Chapter Sixteen
It was the big day—the day that the twins came home from the hospital. I wish I could say I was thrilled beyond belief, but at the very crux of my being, I was f*cking terrified. In the hospital, we had a team of nurses and doctors at our disposal in case anything went wrong. At home, we were all on our own to somehow raise these two little lives. Of course, Abby was completely fearless when it came to the twins. She mastered breastfeeding the two of them at the same time, did great changing their diapers and giving them baths.
But me?
I was afraid that when I picked them up, I’d forget to support their head, causing them serious trauma. Or when I had to dress them or change their diaper, I feared pulling too hard on their arms or legs and having them fall off.
Oh yeah, I was a f*cking basket case.
After what seemed like a small eternity, I got both Jax and Jules’s car seats strapped in our new family-friendly SUV. Thankfully, they snoozed the entire time I cussed and worked up a sweat at getting them in right. They’d conked out shortly after Abby filled them up at feeding time just before we came downstairs.
After they were born, both of them faced a gamut of issues that prevented us from going home immediately. First, Jax turned jaundice. Then Jules had sucking reflex issues, so she started losing weight. This took a while to resolve. I had to give major props to Abby. She handled it all like a trooper as she tried getting Jules back on the breastfeeding train. Me, I would have just said screw it and given Jules a bottle. But Abby was determined to have the same bonding experience with Jules as she did with Jax. Like always, my Angel was amazing. Finally, Jules had hit the regulation five pounds to go home last night. We hadn’t wanted to leave with Jax and not Jules.
I eyed the sleeping little angels, as Abby would call them, warily before I shut the door. I hoped they would continue sleeping this peacefully on the ride home. I didn’t even want to begin to imagine what driving down the interstate with one screaming baby, least of all two, would be like. A thousand horrifying scenarios ran through my mind of me losing my shit in the car with the noise.
While there were all these maternal instincts that had kicked in for Abby the moment the twins were born, I hadn’t experienced any paternal ones. Sure, I worried about them constantly when they were in the NICU, and all I wanted was them to be healthy and happy. But I still had yet to experience some overwhelming protective vibe, and that concerned me. Basically, I was totally f*cking clueless when it came to the two little lives I’d helped create.
“Ready?” Abby asked, when I slid into the driver seat.
My hand hovered over the ignition before I glanced over at her. “Um, I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to take those two home with us.”
She grinned. “It’s going to be fine, Jake. We’re going to be fine, and the twins are going to be fine.”
“Deep down I know you’re right. But I can’t help feeling panicky whenever I think about the two of them and how we’re completely responsible for them.” I shook my head. “I can perform in front of fifty thousand people, and it doesn’t scare me at all. But them,” I jerked my thumb to the backseat, “they scare the hell out of me.”
She rubbed my arm. “But we won’t be all alone at first, babe. My mom and dad will be down at the barn if we need them. I mean, that’s the plan of where they’re staying, but if I know them, they’ll be crashing on the couches to be closer to us and the twins.”
“You won’t hear me complaining.”
It took us a little longer to get home considering I refused to go over the speed limit. Abby had fallen asleep when we got out of the city. I didn’t bother waking her because I knew she needed her rest. When I finally turned the SUV into the driveway, I saw several cars lining the driveway. I pulled up to the front of the house and turned the car off. I leaned over to kiss Abby’s cheek. “Wake-up, Angel. We’re home.”
Her eyelids fluttered before she opened them. “Oh no, did I fall asleep?”
“It’s okay. I didn’t mind.”
She smiled and brought her mouth to mine. “Thank you,” she murmured against my lips.
“For what?”
“For making today possible. I’ve dreamed about it for so long. Do you know what an amazing feeling it is to be bringing our son and daughter home?”
I grinned. “Pretty damn amazing.” I motioned to the door. “Let me get that for you.”
“What a gentleman,” she mused.
With a laugh, I hopped out of the door and came around the side for her. I opened the door and held out my hand to help her. “Jake, I’m not that fragile.”
