My Skylar

Chapter 13
SKYLAR
In some ways, recovering from cancer is like coming home from war. You’re never fully able to leave it behind because the threat of getting called back always seems to loom. Regardless, you have to move on with your life.
It also changed me. Material things were now insignificant; just being alive was good enough. At the same time, I was learning to live again, to develop a routine that didn’t involve treatments or the resulting side effects. You get your life back, but you don’t really know what to do with it. In a bizarre way, the cancer had become my normal, and freedom was now foreign to me.
Since my father had arranged for tutoring on the days I felt up to it, I hadn’t really fallen too far behind while in Brooklyn. When I returned home, I was able to continue in the middle of my junior year at St. Clare’s.
Mitch was a senior now. Despite his support over the course of my illness, any development of a physical relationship had been on hold. We were almost never alone during that time. Either that, or I was too sick to even look at him.
Now, it felt like a giant pause button had been lifted on us. At 19, Mitch was so physically attractive that it was almost painful to be around him without touching. His body was ripped, and his hair had grown back longer, wavy and beautiful again. He still often piled it under that familiar Yankees cap but now sported a constant five o’clock shadow to complete the look. His skin had also tanned from working a new side job cutting lawns.
As for me, my hair was now shoulder-length, and I had gained most of the weight back. Still, even with our newfound freedom, we were taking things slow. Mitch hadn’t made any moves even though I knew he wanted to, and that frustrated me. He was handling me with care because of my recovery, but that wasn’t what I wanted. It was what he thought I needed. But what I needed was him—in the worst way. His eyes always brimmed with desire when he looked at me, and I could feel his resistance running thinner each day. It was just a matter of time.
***
“When exactly are you planning on telling her?”
My mother and I were supposed to be at Mitch’s for dinner at six, but I had arrived early. While in the midst of a private conversation, Mitch and Janis hadn’t realized the living room window was open. I leaned in closer to hear.
“I don’t know.”
“Mitch…this is big. You shouldn’t keep this from her.”
“I don’t want to discuss it right now, Mom. You know how I feel. Stop pressuring me.”
The dialog stopped, and I assumed Mitch had gone upstairs.
My chest tightened in anxiety as I rang the doorbell.
Janis opened the door. “Oh…hi, honey. You’re early.”
“My mother wanted me to put this chicken pot pie in your oven, so it would be nice and hot when we sat down.”
“Sure, come in.” I smelled a hint of gasoline and knew it was from Mitch who had just returned home from cutting someone’s grass. She took the pie from me. “Mitch is upstairs.”
I ran up and heard the shower running in the bathroom off the hallway, so I waited in his room.
Pandora radio was streaming from his phone, and Seamus was bopping his head to Rapper’s Delight by the Sugar Hill Gang. That was his new thing. He was really into music—that and whistling at me lately.
When the door opened, Mitch was wrapped in nothing but a small, white towel. “Whoa. I didn’t know you were here. I almost walked in stark naked.”
My mouth watered as I marveled at how my childhood friend had transformed into an Adonis. The towel hugged his round ass perfectly. Droplets of water ran down his cut, tan chest. His wet hair was slick back and sexy.
He raised his brow at me, his voice low and intentionally seductive. “Like what you see?”
I cleared my throat. “Actually, I do.”
Lay off the truth serum, Skylar.
He smiled mischievously and licked his lips. “Good to know.” He grabbed a shirt from the closet and threw it on the chair. “You’re about to see a whole lot more if you don’t turn around.”
My gaze lingered before I reluctantly turned toward the window. I started to obsess over the conversation on the way in until his voice snapped me out of it. “Safe.”
He was still shirtless when I turned back around. This was not safe at all. His white underwear peeked through the top of his pants, and when I looked down, I noticed a thin trail of hair leading down to the arousal straining against his jeans.
He walked toward me, pulled me up into a standing position and leaned into me, his hot erection pressing into my stomach.
Our lips were almost touching. I was throbbing between my legs when he gripped some of the material of my skirt, and his hot breath tickled my mouth. “I like the way you were looking at me. Actually, it’s made me a little crazy. It’s like you were eye-f*cking me. It makes me want to just—”
The door burst open, and we both jumped.
