3
New Year, New Experiences
CLASSES FOR THE NEXT QUARTER BEGAN the following week, allowing me to continue into the new year consumed with books, lectures and studying. Everything seemed back to how it had always been. But it really wasn’t the same, and I knew it.
Meg and I drove to school together. Since we were both angling for acceptance into the School of Medicine, we shared several classes, but while she was gearing towards the hospitals, I was seeking refuge in the labs.
Peyton flitted through the house as usual, not knocking when she entered the bathroom or bedrooms. She wasn’t bothered by what she could be potentially walking in on – except with Serena, the only one of us with a boyfriend. Serena had little tolerance for Peyton’s invasion of privacy – not to mention that Peyton annoyed the hell out of her.
‘Okay, listen.’ Peyton approached me while I was in the kitchen making a sandwich before heading to the soccer field with Meg. ‘I know the party a few weeks ago was a bit of a disaster, but I think you should go out with me again. I promise to keep a better eye on you and help you gauge your level of drunkenness.’
I laughed at her absurd proposal. ‘Peyton, the drinking was a one-time thing. I’m all set, thanks.’
‘Em,’ she implored passionately, ‘you had one bad night. It doesn’t mean that you should give up your entire social life. We’re in college. This is the time when we discover who we are … and flirt with our tolerance for alcohol. I swear to you, there is a way to have a few drinks and not end up in some random guy’s bed.’
I whipped around and threw a piece of bread at her. ‘Shut the f*ck up, Peyton.’
She deflected the bread to the floor. ‘Sorry. Really, that was stupid. I’m sorry,’ she grovelled. ‘I shouldn’t have said that.’ Before she walked away, she begged, ‘Will you at least think about it?’
‘Fine,’ I responded impatiently, just wanting her to stop. ‘I’ll think about it.’
‘Great! There’s a party this Saturday,’ she chirped, and whipped around before I could object.
‘You’re going to that party at College Green?’ Meg questioned as she rounded the corner, a soccer ball tucked under her arm.
‘I’m not –’
‘You’re going too, right?’ Peyton interjected before I could finish.
‘I guess so.’ Meg shrugged, then looked to me. ‘Don’t worry. We’ll have fun.’
I blew out a defeated breath. ‘Okay,’ I caved.
Peyton produced a triumphant smile, and proceeded to bang on Serena’s door.
‘What?!’ Serena hollered from the other side.
‘Are you going to the party with us on Saturday? Emma’s coming too.’
Serena poked her head out and raised her eyebrows in my direction. ‘You are?’
‘I guess so.’
‘Okay. I’ll go,’ she replied and slammed her door in Peyton’s face.
‘Please tell me that’s not what you’re wearing.’ Peyton scowled at my worn jeans and faded concert T-shirt over a long-sleeved shirt.
‘You want me to go?’
She huffed before returning to the bathroom to finish her make-up while I went downstairs.
When I reached the bottom step, Serena walked through the front door with a paper bag in her arms, wearing form-fitting black pants, a black tank top under a cropped leather jacket, and black combat boots. Her short black pixie hair flipped out stylishly around her powder-white face. Dramatic liner framed her large brown eyes. Serena’s look was more than a style: it was a statement.
She returned from the kitchen with a beer in each hand and offered one to Meg, who was leaning over the coffee table, painting her nails.
‘I’m driving,’ Meg told her with a shake of her head. Serena eyed me and held out the bottle.
‘Umm, I can drive,’ I offered.
‘That’s okay,’ Meg said. ‘I don’t mind. Go ahead if you want to drink. You’re going with us, not just Peyton, so we’ll watch out for you.’
‘Hey!’ Peyton shouted down the stairs in offence.
I contemplated the bottle in Serena’s hand carefully. The first time I drank had nothing to do with the alcohol. And I never wanted to be that drunk again … ever.
‘Okay,’ I agreed, taking the bottle. Meg flipped her eyes to me in surprise. But she went back to painting, trying to appear unfazed by my decision.
Serena acted like we drank together all the time. But then again, Serena was pretty accepting of just about everyone and everything, taking all that came her way without blinking. I’d yet to witness anything that surprised her.
