8
Capturing the Silence
I MOANED AS THE SOUND OF METAL CLANGing reverberated through my head. ‘Sorry,’ I heard a male voice say.
F*ck!
I squeezed my eyes shut and ran my hands along my hips – exhaling with relief when I felt fabric. Peeking out from under my lashes, my face pressed against a pillow, I noted a blue fuzzy blanket laid over me. Beyond the foot of the couch was an open kitchen, and him, with his back to me. The taste of tequila still lingered in my mouth – probably seeping through my pores as well.
I pushed myself up to sit, expecting pain, but it didn’t come. Instead a swirl rocked me. I blinked, trying to focus. The stark white room forced me to squint against the intense brightness.
‘Hey,’ Cole greeted me, busy with something in the kitchen. ‘Hungover?’
‘No,’ I rasped, running my fingers through my hair, feeling one side all pushed up. I attempted to smooth it down and tuck it behind my ear. ‘I think I’m still drunk.’
Cole chuckled. ‘I wouldn’t doubt it. I’m making pancakes, if you want some.’
I looked around the small open space, with its wall of shelves filled with books, pictures, boxes and ocean paraphernalia. There was an oversized beige chair, complementing the couch I had awoken on. Behind the couch was a square wooden table with a couple of chairs. The kitchen was separated by a peninsula that had three wooden stools pushed against it.
I stood up and shuffled over to the sliding glass doors to admire the ocean view, then opened the door and walked out onto the wooden deck. The clouds hung low over the water, casting gloom over the barely visible islands that lay in the distance. Wrapping my arms across my chest, I braced myself against the chill of the breeze. I closed my eyes and breathed in the damp air, settling the dizziness.
Cole stepped out and stood beside me, placing his hands on the railing, watching the seagulls flying across the water before landing on the beach, scouring for food.
‘Crappy day,’ he observed, glancing at me. I turned towards him, blinking lazily through the clouds in my head.
‘Feels like me,’ I groaned, earning a grin. He went back inside while I continued to stare out at the dark water. There was something inviting about the rhythmic surf intermingling with the grey sky. I wanted to float along its surface, breathe in the mist.
When I looked back into the house and saw that Cole was preoccupied with cooking, I crept down the steps, easing over the rocks that were smooth and cool under my bare feet, until I reached the coarse sandy beach. The bordering houses were dark and seemingly unoccupied.
I stared out at the water, and my heart convulsed. I took one more glance at the house without seeing a sign of Cole. Releasing a settling breath, I slipped out of my capris and peeled off my top, dropping them on the sand along with my bra and underwear. Before I could change my mind, I waded into the frigid water until it pushed up against my thighs and dived beneath an oncoming wave.
I broke the surface, gasping at the freezing cold water. A wave crested above my head, and I ducked under it, re-emerging on the other side. All around me the fog was thick, blending the surrounding houses into the shadows. I lay back on the rolling surface and kicked my feet, pushing further away from shore. My thoughts were quiet as the water lapped around my ears, dissolving the world around me. The buzz in my head was replaced with a calming hush. Nothing mattered.
Some rational part of me knew I needed to get back before the water sucked me under – but I stayed on the surface a little longer, not wanting to give up the stillness. I tried to imagine what it would be like to let it swallow me up, and surrender to the silence forever.
With a quivering inhale, I slipped under the water. A wave captured me and pushed me to shore. I broke through the surface and inhaled the cool air, filling my lungs. I continued to glide towards shore with the waves, until my knees scraped along the sand.
‘Are you insane?’ Peyton scolded, standing on the beach, holding a towel in her hands. ‘Your lips are purple, and you’re naked. What the hell are you thinking?’
I glanced around before I stood up, making sure it was just the two of us.
‘Right now?’ I paused. ‘Nothing.’ Then I smirked, which irritated her more. I took the oversized beach towel from her and wrapped it around my shivering body. Even with the towel, my muscles were rigid, aching with cold. Peyton picked up my clothes when we approached them.
‘I brought your bag, so you can put something dry and warm on,’ she explained.
‘You brought my bag?’ I looked over at her, and she averted her eyes.
‘I was hoping you could stay here and let Tom and I have some time alone for a day or two,’ she replied sheepishly. I raised my eyebrows. ‘Cole doesn’t mind, despite how strange you’re being.’
‘He thinks I’m being strange?’ I enquired curiously.