“Just humor me,” I replied.
She put her hand in mine, and I helped her from the car. “Hi honey!” Laura called from the front porch.
“Hi Mom. Where’s dad?”
“Oh he’s taking Angel for a walk.” Laura hurried down the stairs. “Need some help?”
“No, we’re—” Abby began before I interrupted her.
“Can you get Jules’s carrier?”
“Sure,” Laura replied.
“I could have gotten her, Jake,” Abby protested.
“I don’t think so. Now go on and get in the house. You need to be off of your feet.”
Abby rolled her eyes. “I thought once I had the twins you would stop being so overprotective.”
I smiled and kissed her cheek. “Once you’ve recovered from the C-Section, you’re all on your own.”
She laughed. “I hope so.”
As she started up the stairs, I opened the back seat. The twins stirred, but thankfully, they didn’t start screaming. I passed Jules’s carrier over to Laura before I went around to get Jax out. As I worked to release him, he peered up at me. “Hey buddy, you have a nice nap?”
His response was to flail his hands and poke out his tongue. As I stared into his face, I couldn’t help seeing some of Abby in him. Sure, he had my dark hair, but the shape of his eyes, his nose, the dimple in his cheek—those were definitely her. Seeing a little mini-Abby made me smile.
I picked up the carrier and then started for the stairs. Rhys was standing at the bottom, grinning at me. “I didn’t expect to see you here,” I exclaimed, giving him a hug.
“Yeah, the guys and Mia and Lily wanted to surprise you. They’re all inside. Brayden’s helping Lily make lunch for you guys.”
“That’s awesome. Thanks.”
“You need any help?”
“Uh, yeah, actually I do. Can you grab the diaper bag out of the back seat?”
His brows furrowed as he crossed his arms over his chest. “You want me to carry some purse thing?”
I laughed. “No one will revoke your man card, I promise. It’s black, so it can be unisex for the twins.”
“Fine,” he grumbled, as he made his way over to the SUV. Once he had the diaper bag, he rejoined me, and we started up the stairs.
“So where are you headed on your break?” I asked.
“As much as I’d rather be shot, I’m heading down to Savannah to see the folks.”
I grimaced as I thought of the two snobbish a*sholes who were Rhys’s parents. A thought popped into my mind. “Hey man, while you’re down there, can you check in on Allison?”
“Sure. But why?”
With a sigh, I thought of how my baby sister had broken down on me when she’d come up to see the twins. She was twenty now, and she was going to school in Savannah. “Her douchebag boyfriend broke up with her, and she’s kinda down.”
Rhys held open the door for me. “Heartbroken and away from home, huh?”
I nodded. “She needs to see a familiar face.”
“Yeah, I’ll call her up while I’m down there.”
“Thanks, man, I appreciate it.”
When we got inside, Andrew was in the living room with Angel on a leash. At the sight of us, she strained, wanting to get free.
I set Jax’s carrier down on the floor next to Jules. “Wanna meet the babies, Angel?” Abby asked.
“I don’t know if that is a good idea,” Andrew said, holding firm to Angel’s leash.
Abby’s blonde brows furrowed. “And why not? She’s a part of our lives and now the twins will be a part of hers.”
Laura’s forehead crinkled with worry. “I just think it would be best not to have a dog around the babies until they’re a little older. Angel can just stay down at the barn with us.”
“But I worked hard before the twins were born to get her used to the idea of a baby in the house, and she’s the sweetest dog ever, so I know she wouldn’t do anything to hurt them,” Abby protested.
Andrew glanced over to me as if expecting me to put my foot down. He should have known that there was no way in hell, when Abby was less than two weeks off birthing two kids, that I was going to tell her no on anything, even if I thought it was the best not to have an eighty-pound dog slobbering over our newborns. When I just shook my head at him, he sighed. “Fine then.” He unhooked the leash off of Angel’s collar.