“Well, well, well, what do we have here?” Davey stood in the doorway, eating out of a bag of Cheetos. “Were you two just about to get it on with that pervy bird bouncing his head, looking on?”
Seamus was still rocking out, this time to Low Rider by War.
I was panting, still shocked and turned on by Mitch’s sudden aggression and dirty talk.
Mitch looked frustrated and threw a red t-shirt over his head. He said through gritted teeth, “What brings you by Davey?”
Davey made himself comfortable on the bed, wiping his cheese-powdered fingers on his baggy, black pants. “I had an interesting conversation with principal Shipton this afternoon. He asked me if I had heard the amazing news about my friend. Congratulations are in order, man. How could you not have told me?”
Mitch shook his head, silently urging Davey to stop talking.
I turned to Mitch. “What’s going on?”
He was giving Davey the evil eye. “Nothing.”
“Dude, don’t be shy. You should be damn proud.”
Mitch stayed silent, so I turned to Davey. “Proud of what?”
“Mitch here…got himself a full ride to Boston University.”
My heart beat faster with every passing second as the information set in. “What?”
Davey’s eyes widened. “A full four-year scholarship! Some old, rich Crestview alum set it up, and they grant it to the graduate with the highest GPA every year. This year, it was Mitchy!”
My jaw dropped, and I looked over at Mitch. “How long have you known about this?”
His ears were turning red. “Not long.”
I feigned happiness even though I was freaking out inside. “This is amazing. I had no idea. I mean, I knew your grades were good but the highest GPA?”
He had a vacant look in his eyes. “I had no clue either to be honest.”
I started to feel lightheaded but continued to put on a brave face. “Boston. Wow. I can’t believe this. You accepted, right?”
He bit his lip and didn’t say anything.
“Mitch?”
Mitch shut off the music that had been playing, and Seamus squawked in protest. “Dave, can you leave Skylar and me alone for a minute?”
Davey huffed, crumpled his Cheetos bag and went down stairs.
When the door shut, the mood suddenly became extremely tense. You could have heard a pin drop. The tormented look in his piercing eyes nearly undid me. “I’m not going to accept it.”
“What? Are you crazy?”
“I can’t.”
“This is what you and your mother were arguing about when I was at the door.”
“Boston is five hours away. I’d be gone for four years. Do you understand that? Four years. I just f*cking got you back. I’m not leaving you.”
It felt like all of the air left my body. The fact that he was prepared to throw away this opportunity to be near me was overwhelming.
“You’re considering giving up your future…because of me?”
He put his hands on my shoulders. “You are my future. It’s not like there aren’t any colleges here.”
“None that will give you a full ride, none that are Boston University! Holy crap, Mitch…you have to take it. Imagine a life with no college debt looming over you, and BU is an awesome school.”
He looked down at his bare feet. “You don’t understand. This is not up for debate. I’ve already made up my mind.”
“Were you even going to tell me?”
“I don’t know. I knew you’d try to convince me to accept it.”
“Convince you? Mitch…you ARE accepting it. You’re standing here telling me you’re turning down the opportunity of a lifetime for me. I would have to live with that for the rest of my life. You’ve already given up so much over the past two years for me. You will take this…because there will be no you and me if you don’t. I am not gonna stand by and watch you ruin your life and use me as the excuse.”
His face turned crimson in anger. “Skylar, do you understand what you’re asking me to do? I’d be gone. We would only see each other once in a while. We were supposed to finally get to be together now. I want that so badly.”
“We’d see each other on breaks and some weekends.”
“But it won’t be the same.”
No, it wouldn’t.
“We can make it work. We’re stronger than distance.”
He began playing with the button on my dress, lost in thought. “I don’t feel good about this. Something at the pit of my stomach is telling me going to Boston would be the wrong decision. I f*cking miss you already, and you’re standing right in front of me.”
Hearing him say that had caused me to break down. I had no words, so I reached over to hug him. His beating heart pounded against my own, which felt like it had been turned inside out.