‘No, but I do. He just said that you were trying “something new” and handed me a towel.’
I laughed.
Before we entered the house, Peyton stopped me to make certain I had covered everything I needed to cover, since Tom was sitting on the couch. I rolled my eyes, and brushed past her into the house.
‘Your bag is in the bedroom on the right,’ Peyton informed me.
Tom asked, ‘How’s the water?’ as I passed behind the couch.
‘Shut up, Tom,’ Peyton snapped. Cole was leaning against the counter, watching me. I glanced at him, and my mouth shaped into a subtle grin as I entered the bedroom and shut the door.
I stayed under the shower’s hot stream until I finally defrosted. My grogginess had dissolved in the waves. I took a deep breath, satisfied with the invigorating clarity the experience had unleashed. When I walked into the kitchen, dressed and with dry hair, I could feel my skin glowing.
‘Hungry?’ Cole asked as I seated myself at the island.
‘Starving.’ He set a huge plate of pancakes in front of me.
I looked around the small space and realized we were alone. ‘Where’s Peyton and Tom?’
‘They went back to her place,’ he answered, washing a bowl in the sink. ‘Was it everything you expected?’ Cole glanced back with a gleam in his eye.
I swallowed a mouthful of pancakes. ‘What’s that?’
‘Skinny-dipping.’
I shifted uncomfortably on the stool. ‘It was better,’ I replied softly. I heard him release a breathy laugh without turning around.
Cole selected some music and disappeared into his room to shower.
The fog had thickened outside. I was suddenly very aware that I was going to be spending the entire day with Cole in this house … alone. I looked around and realized there wasn’t a television, so I considered shutting myself in the spare bedroom to read all day. That’s when I noticed the boxes of puzzles stacked on one of the shelves. I’d never done a puzzle before, and I was intrigued by the thought. It seemed like a thousand pieces would be distracting enough. I wouldn’t have to think about anything other than finding the right ones to fit together.
I chose a box with a scenic mountainscape and sat down, pulling the coffee table until it was flush against the couch and spreading the pieces out before me.
Cole emerged from his room smelling like a cool breeze, his wet blond hair swept back, like he’d just run his fingers through it to style it. I shifted my eyes down when he caught me looking at him and continued flipping the pieces picture-side up.
‘I haven’t done a puzzle in years,’ Cole said, standing beside me and picking up the box cover.
‘I’ve never done one,’ I admitted without looking at him.
‘Really?’ He sounded surprised. ‘Want help? Or do you feel like putting together a thousand pieces all by yourself?’
‘You can help if you want.’
Cole settled in on the cushion next to me with his legs crossed. He began separating the edge pieces from the middle pieces. When he leaned forward, his knee brushed my thigh, sending a shiver along my skin. Suddenly I wasn’t sure if this was such a good idea.
‘You okay?’ Cole asked, noticing my stiffened posture.
‘Uh, yeah.’ I choked, coughing to clear my throat.
‘Want something to drink?’ He stood on the cushion and jumped over the back of the couch, so he wouldn’t disturb the coffee table.
‘Sure,’ I replied, taking the opportunity to shift further away from his side. ‘Whatever you have is fine.’
‘Coke?’ he offered. I nodded without looking, concentrating on sorting through the pieces.
With the fog veiling the ocean, we spent the afternoon shrouded in silence except for the music filling the room. We slid pieces around the table, working in unison without an utterance of communication. I was very aware of his every move. Heat floated off him when he reached across the space between us, his long, slender fingers connecting pieces, pausing to press the edge of one against his full lips as his eyes narrowed in contemplation, searching for its placement. The skin along my arm hummed when he’d brush against it, reaching around and over my hands as we shuffled through the pieces.
‘Hungry?’ His voice broke the stillness, making me jump.
‘Uh, yeah, I could eat.’ I raised my arms over my head. My back was stiff from being hunched over for hours.
Cole eased the table away and stood, stretching as well. His shirt crept up to reveal a hint of the defined muscle beneath. I caught myself and turned my head. I had done so well avoiding him, convincing myself I wasn’t interested in him, that I couldn’t be interested in him. But here I was, trapped in this house with him, and I was about ready to pass out from trying to control my involuntary responses. I needed to call Peyton and get the hell out of here.
‘Okay?’ Cole asked, pulling me from my escape plan.
‘Huh?’ I shot my head up, not certain what he’d said.
