She sighed and grimaced. "I fell."
I'd guessed right. "That's what I thought," I said, unable to contain my smile. "I suppose, being you, it could have been much worse - and that possibility tormented me the entire time I was away. It was a very long three days. I really got on Emmett's nerves." Honestly, that didn't belong in the past tense. I was probably still irritating Emmett, and all the rest of my family, too. Except Alice...
"Three days?" she asked, her voice suddenly sharp. "Didn't you just get back today?"
I didn't understand the edge in her voice.
"She missed you too, you idiot," Jacob chuckled.
"No, we got back Sunday."
"Then why weren't any of you in school?" she demanded. Her irritation confused me. She didn't seem to realize that this question was one that related to mythology again.
"Well, you asked if the sun hurt me, and it doesn't," I said. "But I can't go out in the sunlight, at least, not where anyone can see."
That distracted her from her mysterious annoyance.
"Is it really that mysterious?" Bella questioned Jacob.
"I don't think so," Jacob said. "But of course I have you right here telling me what your book self is thinking... um... at least you do when you can."
"Why?" she asked, leaning her head to one side.
I doubted I could come up with the appropriate analogy to explain this one. So I just told her, "I'll show you sometime." And then I wondered if this was a promise I would end up breaking. Would I see her again, after tonight? Did I love her enough yet to be able to bear leaving her?
Bella growled, really annoyed by that. If he didn't stop thinking about leaving her... Saying that his leaving proved that he loved her, she was going to scream.
"You might have called me," she said.
What an odd conclusion. "But I knew you were safe."
"What a jerk," Jacob laughed. "Of course only he matters."
Bella rolled her eyes.
"But I didn't know where you were. I - " She came to an abrupt stop, and looked at her hands.
"What?"
"I didn't like it," she said shyly, the skin over her cheekbones warming. "Not seeing you. It makes me anxious, too."
"Aww... poor Bella," Jacob teased.
"Shut up," Bella groaned.
Are you happy now? I demanded of myself. Well, here was my reward for hoping.
"He says that like it's a bad thing he got what he hoped for," Jacob rolled his eyes.
I was bewildered, elated, horrified - mostly horrified - to realize that all my wildest imaginings were not so far off the mark. This was why it didn't matter to her that I was a monster. It was exactly the same reason that the rules no longer mattered to me.
"And it's a horrifying reason," Jacob said.
Why right and wrong were no longer compelling influences. Why all my priorities had shifted one rung down to make room for this girl at the very top.
Bella cared for me, too.
Bella smiled.
"I don't think he's going to stop his negative thinking," Jacob pointed out to her.
"But it's still nice to know that I like him... and he knows it now," Bella said.
I knew it could be nothing in comparison to how I loved her.
"And apparently he's still going to underestimate you," Jacob chuckled.
"Um... well, he might have a point," Bella said. "I mean, you heard how he described how vampires love..."
"Yeah," Jacob agreed, knowing that it was close to what was described in his legends. "But if that is true, it's probably easy for you to feel the same way," he added a little reluctantly. "I mean if someone loves you like that... don't you think it would be easy... even for us lowly humans... to love the same way."
"I suppose," Bella said. "Still, I'll have to meet him before I really understand my feelings."
But it was enough for her to risk her life to sit here with me. To do so gladly.
Enough to cause her pain if I did the right thing and left her.
Bella groaned at that.
Was there anything I could do now that would not hurt her? Anything at all?
I should have stayed away. I should never have come back to Forks. I would cause her nothing but pain.
Would that stop me from staying now? From making it worse?
Bella grimaced, but now she was determined... she was going to have to make it clear to him that leaving wasn't an option. Of course how she was going to do that was the more difficult problem.
The way I felt right now, feeling her warmth against my skin...
No. Nothing would stop me.
"Ah," I groaned to myself. "This is wrong."
"What did I say?" she asked, quick to take the blame on herself.
"Don't you see, Bella? It's one thing for me to make myself miserable, but a wholly other thing for you to be so involved. I don't want to hear that you feel that way."
It was the truth, it was a lie. The most selfish part of me was flying with the knowledge that she wanted me as I wanted her. "It's wrong. It's not safe. I'm dangerous, Bella - please, grasp that."
"No." Her lips pouted out petulantly.