A million thoughts raced through my mind. The thought of him living in a dorm with a bunch of horny girls made me shudder. Maybe I would tell him to stay. No. This was his future. He would never get an opportunity like this again.
He spoke into my neck. “I know accepting this scholarship is the right thing to do on paper, but the only thing that feels right is staying with you.”
I know. But I still couldn’t let him do it.
“I won’t let you turn it down. I won’t live with that guilt.”
“You’re saying you won’t be here for me if I stay? Don’t you love me?”
“I’m doing this because I love you.”
That night, after further ambush by our mothers at dinner, Mitch reluctantly agreed to accept the scholarship.
***
The summer before Mitch was set to move to Boston went by way too fast. Despite a bad feeling gnawing at me, I never let him see that I was having doubts about pushing him away. If he knew how sad it was really making me, he’d never leave. Mitch worked hard. He deserved that scholarship. I wasn’t going to f*ck it up.
That meant controlling myself around him, not allowing things to go any further than kissing. Boy, did we kiss a lot that summer, to the point where I could feel his lips on me at any given moment even when he was nowhere in sight.
He’d grab me the second I’d walk into his room, and we’d just get lost in each other’s mouths for minutes on end. He’d be hard as a rock, and I would be wet, but despite our animalistic attraction, we never took it any further. We seriously should have won an award for our resilience. I think deep down, he knew it would complicate things. The kissing was intense, though.
There was only one time that we almost slipped. Mitch had run his palm over my breast, squeezing it hard while he kissed me. I almost came from that sensation alone, but he stopped it before things went too far. He knew just as well as I did that if we ended up having sex, we wouldn’t have been able to let each other go. Maybe if we survived the first semester apart, I’d feel more confident about taking that step.
What also helped keep things in check: I’d only go over his house when Janis was home. My body was in a constant state of arousal, and I knew with the first opportunity to be alone, we would give up control.
A certain camping trip at the end of the summer proved that.
***
It all started with some big news: Davey had a girlfriend for the first time in his life. Her name was Zena, and she was like a female version of him: stalky with dreadlocks except hers were strawberry blonde. They met at a Star Wars convention and realized they lived two miles apart. We were all happy for him because he was no longer the perpetual fifth wheel.
Davey had this idea to take Zena to a campsite in Lake George, New York for her birthday. His grandfather had given him the keys to the family RV, and he invited Mitch, myself, Angie and Cody to tag along.
The RV was older, had a full-size bed all the way in the back and seating with 1980’s plaid upholstery on each side in the middle. There was a small kitchen area just before the bedroom.
It was a week before Mitch would be leaving for Boston, and if the ride to Lake George were an indication of how the trip would go, I was in trouble.
Mitch sat next to me for most of the ride, and the heat from his leg that was practically glued to mine radiated throughout my body.
He squeezed my thigh. “Are you excited to go camping?”
“Yeah…you?”
Instead of responding, he took my bottom lip into his mouth, sucking on it hard before slowly releasing it. “I’m excited to go camping with you.” My body went limp.
Cody was playing his guitar while Angie and Zena sang along with him to Blowin’ in the Wind. Davey, who was driving, used the opportunity to point out that “blowin” was a prelude to his planned activities with Zena later.
Mitch whispered in my ear, “What the hell is with this music anyway? My grandmother used to listen to this. Peter, Paul and Mary, I think…except Cody sounds like the Mary.”
He kept making me laugh as we held hands. When he left our seat to give Davey a break at the wheel, I moved up front. I hadn’t even wanted to be away from him for 30 minutes. How was I supposed to handle him going away for four years? My stomach turned at the mere thought.
He’d glance over at me while driving, and I’d melt. The sunlight made his already blue eyes glow into an aquamarine color. He reached for my hand. “I can’t wait to spend time with my favorite girl.”
Davey overheard and cracked, “There’s only one bed. Zena and I have dibs. You two are gonna have to shag in the woods.”