She made a beeline for the twins. My breath hitched when she stuck her nose into Jax’s face. But she didn’t try to bite his head off or anything crazy like that. She gave him a small lick on his hand before moving on to Jules. After she did the same thing to her, Angel hustled over to Abby. “Did you miss me?” Abby cooed.
Angel’s tail went into a frenzy at the attention, and Laura and Andrew exhaled the breath they had been holding. With the worry of Angel out of the way, Andrew bent over Jax’s carrier. “Mind if I hold my grandson?”
“Go right ahead,” I said.
Andrew smiled as he unhooked Jax and then picked him up. As he gazed down at Jax, he smiled. “I think he looks a little bit like his mom.”
“He does.”
Laura grinned as she peeked at Jules. “But this one is going to be the spitting image of her daddy, I think.”
My brows rose in surprise. “Really?”
Laura nodded. Abby abandoned Angel to come to my side. She snuggled against my chest and then jerked away. “Oh babe, you stink.”
I laughed at her honesty. “Yeah, Jax puked on me this morning as I was getting him in the carrier.”
“Why don’t you go grab a shower?” When I opened my mouth to question her, she shook her head. “I think between the three of us, we have the twins covered.”
“I want you lying down. Now,” I commanded.
“Fine, fine,” she muttered, before waltzing over to the couch. She made a big production of putting her feet up.
“Good. I won’t be long.”
Andrew patted Jax’s back. “Take your time. We’ll be fine.”
I had just stepped out of a long, luxurious shower when Jules’s piercing wail stopped me cold. I grabbed a towel and slung it around my waist before hauling it out of the bathroom. When I got into the bedroom, my gaze spun around the room before honing in on Laura who hovered over Jules on the bed.
“What are you doing to her?” I demanded over Jules’s cries.
Laura jumped at my voice. With one hand still on Jules, she turned her head to look at me. “I’m only changing her diaper. Abby’s feeding Jax.”
“Then why is she crying like that?”
“I don’t know.” She gave me a knowing look. “Babies sometimes cry for no reason.”
Even though I was still wet, I marched over to the bed. “Hey little girl, what’s wrong?” As Jules kept crying, pain radiated through my chest. As soon as Laura taped up her diaper, I reached over to take Jules in my arms. She was so tiny that her butt fit into the palm of my hand as I cradled her against my damp chest. “Shh, it’s okay, sweetheart. Daddy’s here,” I murmured into her ear.
Her cries began to quiet as I patted her back. As I rocked back and forth on my feet, Jules gave a contented little sigh. When I pulled my head back to eye her on my shoulder, I saw she was fast asleep.
“Guess she just wanted her daddy, huh?” Laura asked with a smile.
“That was…intense.”
“Jake, you have to get used to their crying. They might keep you up all night with tummy troubles or teething.”
“I know. It’s just…” I was kinda afraid to tell Laura about how detached I had been feeling from the twins.
“It’s what?” she pressed, crossing her arms over her chest.
“I think my paternal instincts finally kicked in.”
“What do you mean?”
“Since the twins were born, I haven’t felt as connected to them as Abby has. I’ve heard Brayden and AJ talk about that fierce, protective love they felt for their children, and I didn’t exactly have that.”
“Maybe you just had a delay.”
My brows rose. “You think?”
She nodded. “With the twins in the NICU, you haven’t had a chance to be around them like normal babies. After what happened with Jules in the delivery room, it’s only natural that you’ve had your guard up worrying about them. That worry also erected somewhat of a wall to where you couldn’t allow yourself to feel as much for them as you would like.”
“It was Abby, too,” I murmured.
Laura’s forehead crinkled. “You were worried about something happening to her?”
“I was worried that if something happened to one or both of the twins, she wouldn’t be able to handle it. I guess at first, I wanted them to live for her, not necessarily for me. Now that’s changed.” I gazed down at Jules and felt like my chest would explode from the overwhelming emotions coursing through me. “Everything’s changed.”
The old me would have been freaked out by that thought, but the new me—the one who was now a father—was pretty damn content. I didn’t know how it would all work out, but deep down, I knew we would be fine. We’d be perfect.