissing another woman.
I know I’m no angel in this, but I would never have come back out here, after been with him in there, and stuck my tongue down Will’s throat.
Hot tears burn the backs of my eyes. I have the urge to run.
But where to? And it’s not like I can just run off anyway. Will would wonder what the hell was wrong with me.
I’m trapped here, doomed to watch, while Jake kisses another woman, minutes after having sex with me.
Deep breaths, Tru. It’s okay. It’s all going to be okay.
Closing my eyes, shutting them out, I pick my margarita up and drain the glass.
But I have to look again. It’s torture, but I can’t help myself.
I open my eyes to see Jake’s no longer kissing her; he’s talking to Tom, who also has a groupie hanging off him. But Zzhuilette is still in Jake’s lap. Her hands are on him.
I hate her, and I hate him.
No I don’t, I love him. But I want to hate him. In this moment it’s all I want. It would make all of this so much easier if I did.
Because this is Jake. This is what he does. It’s what he’s famous for.
He never gave a shit about being with me. I’m just a challenge to him. Something to conquer. He would have got bored with me the instant he took me off Will, and would have tossed me aside like all the rest of them.
Jake can have his pick of women. There’s not one single reason why he would have wanted me as his forever.
And I’m seeing the evidence clear, now, before me.
“Another drink, darling?” Will’s already on his feet, gesturing to my empty glass.
He’s so attentive. I don’t deserve him.
I do love him.
But I love Jake. More. I think. I don’t know.
Crap.
“Shots!” I blurt out.
Will gives me a puzzled look.
“Ooh, I’m down for shots,” Stuart chips in, grinning, tapping his fingers on the table.
I think I’ve just found my drinking soul mate for the evening, seeing as though Simone has abandoned me for the gorgeous, sweet Denny.
Why can’t Jake be more like Denny?
“A round of tequila shots please, baby … oh, and a beer chaser and another margarita – Stuart?” I look at him with a question.
He looks back at me impressed.
Well if I have to spend the night watching Jake maul a leggy redhead not long after having sex with me, then I’m going to do it drunk.
Stuart looks up at Will, and says, “I’ll have what the lovely Tru is having, oh and make sure to put it on Jake’s tab.”
He winks at me.
“Okay. Good. I’ll be back in a minute,” Will mutters still looking slightly perplexed.
I know he thinks I’ve lost it. He probably thinks I’m spending too much time around musicians. He’s right I am. But not in the way he thinks. My problem is I’ve been spending way too much time with one musician in particular – in the very blackest sense of the word.
But right now, I don’t care. It’s either get drunk, or go ass-over-backwards crazy.
I opt for drunk.
And I’m kind of loving Stuart right now for supporting me in my alcohol binge, and for spending Jake’s money in the process of helping me do it.
I watch Will go over to the bar. Anything to keep my wandering eyes off Jake and Zzhuilette.
I see Simone is still perched at the bar, her and Denny deep in conversation, totally engrossed with each other.
I’m glad for her. Denny is a cool guy.
“You hanging in there, gorgeous?” Stuart asks me, bringing my attention around to him. “Or do you want me to go kick his ass.”
“Who?” I’m confused.
“Jake.” He raises his eyebrows at me.
“Oh.” I lean my head into my hand, and glance over at him. “Am I that transparent?”
“No. But he is.” He tilts his head back in Jake’s direction.
“Please don’t say anything to anyone … Will.”
He gives me an, ‘as if I would’ look.
“Thank you,” I utter quietly.
“Tru, I don’t like to stick my nose in other people’s business … but look, gorgeous, Jake’s not only my boss, he’s my friend, and I’ve known him a long time – I live with the guy. And basically, the idiot is crazy about you. I have never seen him, with anyone, the way he is with you.”
I look at him surprised by his words.
“Except for when he’s sticking his tongue down the throat of a leggy redhead,” I add, trying to muster up a smile.
It doesn’t work.
“Don’t let that bother you, honey. That’s just Jake trying to prove a point to you and himself. Trying to prove you don’t matter to him as much as he knows you do. It’s not going so well, as you can see. He doesn’t do hurt well, so he’s trying to hurt you to make himself feel better. He’s all about the pain that one.”