“Shut the f*ck up, Davey.” I had never heard him snap so angrily at Davey before. “I’m sorry,” he whispered to me before returning his eyes to the road. Mitch was seriously pissed.
If he only realized how turned on I was at the thought of him taking me in the woods.
Angie snuck up behind us and took a picture of our entwined hands then disappeared.
When we finally arrived in the middle of the afternoon, the guys set up two tents and started to grill hot dogs and hamburgers. I had brought an angel food cake and dressed it with whipped cream and fresh berries.
We threw some blankets on the ground and had a picnic on the dewy grass. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky, and a gentle breeze blew around our napkins.
Zena meant well when she asked, “Are you all set for Boston, Mitch?”
Before answering, he looked at me with sadness in his eyes. “Not really.”
I gave him a sympathetic smile.
When the others were involved in an argument about sleeping arrangements, he lifted his index finger prompting me to come closer. “You have whipped cream on your mouth.” Before I could respond, he pulled my ponytail slowly toward him and slid his hot tongue across my lips. “Mmm,” he groaned before kissing me deeply. The sugary sweetness mixed with the taste of him drove me crazy. I wondered how I was going to survive this night.
My focus turned back to the conversation. I heard Angie say, “But Cody can’t fit in the tent. His legs would be hanging out. He’d get attacked by a snake in the middle of the night.”
“Alright. Let’s settle this shit once and for all. Mitch, give me your hat,” Davey said. Mitch took off his Yankees cap and handed it over. The flattened hair underneath was sexy as hell.
“We’re gonna draw a name. Whichever couple is picked gets the bed inside. The others take the tents.”
He ripped parts of a flier and wrote down the names before throwing them into the hat, shaking it and drawing one. “Angie and Cody…shit.”
Cody high-fived Angie, and Zena pouted.
Mitch nudged me playfully with his shoulder. “You and me in a tent, huh?”
I swallowed nervously. I wanted him so badly but knew it would only cause problems for him.
Angie stood up. “Let’s go swimming in the lake before sundown.”
The girls retreated into the RV to change into our bathing suits. I wore a multi-colored string bikini that showed off my assets.
Back outside, Mitch smiled when I approached with my towel in hand. He was still wearing beige cargo shorts but had taken off his shirt.
His gaze slowly descended down the length of my body and gave me chills. “Wow. I like your bathing suit.”
I poked his abs with my finger, and they felt like granite. “Who’s eye-f*cking who now?”
He spoke into my ear. “You can feel that, huh? I’m eye-f*cking you so hard right now. You’re smokin’.”
His words alone made me instantly wet. “Thanks. So are you.”
Mitch kissed my nose. “I’m gonna help Davey close up the barbecue. Go ahead, and I’ll meet you there?”
“Okay.”
On the way to the water, Angie started grilling me. “So…tonight?”
“No. No way.”
“Why not? Skylar, that dude’s balls are like beyond blue, they’re like—”
“Black and blue,” Zena chimed in.
Angie laughed. “Right? He wants you bad. You have to know that.”
“Of course, I do. The feeling’s mutual, but it’s not happening right before he’s about to leave.”
Zena stopped in her tracks. “I hear ya, but do you really want him turned on, unsatisfied and unleashed on a bunch of sex-starved vultures next week? You need to take care of him so he remembers what he has waiting for him at home.”
I hadn’t thought about it that way.
I became riddled with anxiety. Zena and Angie went in the water while I waited on a blanket for Mitch. Breathing in the earthy smell of the lake, I became lost in thought while watching the dark blue water rippling as the sun reflected upon it.
A male voice emerged from just to the right of me. “Mind if I join you?”
“Um…actually, I’m—”
“I’m Logan.” He stuck out his hand and flashed a smile.
Logan was good-looking with short blonde hair and a toned physique.
“Hi.” I shook his hand.
“A bunch of my friends and I are here visiting from Western Massachusetts. I saw you sitting here and thought I’d come say hello, find out where you’re from.”
“Hello.”
“Are you here with anyone?”
“Yeah, actually, I’m—”
“She’s here with me.”
Mitch’s voice was gruff, and he was giving Logan a dirty look when I turned around.
