Chapter 16
Lexi
I wake up after a full night of sleep, but I'm still exhausted. I’ve literally been working ten hour shifts every day, just to keep myself busy. The money isn’t bad either. I know I’m using work as means of distraction, but any way I can cope, I’m going to take it.
I force myself to get up, and fill up the bath tub. I think a good soak would do me justice. I check my phone, like clockwork, just in case. Just in case Ryder somehow wants to talk to me, contact me. I’m torn, I’m both mad at him and I miss him like crazy. I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I’m a coward.
I ran, again. When things get tough, I run.
I add some bubbles to my bath, and then slowly undress, only using gentle movements with my aching body. I haven’t even made any new friends in this town. I’m keeping to myself. It’s almost as if I’m punishing myself. But for what? For trusting again? For screwing things up with Ryder? I don’t even know anymore. All I know is that I don't want to go on like this.
I stare at my reflection in the mirror and sigh heavily. My amber eyes look tired, my honey colored hair not even brushed. I need to get my shit together. I have to get back to Perth, just as I promised Tee. Over the three months I travelled around, working random bar jobs to make extra cash.
After I'm done with my bath, I put some moisturizer on my face, and then apply some light makeup. My bags are all packed and ready to go. I'm not worried about seeing Ryder because I know for a fact he's touring right now. I've even seen him on TV, and he seems to be doing well. I'm proud of him. He's living his dream.
I finish my makeup, brush my hair, and sit down on my bed. When I saw Ryder on TV, he dedicated a song to me. ‘This song is for the queen of hearts,’ was what he said. The song was ‘Here Without You’ by Three Doors Down. When he sang the chorus, I burst into tears.
What exactly did it mean? Nothing really changed. Sax is still an issue, as is the fact that Ryder was kissing another woman so soon after I broke up with him. I have no idea if Ryder tried to contact me or not because I got a new number. Tee has that number, though, so he could have gotten it from her if he really wanted to.
I stand up, and do a quick check of the hotel room, making sure I haven’t forgotten anything. Then I pick up my bags, and head out.
Time to face the music.
*****
Ryder
I gulp down my bottle of water. We've just finished another opening act, and I’m still high on adrenaline. I can’t wait until Morning Alliance gets our own tour instead of just opening. Still, every show for Cold Nation, we get to do about four songs as an opening act, and I’m not complaining. We usually do two of our own songs, and two cover songs. We've gotten so much publicity its crazy. We've been asked to do interviews, to pose for a whole heap of photo shoots. We even have our own groupies. The whole thing is insane.
Things have been better with Sax and me, but still a bit tense. When I dedicated a song to Lexi, even though it was only by her nickname, he started pulling back again. Sax is our drummer, and if it wasn’t for that I think he would have dedicated a song to her too. He has an amazing voice, and I’m sure he's dying to sing ‘Breakeven’ to her. He thinks I let Lexi go for the band, but he doesn’t know the events that actually went down. He knew I was seeing Nikki for a little while, but that's finished now. I haven’t seen him hook up with any other women. While Kidd and Jet are out hooking up, Sax and I sit in the hotel room, pining over the same woman. It’s f*cking sad, really.
Lexi changed her phone number, and I haven’t even spoken to her since she saw me with Nikki. Nikki and I ended things; we both knew we were better off as friends. We didn’t even have sex, it didn’t feel right. She wasn’t who I wanted, and I wasn’t who she wanted. If Lexi finds out I even attempted a relationship with Nikki, that’s another strike against me. I've f*cked up so bad, it’s not even funny.
I can only hope that I get a chance to make things right.
*****