I took a sip and grimaced. Yeah, I didn’t like beer. ‘This tastes horrible.’
Serena grinned. ‘It’s an acquired taste.’
‘Why would anyone want to acquire a taste for something that tastes like ass?’ I scrunched my nose in disgust.
Serena laughed. ‘I’ll make you a drink,’ she said before disappearing into the kitchen.
‘I’ll drink your beer,’ Peyton declared, appearing at the bottom of the stairs. Her shiny golden hair hung down her back, not a single strand out of place. She was very mindful of her appearance, intently assembling herself from her shiny pink lips to her polished toes. She’d never let anyone other than us see her less than picture-perfect. Just thinking about what she had to go through to keep this up exhausted me.
‘You’ll drink anything,’ Meg teased, twisting the top on the polish. ‘I think you’ve probably tried just about everything there is.’
‘Funny,’ Peyton sneered, tipping the bottle back into her mouth.
‘Here, try this.’ Serena handed me a glass with red liquid in it. My stomach instinctively clenched. Noticing my cringe, she assured me, ‘It’s cranberry and vodka. I made it pretty weak too.’
I accepted the drink and took a sip. It tasted mostly of cranberry with a hint of something else. ‘Thanks.’
While Meg finished getting ready in the upstairs bathroom, we sat in the living room – drinking. Something I quite honestly never thought I’d ever do.
Was I supposed to keep holding the glass, or set it on the coffee table? I watched Serena and opted to hold it. I took a sip, not wanting to drink too fast. I knew I was being paranoid; I just needed to relax already.
‘So, where’s James tonight?’ I asked Serena, needing to distract myself from internally freaking out.
‘He’s working,’ Serena replied, finishing her beer and getting up. ‘Peyton, you ready for another?’
James was a bouncer at one of the clubs that showcased local rock talent. With his shaved head, his broad frame and the tattoo on the back of his skull, he fit the persona. On the other hand, he was a dedicated student at Stanford, pursuing an education degree. The thought of James reshaping the minds of adolescents always made me smile.
‘Sure,’ Peyton called.
I’d barely finished half the glass, and they were already on their second. Maybe I was drinking too slow. Or maybe I just needed to get a grip and stop obsessing.
‘There’s a great show coming up in a few weeks,’ Serena informed me. She handed Peyton another beer.
Serena was my direct line to the best shows in the area. I was thankful to have a room-mate who understood my need for fast beats and heavy guitar. Meg and Peyton didn’t appreciate the genre, preferring head-bopping or hip-swaying music, although I’d recently taken Meg to a few shows, with encouraging results.
‘Let me know when, and I’ll check if I have tests or anything due.’ I took another sip.
‘Em, you spent all break reading the upcoming assignments for the next month,’ she accused. ‘You’ll be fine regardless. It won’t be a late night.’
‘Ready to go?’ Meg announced, bounding down the stairs with her spiralling auburn curls bouncing around her. We finished off our drinks and followed her out the door.
It was obvious when we’d arrived at the party, because there was nowhere to park. After circling the block a few times, we were finally able to creep into a spot as another car pulled away. We followed a small group of people through a gated archway into a courtyard.
Meg nudged me playfully. ‘There’s a pool.’
‘You wouldn’t,’ Peyton threatened.
‘Relax, Peyton,’ Meg snapped. ‘We wouldn’t do that here.’
I smirked.
Two floors of apartments wrapped around an inner courtyard. People were mingling on the balconies and throughout the central area. A half dozen apartment doors were open to grant access and a sound system was set up in the open space, blaring the most recent hip hop music.
‘We need drinks!’ Peyton announced, raising her hands in the air and moving her hips to the beat.
We followed her form-fitting green sweater through the crowd. She turned heads as she wiggled by, but she was too focused on her mission to take notice.
We continued up the stairs and into the closest open door.
‘Wait here,’ she instructed. ‘I’ll get us something.’
I didn’t think we could squeeze in any further if we tried; the room was packed. Peyton reappeared, her fingers dipped into small plastic cups of Jell-O. She handed one to each of us. I looked down at the cup, trying to figure out how to eat it without a spoon. Squeezing the edges, I tried to slurp it.