“Oh…my bad, man.” Logan stood up. “You’re a lucky guy. Your girlfriend here is a beauty,” he said before jogging back over to his friends.
Mitch was quiet when he joined me on the blanket. His ears were red, and he looked irate.
“I’m sorry about that,” I said.
“Why? You shouldn’t be. He was right. You are a beauty. But I’m not really a lucky guy, am I? I’m leaving in a few days, and you’re not really mine.”
“Of course, I am.”
“The truth is…” He pointed over to Logan. “That right there was a sneak peak into my biggest nightmare.”
“Nightmare?”
“Yeah. You and my mom, pressuring me to take that scholarship…you don’t realize it now, but when I’m gone, you’ll get lonely. You can’t understand that now because I’m still here, but there’s going to come a day when you’re gonna resent me for leaving. One night, some shithead is gonna move in at just the right time, and I’m gonna lose you.”
“That’s not true.”
“Can you promise me?”
The pleading look in his beautiful eyes was so intense, so vulnerable, it tore down all of my resolve. “I promise. I’m scared, too, okay?”
Instead of responding, he reached out his hand, lifted me up into his arms and ran with me toward the lake, dumping me in. Splashing, kissing and enjoying every second with each other, we played in the water until the sun went down.
After dinner on the barbecue, everyone sat around a bonfire, making S’mores. It had gotten chilly out, and I was still in my bathing suit, so I wrapped myself in a musty blanket from the RV. Some of the other campers joined us, and it was like a party with Cody playing guitar and people taking turns singing.
Mitch was quiet, distancing himself across the fire from me. Through the crackle of the flames and the flying embers, I felt the weight of his stare.
Then, my phone vibrated.
Maybe we should sleep in separate tents tonight.
Skylar: If that’s what you think is best.
Mitch: I want to do very bad things to you.
Skylar: Ok, then stay away.
Mitch: Is that what you want?
Skylar: No.
Mitch: F*ck. I have no willpower.
Skylar: 16-year-old Mitch had a ton of willpower.
Mitch: 19-year-old Mitch is a horny bastard who doesn’t give a f*ck anymore. He just wants you. Are you okay with that?
Skylar: Try me.
Mitch: I do want to try you, a little too much right now.
My heart pounded in anticipation of what I was about to type.
Skylar: Show me.
Mitch: I’m leaving in less than a week. Do you even know what you’re asking for?
Skylar: Yes.
Then, he suddenly got up without saying anything and walked into the RV. I wanted to follow him but wasn’t sure if that was his intention. He might have just been running away from me. I waited. Then, he texted me.
That was your cue to follow me.
I couldn’t help but laugh at my stupidity as I stood up. My pulse was racing. Our friends were all preoccupied with Cody’s singing and hadn’t noticed me sneaking away. When I entered the RV, it was dark except for a small light in the kitchenette area.
Mitch was sitting in one of the seats and leaning into his elbows. The tone of his husky voice gave me chills. “Lock the door.”
I walked back over to the steering wheel and pressed the automatic lock button. The curtains were already closed.
My confidence while texting had disappeared now that we were alone. My heart was hammering against my chest when I turned and saw the raw desire in his eyes. “Don’t be nervous. Come here.”
I stood in front of him as he stayed seated. Chills rushed down my spine like dominos as he pulled me slowly toward him and softly kissed my torso. He kept his mouth on my skin then reached up and stuck one of his fingers under my bathing suit strap, lightly tugging at it. “Take this off.”
My nipples tingled. It was uncharacteristic of him to be so direct, but maybe this was what he was like in the bedroom. It turned me on. I loved horny 19-year-old Mitch.
I undid the tie at the top of my bikini then unhooked the back and let it fall to the ground.
His lips parted, and he let out a slight gasp at the sight of my bare chest. “I just want to look at you for a little bit. Is that okay?”
“Yes.”
My nipples were so hard that they actually hurt. Goosebumps covered my chest as he stared at me with a lust-filled expression. It was torture because I wanted to be touched.