‘I asked if Mexican was okay?’ He paused to study me. ‘Are you sure you’re all right? Are you hungover or something?’
‘No, I guess I’m just a little dazed from staring at the puzzle all afternoon. Sorry. Mexican’s great.’
I went into the spare-bedroom bathroom to splash cold water over my face and give myself a moment to pull it together. Then I found my phone and sent Peyton a text. Can’t stay here. Come get me.
She responded shortly after. Why? Are you fighting?
No
Come on, Emma. One night. PLEASE!!!! I glared at her response and clenched my teeth in frustration.
One night. That’s IT. Come get me in morning.
Thanks!! appeared on my screen. I sat down on the bed, running my fingers through my hair. Maybe I should go to bed early. Like right after we returned from dinner. Which brought on a new onslaught of dread. What the hell was I going to talk to him about during dinner?
‘Ready?’ Cole called from the living room.
I blew out a deep breath. ‘Yup.’
‘So … you have four sisters, right?’ I asked after we’d placed our orders, hoping this would let him know that I was open to conversation. There was no way I could sit across from him in silence while we ate.
‘Yeah,’ he confirmed. He was quiet a minute, and then realized I was waiting for him to continue. He appeared … relieved. ‘Missy is the oldest. She’s twenty-seven. Then Kara is twenty-five. Liv is twenty, and Zoe is sixteen. Yup, five girls, plus my dad and me – it was very … dramatic.
‘But everyone’s all over the place now. Zoe’s with my mom in Seattle. Liv goes to Florida State. Kara’s in Oakland. Missy’s in DC, and my dad’s in San Diego.’
‘All over the place,’ I confirmed. He nodded. I prepared myself for questions about my family.
‘Who’s your closest friend?’
Not what I was expecting.
‘Sara,’ I answered easily. ‘She’s in Paris right now as part of an exchange programme with Parsons in New York. But she’s like an extension of me, more important than a vital organ.’
‘Wow. That’s close,’ he noted with a rise of his eyebrows. ‘Does she ever make it out to California?’
‘Every break, except now that she’s so far away. But she’ll be here in May for the summer.’
He continued to describe his family, painting their charms and quirks so vividly that I could almost picture his sisters in my head. And I talked about Sara in so much detail that I could almost hear her voice. I missed her.
‘So Liv decided one day that she would be a vegetarian,’ Cole shared on the drive home, ‘except when we went to her favourite restaurants. And since my dad doesn’t cook, we ate out all the time, so every restaurant became her favourite, and essentially she isn’t a vegetarian. But if you ever meet her, she’ll say she’s a vegetarian, and she’ll give me crap for being insensitive if I don’t mention it.’
I laughed, thinking I would like this girl if I ever did meet her. We’d spent two hours at the restaurant, talking. I eyed the door of the house warily, my nerves twisting – because I actually liked talking to Cole. And worse than that, I liked him. And that couldn’t happen.
I wondered why he never asked me about my family. Or about my behaviour at the party the night before. But I felt like I owed him some sort of an explanation, especially since he had escorted my drunk ass home.
‘I’m sorry about last night,’ I blurted out as he set his keys on the kitchen table. ‘I was –’
‘Coping,’ he finished for me. I laughed softly at his choice of verb. ‘You don’t have to explain. I kind of figured it out.’
‘Oh, so you were listening,’ I teased, recalling his self-proclaimed talent.
‘I was,’ he confirmed without embarrassment. ‘And yeah. I got it. No worries.’
‘I should probably fine-tune my coping skills and not resort to shots.’
‘That’d probably be in your best interest.’ He chuckled.
‘Well … thanks again for putting up with me,’ I replied seriously, meeting his translucent blue eyes.
‘You weren’t that bad,’ he responded, not looking away. Lingering a little too long.
‘Um,’ I said suddenly, breaking the connection and forcing a stretch. ‘Dreary days make me tired. I think I’ll go to bed early and read until I fall asleep.’
‘Okay,’ Cole said with a slight shrug.
As I was opening the bedroom door, I heard, ‘Emma?’
I turned towards him hesitantly.
‘I’ve decided that you’re okay.’
My mouth quirked at his teasing tone. ‘So you don’t think I’m a bitch?’
He smiled wider, his eyes lighting up. ‘I didn’t say that.’
‘Nice,’ I jeered.
‘Goodnight, Emma.’
I bit my lip with a small smile. ‘Goodnight, Cole.’