He leans closer to me.
“He’s not used to this, gorgeous. Women don’t play with Jake. He plays with them. He uses them as he sees fit and then tosses them aside when’s he’s had enough. It’s what he’s done since I’ve been with him, and long before that I imagine. It’s all he knows how to do. I can’t even begin to tell you how many women I’ve drove home, consoled, fielded calls from, had to arrange restraining orders against … anyway, I digress,” he says at my pained expression. “Basically, since you arrived back in his life he’s changed.”
“He hasn’t.” I shake my head.
He touches my arm, briefly. “He has, chica. He was living in his own world, floating along in his overly large, Jake bubble, screwing anything with a pulse, and then you came back into his life and I saw the instant change in him. From that day in the hotel, when he saw you, he’s been different. No screwing around. He’s like a freakin’ Catholic priest – minus the boys,” he chuckles.
“He can’t screw around, because he finds himself not wanting to, because he can’t get you out of his head. It’s an alien concept for him, sweetheart. He’s ten-shades of crazy about you, which I’m pretty sure he’s already realised – add in to that you have a boyfriend you won’t give up for him … and this is the result.” He waves his hand over his shoulder in Jake’s general direction, leaning back in his chair. “He’s met his equal in you that’s for sure.”
“I don’t know about that, and it’s not that I won’t give Will up,” I whisper. “There’s just–”
“Never a right time, honey, I know. There never is when it comes to breaking someone’s heart. But you will have to break one of those boys’ hearts, and I’d say sooner rather than later. But I figure you already know that. And Jake, well he’ll regret whatever continuing performance he puts on tonight – tomorrow. Remember honey, he’s a man, and with men you just you have to treat them like the children they are.”
I raise my brow at him. “You’re a man…”
“Yes, but I’m the best kind of man, my gorgeous-one, I’m Venus and Mars.” He winks at me.
I can’t help but laugh, even though inside I’m in complete and utter agony.
Then one of my favourite dance songs comes on.
“You wanna dance?” I ask to Stuart, getting to my feet, holding my hand out to him.
I refuse to sit here wallowing for a moment longer. I want to forget, and dancing will make me forget.
“You’re asking a gay guy if he wants to dance? Is the Pope celibate – actually no don’t answer that.” He gets to his feet and takes hold of my hand. “It will be my absolute pleasure to grind on that dance floor with the hottest chica here tonight.”
“Ah, now you’re definitely just being Mars.”
“Damn,” he grins.
I catch Will’s eye at the bar and indicate to him that Stuart and I are hitting the dance floor. He gives me a brief nod.
Stuart leads me onto the dance floor by the hand. I instantly start to relax.
I leave behind thoughts of Jake and Will, and complicated relationships at the edge of this dance floor, and lose myself in my one true love. Music.
And hell, I thought Jake could move – Stuart would knock him on his ass in a dance-off, and Jake being knocked on his ass is something I would take great pleasure in watching right now.
Stuart is moving around the floor like a pro and I actually look like I know what I’m doing thanks to his awesomeness. Not that I’m a bad dancer, but Stuart is dynamite.
I wonder if he ever used to dance professionally?
We are starting to attract quite a few stares. And I can see Jake watching us from his table. Zzhuilette is off his lap for the time being, thank god. She’s probably plumping up her cleavage in the toilet.
The toilet I had sex with Jake in.
I feel sick.
Then I catch Jake’s eye, and for that brief moment my heart stop its beat.
He doesn’t look happy. He looks angry.
I look away.
He can’t be annoyed that I’m dancing with Stuart, surely? One – Stuart’s gay. And two – he’s just had his tongue stuck down another woman’s throat.
The thought turns my stomach. I shut the image out of my mind.
You know what? I hope it is pissing him off. Right now I want to hurt him, and I’m going to do just that.
I throw my arms around Stuart’s neck and moving close to his body, I dance into him.
As we move around, I see Tom look at me, then lean across and say something in Jake’s ear.
Jake nods his head without taking his eyes off me.