‘Don’t chew. Just swallow.’ Meg laughed as I licked at pieces of Jell-O still clinging to my lips.
‘Always excellent advice,’ Peyton giggled.
Meg grimaced. ‘Eew. We’re only talking about Jell-O, Peyton!’
It took me a moment to figure out what the hell they were talking about, and I scowled in revulsion when I figured it out. Peyton took note of my delayed reaction. ‘Oh, Emma. Are you sure you had sex with that guy from the band? ’Cause I swear you’re a virgin.’
‘Let me get another round so you can try again,’ Meg offered, dragging Peyton with her.
When they returned, I took two little cups and awaited instructions.
‘Swipe your finger around the edge to loosen it and then pop it in your mouth.’ Peyton demonstrated with ease. I made another attempt and got most of it in my mouth. My Jell-O shot ineptitude made Meg laugh. But I did better with the next one.
‘Now you let it settle and wait for the Tickle before you drink anything else,’ Serena explained.
‘A tickle?’ Peyton questioned Serena with her brows raised. ‘Serena, you are so weird.’
‘Whatever,’ Serena said, turning away.
‘Tom!’ Peyton suddenly hollered across the courtyard to the opposite balcony. To my surprise, he heard her and waved. She grabbed my wrist, causing me to stumble after her, though she didn’t seem to notice, or care, as she forced our way through the crowd.
‘We’ll wait right here,’ Meg called out behind us.
‘I was hoping you were going to be here,’ Peyton exclaimed when she reached Tom, giving him a hug.
‘You’d know if you’d actually call each other,’ I mumbled under my breath. Tom and Peyton had a strange relationship. I kept hearing about him and how they’d meet up at parties. She was obviously interested in him. But we didn’t think they’d even exchanged phone numbers yet. We were all confused by it.
‘Hey.’
I looked up to find Cole standing in front of me. Gritting my teeth, I forced a smile, suddenly realizing why Peyton had been so adamant about bringing me along.
‘Wow, two parties. I’m impressed,’ Cole taunted.
‘Parties aren’t my thing,’ I countered in annoyance.
‘Obviously,’ he stated. ‘Otherwise I would have seen you before.’
‘True,’ I admitted with a slight nod. ‘Well, it’s a new year, so I’m trying new things.’
‘What’s next on your list?’ Cole enquired, his clear blue eyes focused on me. I avoided his gaze and studied the crowd around us.
‘Umm … stage diving,’ I answered without thinking. I really didn’t have a ‘new things’ list. I was making it up as I went. But now that I’d said it, I actually wanted to try it.
‘Nice. You’ll have to let me know when so I can witness that.’
‘We’ll see,’ I answered, not wanting to commit to seeing him again, no matter what he looked like. When he turned his head in the other direction, I slipped away. I heard Peyton call my name, but I ignored her.
When I squeezed my way to where we’d left Serena and Meg, they were nowhere to be found. I scanned the crowd and spotted them by the pool, then ducked into an apartment and grabbed something grape-flavoured and bubbly. I could barely feel the Tickle, so I figured I was still safe.
Meg saw me at the top of the stairs and waved. I nodded and followed the line down the steps. When I reached the bottom, an arm swept around my waist and pulled me to the side.
‘Hey, gorgeous,’ Gev murmured in my ear, kissing my neck. ‘I was hoping I’d see you again.’
‘Uh, hi,’ I stuttered, my entire body stiffening at his touch. I looked around in a panic, but I couldn’t locate Meg or Serena. Then Meg’s spirals came into view, and I connected with her. Her eyes flipped from me to Gev, and she pushed through faster, not caring that she was pissing people off.
‘So, how are you?’ I asked, my voice cracking slightly.
‘Sober,’ he complained. ‘I’m going up to get a drink. Wanna come?’
‘Emma!’ Meg exclaimed, her bright smile not entirely masking the concern flashing in her eyes. ‘There you are. We thought we lost you.’ She noticed Gev’s arm around my waist and the tightness in my shoulders as he squeezed me against him. ‘Hi. I’m Meg, and this is Serena.’ Serena just nodded and didn’t even bother faking a smile.