Finally, he circled the palm of his hand gently across my right breast and then my left. His breathing was uneven, and his striking blue eyes were glassy, almost like he was in a daze.
“They’re more perfect than I could have ever imagined.”
I shivered. “Thank you.”
He squeezed them together. I closed my eyes and suddenly felt the hot wetness of his mouth as he licked a line up the middle and sucked my left nipple. He took turns licking and sucking and then moved to the right one.
When he began to suck harder, my breathing became erratic. I had dreamt of this, but nothing compared to the reality of his hot mouth feasting on my body.
“You like it when I suck it hard like that?”
I wanted his mouth everywhere. “Uh-huh.”
I gripped his beautiful, shiny hair and pulled him harder into my chest. Moisture started to pool between my legs.
“You’re sweeter than anything I’ve ever tasted. I want to taste every inch of you tonight. Will you let me?”
I whispered, “Yes.”
“If you want me to stop, just tell me, okay?”
I nodded. My entire body was buzzing in anticipation, every nerve ending hyperaware that something major was about to happen.
His hands slid down my sides and grasped the material of my bikini bottom. “I want to take this off.”
“Yes.”
He slowly slid it down, and I stepped out of it, completely naked. He groaned through his teeth, “F*cking hell. I’m harder than I’ve ever been just looking at you.”
“Please…touch me,” I begged.
“I want to do more than touch you.”
I closed my eyes the second his fingers began rubbing against my *. I had played with myself before, but nothing compared to the feel of his big rough hand on me.
Mitch’s eyes were glued to the sight of his fingers rubbing between my legs. When he slowly slipped two of them inside of me, he let out a long, shaky breath. “Holy shit.” He just kept looking at his fingers moving slowly in and out of me. “I love how wet you are. Nothing has ever turned me on like this.”
I looked down at his cock straining through his board shorts and started to rub over it as he continued to finger me. As soon as my hand touched down on him, his breathing became labored. I loved seeing him lose control.
He suddenly withdrew his fingers from my throbbing sex. “Sit on me,” he said gruffly.
I climbed on top and wrapped my legs around him. He was still dressed, and I was completely naked as he pushed me down on him. He took my nipple into his mouth as I gyrated over him. The thin material of his shorts meant it didn’t feel like much was separating me from his hot erection. I couldn’t get enough and kept bearing down harder and faster.
“Fuuuck…Skylar. Slow down.”
I couldn’t stop. He leaned back with his eyes closed in ecstasy, guiding my body over him with his hands on my waist. Suddenly, I felt my own orgasm unexpectedly rising to the surface. “Oh my God. I’m gonna come.”
He pushed me down on him harder. “Come, baby.”
Hearing him say that pushed me over the edge. When my climax pulsated through me, I lost all inhibition and said, “I’m coming all over your dick.”
After a few seconds, he yelled, “Shit!” and suddenly pushed me off of him. “F*ck.”
I was standing up now. “What’s wrong?”
He put his head in his hands. “I’m sorry. When you said that—that you were coming all over my dick—I lost it. I friggin’ came. I didn’t want it to seep through. That’s the only reason I pushed you off like that.”
I covered my mouth. “That’s okay.”
“That’s never happened to me before.”
“I guess 19-year-old Mitch is also sensitive to dirty talk?”
He shook his head in disbelief. “That right there…was more like 13-year-old Mitch.”
We both broke out in laughter. “Let me go change real quick,” he said.
He walked to the back of the RV and returned with a new set of shorts, but he had taken his shirt off. I ran my index finger along the thin line of hair that trailed down his washboard stomach, disappearing into his underwear line.
He pulled me into a deep kiss as my heart raced against his rock hard chest. I was still fully naked and could feel that he was already hard again. He playfully bit my bottom lip, squeezing my ass and whispered over my lips. “What have you done to me?”
“What do you mean?”
“I’ve never come in my pants in my entire life, and not only am I hard again, but it never even went down. I want you so badly. There’s a part of me that wants to be gentle with you but a bigger part that just wants to take what I’ve been dying to have for years.”
“Take it. It’s yours. It’s always been for you.”