My cheeks start to burn. It’s awful knowing I’m being talked about, but no clue as to what’s being said.
Does Tom know about us? Seems like everyone else does, so why not Tom too, he is one of Jake’s closest friends after all, him and Denny both.
Jake pulls a cigarette out of his pack and lights up. Then throws back his glass of whiskey, and refills it from the bottle on the table.
“A girl who can dance – finally!” Stuart cheers, pulling my attention back to him, grabbing hold of my hips. “I’ve found my Ginger! Tru, seriously, if you had less tits and more cock, I’d be proposing marriage to you right now!” He spins me around.
“It can always be arranged,” I laugh. “Marry me?” I hold out my hand dramatically to him.
He grabs it and yanks me back to his chest. “Vegas tomorrow, baby. I’ll be the one in white at the Elvis chapel.”
“I’ll be there.” I wink at him.
We both start laughing, as he starts to move me around the floor again.
I like Stuart. He’s so much fun, and so uncomplicated and as hot as hell. He could give Jake a run for his money in those stakes.
Why isn’t he straight?
Actually no, my life is complicated enough as it is without trying to add another guy into the picture.
“Our favourite rock star is not happy that I’m grinding with you on the dance floor,” he whispers in my ear.
“Right now, I’m having way too much fun to care whatever Jake is.”
“Atta girl!” He smacks my behind with his hand, and I squeal with laughter, as he spins me around and presses his chest up against my back.
Bending his knees into mine, taking me down slowly with him, and then back up.
Dancing with me just like Jake did in the club.
The first night we slept together.
“Uh-oh, here comes the trouble now,” Stuart whispers in my ear.
I flicker my eyes in Jake’s direction and see he is on his feet, stubbing his cigarette out in the ashtray, has a seriously pissed off look on his face, eyes fixed on me and Stuart, and is now heading straight for us.
My stomach flips over.
Maybe I’ve pushed it too far? No, he was just giving mouth to mouth to his little groupie before. I’m doing nothing wrong.
But what if he causes a scene in front of Will?
“Don’t worry, gorgeous, I can handle Jake, it’s my job – remember?” Stuart whispers, seeing my worried expression. “He won’t cause a scene, I promise you.”
I want to believe that, but Jake can be irrational.
When he reaches us, his face is stony. I think he’s going to chew me out here and now, but ignoring me, he turns to Stuart.
He leans in and whispers something in Stuart’s ear, while I stand here like a spare part.
Stuart puts his hand on Jake’s shoulder, saying something back to him. I wish I could hear their exchange.
Jake’s expression tightens. Whatever Stuart said, Jake didn’t like it.
Stuart turns to me, giving me a warm smile. “I gotta go work for a little while, gorgeous. Always on the clock.” He winks at me. “We’ll finish this dance later?”
“Definitely,” I smile.
I start to walk away, going the opposite direction to Stuart, heading back to our table, but Jake catches hold of my hand, pulling me back. “Where are you going?”
I yank my hand free. “Well you just got rid of my dance partner, so now I’m going to drink myself into next week.”
“Can I come with you?”
I press my lips together and stare him.
“Dance with me.” He holds his hand out.
“Yeah, because that worked out so well for me the last time I did. And where’s your redhead anyway? Won’t she want to dance with you?”
Withdrawing his hand, he stares down at me. “She’s not mine, I told you, there’s only one girl I want to be mine.”
My skin aches on my suddenly tired bones.
“You seem to have staked a fairly certain claim on her earlier.” I’m trying to come off as nonchalant, but the truth is, it’s hurting like a bitch.
I want to call him out for kissing her after having sex with me, but now certainly is not the time or the place.
The previous song fades and No Doubt’s, ‘Don’t Speak’ starts to pump out through the speakers.
Jake looks up like Gwen Stefani is here and speaking to him right now. And really the song couldn’t be more apt for him and I.
I wonder if he’s thinking the same.
He looks down at me, a sudden darkness in his light eyes. “Well the woman I want is here with another man … so what’s a guy to do?” he says the words slow, deliberate.