‘Gev,’ he responded. ‘Guess I’ll find you later,’ he said, kissing my cheek before disappearing up the stairs. I tried to smile while swallowing the sour taste of disgust that rose in the back of my throat.
‘Are you okay?’ Meg asked, taking me by the hand and leading me away.
‘Yeah, I’m fine,’ I responded meekly, taking large gulps of the purple stuff from the cup in my other hand.
‘He’s awesome-looking,’ Serena noted from beside me. ‘Too bad he’s a complete dick.’
I laughed, almost spitting out my drink.
Meg smiled. ‘We won’t let him near you,’ she promised, stopping near the pool.
‘Hey!’ Peyton exclaimed dramatically when she found us a few minutes later. ‘Em, why’d you take off like that again? Seriously, I think you should give Cole a chance.’
‘He’s not my type.’
‘Wait, are you talking about the guy you’ve been trying to set her up with for like forever?’ Meg clarified.
‘Uh, I just met him at the New Year’s party,’ I countered.
‘But I’ve been wanting you to meet him for way longer.’ Peyton sighed. ‘I need an in with Tom, and they’re never apart, so I figured you’d be a good fit for Cole.’
‘You obviously don’t know me very well.’
‘Come on,’ Peyton said, sulking. ‘Cole is everyone’s type.’ She eyed Serena in contemplation and corrected with, ‘Well … except for Serena. He’s lacking the freak factor.’
‘F*ck you, Peyton,’ Serena bit back.
Meg laughed at their banter. They were always throwing snide comments back and forth. I sometimes wondered if they liked each other at all.
‘Seriously, Em,’ Peyton continued. ‘He’s gorgeous. He’s intelligent. He’s a surfer.’
‘I don’t go for the surfer type. Just drop it – okay?’ I felt a sudden twist in my chest and swallowed the last of the alcoholic grape soda to be rid of it. ‘Um, I could use another drink. Anyone else?’
‘I’ll go with you,’ Serena offered, leading me towards another apartment. ‘She’s just being selfish as usual,’ she consoled. ‘Don’t let her force you.’
‘I’m fine,’ I said quietly.
I waited for Serena on the balcony while she got our drinks. I kept scanning the crowd around me, fearful of running into Gev again. She returned a few minutes later and handed me a red plastic cup.
‘Jack and Coke,’ Serena explained.
I took a sip, and my stomach lit up. ‘Whoa.’ I shivered. ‘That’s strong.’
‘Sorry.’ Serena grimaced. ‘I didn’t make it. Do you hate it?’
‘It’s not my favourite,’ I admitted as my mouth filled with saliva, ‘but I’ll drink it.’
We noticed Peyton and Meg dancing in a crowd by the pool.
‘Great,’ Serena grumbled and directed me to stand on the outskirts where it was less crowded. I leaned against the rough exterior of the building, under the overhang of the balcony, slowly sipping the Jack with a touch of Coke. The Tickle was turning into a slightly dizzying haze.
‘Someday we’ll go to a party where there’ll be music we can dance to,’ Serena promised. ‘This music is shit.’ I laughed.
Two guys came up behind Meg and Peyton, pressing up against them and putting their hands on the girls’ hips. Peyton turned around with a flirtatious smile and swung her arms around the guy’s neck. Meg scooted away from the other guy, and he eventually got the message and disappeared into the crowd. I grinned in amusement.
‘I’m getting another drink,’ Serena announced. ‘Will you be okay here, or do you want to come with me?’
The party was now at capacity, and I didn’t want to fight through the crowd. ‘I’ll wait.’
‘Don’t go anywhere,’ Serena stressed. I nodded and took another sip. She glanced back a few times on her way up the stairs, making me roll my eyes.
‘I found you,’ Gev announced, appearing in front of me out of nowhere. He leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. I froze, not returning the kiss. He pulled back, confused. ‘Are you mad at me?’
‘Uh, no,’ I responded, not expecting the question.
‘Is it because I passed out on you last time?’ he continued. ‘You know, before we could have sex. I promise not to drink that much tonight.’