Honestly, right now, I have no clue. But all I do know is we’re ripping each other to pieces. And this song is killing me.
I make to leave, but he’s not letting me go anywhere and the next thing I know he’s up against my back, arms holding me there, dancing with me, moving me with him.
“Stay with me tonight,” he whispers in my ear. “I don’t want to sleep without you. I need you.”
It makes my heart ache.
“No you don’t.” I turn, brushing against his chest. “You made that pretty clear earlier.”
“You sure about that?” He stares down, looking deep into my eyes.
“Have you still got my panties in your pocket?”
He grins.
“Can I have them back?”
“What do you think?”
He spins me out, then pulls me back, hard into his chest.
My heart is beating out of mine.
“Why did you stop Stuart from dancing with me?”
“Because he has work to do.” He pulls me even closer, his hand on my lower back.
I raise my eyebrow sceptically at him.
“Fine,” he exhales loudly. “Watching him dancing with you was driving me crazy.”
“He’s gay!” I exclaim.
“I don’t care if he’s a f*ckin’ monk. I hated seeing his hands all over you. If he wasn’t so good at his job, I’d fire his ass,” he mutters.
“You’d fire Stuart for dancing with me?”
“Yes.”
“I didn’t know you were so jealous.”
“Neither did I.”
I stare at him for a long moment. “For your information, I asked Stuart to dance with me, and he only agreed to, to help distract me from your sexploits with your groupie.”
“You told him about us?” He looks surprised.
I shake my head, no. “He guessed, he’s not stupid.”
“Shame your boyfriend is.”
I give him a sharp look. “Don’t,” I warn him. “I’m not fighting with you again about this.”
“Why not? I think we’re pretty good at it. Even better at the making up. You felt amazing before, Tru,” he whispers close. “You always feel amazing, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, making you feel as good as you do me.”
My skin hums.
He’s so close. I can feel his heat all over me.
“You’re mine, Tru.”
“I thought you were done with me?” I say, making sure my voice is steady, even though my insides are trembling. “And after watching you with her, I’m feeling pretty done myself.”
I don’t mean it, but I’m hurting badly.
He stares down at me for a long moment. I see such a multitude of emotions pass over his face it’s hard to pin down an exact one.
Jake opens his mouth to speak, when I hear Will’s voice come from behind him.
“Mind if I dance with my girl?”
I was so lost in Jake, I didn’t register Will’s approach.
I feel Jake’s body stiffen under my hands. He looks down at me, a myriad of emotions flicker through his eyes. Then he releases me and steps away.
“She’s all yours.”
There’s more meaning in those three words, than there has been in anything he’s said to me all night.
Panic rips through me. And all I can do is watch weakly, as Jake makes his way through the crowd, all eyes on him, as he heads straight to the bar.
Will pulls me into his arms.
I’m numb. Completely devoid.
“You looked amazing out here dancing with Stuart and Jake,” Will murmurs in my ear. “I was starting to get a little jealous.”
“It’s only Jake,” I downplay, even though inside I feel like I’m dying. “And you do realise Stuart’s gay, don’t you?”
“Ah right.” I see the realisation fire up in his eyes.
Will moves me around on the dance floor, and I catch sight of Jake. He’s doing tequila shots at the bar. He’s not looking anywhere in my direction. And he’s got company again.
Zzhuilette is back and hanging off him like a cheap suit.
Then I watch, with distasteful horror, as she dips her finger in Jake’s tequila glass, draws a wet line across her huge chest and pours the salt across it.
It’s like a car crash that I can’t take my eyes off, even though watching it is making me feel sick to the pit of my stomach.
And Jake, with Tom jeering him on, leans down and licks the salt off her chest, slowly. Then he grabs his shot and throws it back.
I feel a burning shot of jealously and rage so intense that I just want to go over there and kick her ass. And Jake’s too.
I turn away, burying my head into Will’s neck, forcing back tears.
He holds me tighter. “I’ve missed you so much, darling,” he murmurs, running his fingers through my long hair and down my back.
I lift my head looking at him. “Me too.”
And I realise in this moment, I have missed him. So much. My lovely sweet Will.