My breath stilled, and I stared at him. We didn’t have sex. Oh. Dear. God. We didn’t have sex!
‘No, that’s not it,’ I said, feeling my shoulders ease up. ‘I just think you got the wrong impression.’
‘Ah.’ Gev nodded in understanding. ‘You’re not that into me.’
‘I’m not into anyone,’ I stressed, not wanting it to sound so harsh. ‘Don’t take it personally.’
‘Not a problem.’ He shrugged. He really didn’t take it personally – he honestly didn’t seem to care at all. ‘Well, have fun, and if you ever need to relieve some of that tension, find me.’
‘Uh, will do,’ I responded flatly, watching him walk away.
‘Oh shit, Em,’ Serena groaned. ‘I’m sorry! I totally forgot about F*ckhead. What happened?’
‘We didn’t have sex,’ I told her.
‘Well … obviously,’ she replied. ‘I mean you’re in the middle of a party.’ Then she examined me. ‘Oh! You meant … before?’
I nodded. I’d held on to the guilt so tightly, I was having difficulty letting it go. But I couldn’t deny I felt a hell of a lot lighter learning it had never happened. Or maybe the Jack was starting to kick in. I spotted Meg still dancing along the pool’s edge and smirked.
‘Watch this,’ I said to Serena, dropping the empty cup on the concrete and shimmying my way towards Meg. Her back was towards me as I glided up behind her. Just as I was within reach, she turned towards me and smiled. Then she saw the devilish gleam in my eyes and her mouth opened in surprise as I pushed her over the edge of the pool. Just as I let out a triumphant laugh, she grabbed my wrist and we both crashed through the water’s surface.
‘This makes us even,’ Meg sputtered, blowing water from her lips and grabbing the pool’s edge.
‘For now,’ I jeered.
Everyone was looking at us, some in amusement, others in annoyance. When we dragged our wet bodies from the pool, we discovered Peyton glaring at us with her arms crossed. ‘Let’s go,’ she snapped. ‘They’re kicking us out.’
‘Why?’ Meg laughed in confusion. ‘Because we were in the pool?’
Peyton released an exasperated sigh and stormed off towards the gate.
‘I guess the building manager doesn’t care about the parties,’ Serena explained with a smile, ‘but he doesn’t want to put any extra effort into cleaning the pool, so no one’s allowed in during the parties.’
The crowd parted to let us pass, staring and snickering. When we made it to the sidewalk, we heard the announcement, ‘No one is allowed in the pool! If anyone else goes in, the party’s over.’
Meg and I started laughing.
‘Well, you definitely made an impression,’ Serena said, laughing alongside us.
‘I can’t believe you did that,’ Peyton scolded. ‘You promised!’
‘Meg promised,’ I countered. ‘Don’t worry, we won’t get your car wet. Do you still have the trash bags in your trunk?’
‘Of course,’ Peyton said, annoyed. ‘I still can’t believe you got us kicked out.’
As we were peeling off our wet jeans and socks to place them in the trash bag, Serena announced, ‘So, good news! Emma never slept with the sleazebag!’
‘What?!’ Meg and Peyton shot out in unison.
‘He passed out before it happened,’ I explained, averting my eyes.
‘I don’t understand,’ Peyton said, shaking her head. ‘How did you not know?’
I looked at her without understanding what she was asking.
‘I mean, couldn’t you feel that you didn’t?’ She sighed. ‘Wow, Em. You’re seriously clueless.’
‘Peyton!’ Meg reprimanded as we entered the car.
‘I’ve only had sex once,’ I defended. ‘I had no idea I was supposed to be sore every time.’
This made them all laugh. ‘Not … sore,’ Serena tried to explain. ‘But you definitely can tell when someone has trespassed.’
‘Serena!’ Meg said, her mouth dropped open. ‘That sounds so … awful.’
‘I get it,’ I stated quietly, not wanting to reflect upon my first time any more than I wanted to think about what I’d almost done with Gev.
‘Oh, by the way, Em – I gave Cole your number,’ Peyton announced. Everyone in the car was suddenly quiet.
‘What the f*ck, Peyton!’