He would never hurt me. He would never lick salt off the chests of long-legged redheads.
I’m safe with Will. I’ll always be safe with Will.
I just have to let Jake go, and stay with him. It’s the right thing to do.
Life will always be simple, easy with Will.
I reach up on my tiptoes and kiss him firmly on the lips. He wraps his arms around me, holding me tight to his body.
He tastes of beer, and his kiss feels exactly the same as always.
He’s nothing like Jake. Which is good – I think.
Will is sweet and lovely, but… no, something’s missing. And it’s been missing since Jake came back into my life, I now realise.
I wind my fingers around his neck, up into his hair, kissing him harder, pushing myself into him, into this kiss, trying to ignite the fire I feel in my belly whenever Jake kisses me. Whenever Jake looks at me.
But it doesn’t come.
Was it always missing? Or is it because of Jake. Am I done for life now? Will I never again feel with anyone, how I feel when I’m with him. When he’s touching me, kissing me, making love to me.
Am I ruined to him?
I break off breathing heavy. Will’s eyes are hooded, alive with love for me.
But all I feel is lost and confused and lonely.
And in this exact moment, I realise that I don’t want simple. I want Jake in all his crazy complicatedness.
I do love Will, but I love Jake more.
It’s always been him my whole life. And I don’t want to lose him. He’s my best friend. My everything.
I have to talk to him. I need to tell him that I don’t care about the redhead. I don’t care about any of it. All the mistakes we’ve both made. We can start fresh from now.
I’ll tell Will everything, right now, if that’s what he wants. I’ll do whatever he wants me to do. Because I love him.
Totally and completely love him. I always have. And I can’t imagine another moment in my life with him not in it.
I glance to where Jake was at the bar, but he’s nowhere to be seen.
Where is he?
“I’m tired,” I say to Will. “You mind if we sit?”
I need to find Jake.
“No, come on.” Will puts his arm around my shoulder and steers me back to our table. “We can leave soon if you’d like?”
“Yes, that would be good.”
Where has Jake disappeared to?
Will smiles at me and plants a kiss on my hair.
I know I should feel terrible right now for Will, but I can’t seem to muster any guilt up at all.
All I want is to see Jake.
I sit down in the chair next to Stuart, the others now filled with Simone and Denny.
She looks so totally smitten with him. It warms my heart. I want to be sitting here like that with Jake. The world knowing we belong to one another.
“I’m just going to use the bathroom,” Will says. “Then we can head back if you like?”
“Sure,” I say distracted. I’m just relieved he’s going so I can find Jake.
When Will is gone, I take a surreptitious glance around the room, looking for Jake.
“He’s gone, honey,” Stuart leans across and whispers in my ear. “Dave’s taken him back to the hotel.”
I get this terrible, awful, sick feeling deep in my stomach.
“Did he … go alone?”
Stuart slowly shakes his head, no.
My heart starts to compress in on itself.
I swallow down, my throat tight. “The redhead?” I have to ask, even though I’m pretty sure of the answer.
“Yes.” He gives me a sad look, pats my leg with his hand, and picks up a shot off the table, handing it to me.
“Drink this, sweetheart. It won’t fix things, but after a few of these, things sure do start to seem a lot easier.”
Holding back tears that are burning my throat raw, I take the shot. I put it down in front of me, pick the salt shaker up, pour it on my hand, lick it off and then throw the tequila back without hesitation.
It washes the burning of my tears away, leaving me instead with the welcome burn of alcohol.
I don’t bother with the lemon or beer, inside I chase it down with my margarita, downing it in one.
“You okay, honey?” Simone asks me, giving me a sympathetic smile.
She must know Jake’s gone back to the hotel with Zzhuilette too.
I plaster a bright smile to my face and nod, “Sure I am.”
But I know she knows better. She knows me.
And the alcohol, well that’s just a soother for my heart, which is currently broken and laying shattered in pieces under the heel of a leggy redhead, who is more than likely, right now in bed with my best friend and only true love of my life.
And really, I only have myself to blame.
I hesitated. You can’t hesitate with a man like Jake.