Jacob sighed, he really didn't want to hear that right now... it made it easy to hate them again.
"This is a mistake?" she asked, and there was heartbreak in her voice. The sound of it disarmed me. She wanted to be with me - despite everything, she wanted to be with me.
Hope swelled again, and I beat it back.
"A very dangerous one," I told her truthfully, wishing the truth could really somehow cease to matter.
She didn't respond for a moment. I heard her breathing change - it hitched in strange ways that did not sound like fear.
"What is it then?" Jacob asked.
Bella didn't answer; she just looked sadly at the book.
"Tell me more," she said suddenly, her voice distorted by anguish.
I examined her carefully.
She was in pain. How had I allowed this?
"You should watch your words more carefully," Bella mumbled.
"What more do you want to know?" I asked, trying to think of a way to keep her from hurting. She should not hurt. I couldn't let her be hurt.
"Tell me why you hunt animals instead of people," she said, still anguished.
Wasn't it obvious? Or maybe this didn't matter to her either.
"I don't want to be a monster," I muttered.
Bella smiled at that, thinking how that proved that he wasn't a monster.
"But animals aren't enough?"
I searched for another comparison, a way that she could understand. "I can't be sure, of course, but I'd compare it to living on tofu and soy milk; we call ourselves vegetarians, our little inside joke. It doesn't completely satiate the hunger - or rather thirst. But it keeps us strong enough to resist. Most of the time." My voice got lower; I was ashamed of danger I had allowed her to be in. Danger I continued to allow...
"Sometimes it's more difficult than others."
"Is it very difficult for you now?"
I sighed. Of course she would ask the question I didn't want to answer.
"Because those are the questions that truly matters... that lets me know more about you," Bella said.
"Yes," I admitted.
I expected her physical response correctly this time: her breathing held steady, her heart kept its even pattern. I expected it, but I did not understand it. How could she not be afraid?
"Because she's a freak," Jacob supplied.
"But you're not hungry now," she declared, perfectly sure of herself.
"Why do you think that?"
"Your eyes," she said, her tone offhand. "I told you I had a theory. I've noticed that people - men in particular - are crabbier when they're hungry."
"That is ridiculous," Jacob said in mock indignation.
"Are you hungry now?" Bella questioned.
"I could do with a bit of eating, yeah," Jacob admitted.
"I rest my case," Bella said and Jacob rolled his eyes.
"But we are going to eat dinner after this, right?" Jacob asked, now that she's got him thinking about food, he really was hungry.
"I guess," Bella said. "I think I should call Charlie and see what's going on... he should be getting home soon."
"Yeah, that's a good idea," Jacob said. "But let's finish this chapter first, okay?"
I chuckled at her description: crabby. There was an understatement. But she was dead right, as usual. "You are observant, aren't you?" I laughed again.
She smiled a little, the crease returning between her eyes as if she were concentrating on something.
"Were you hunting this weekend, with Emmett?" she asked after my laugh had faded. The casual way she spoke was as fascinating as it was frustrating. Could she really accept so much in stride? I was closer to shock than she seemed to be.
Both Jacob and Bella laughed at that one.
"Yes," I told her, and then, as I was about to leave it at that, I felt the same urge I'd had in the restaurant: I wanted her to know me. "I didn't want to leave," I went on slowly, "but it was necessary. It's a bit easier to be around you when I'm not thirsty."
"Why didn't you want to leave?"
I took a deep breath, and then turned to meet her gaze. This kind of honesty was difficult in a very different way.
"Why?" Bella questioned, but she knew that she wasn't going to get an answer to that.
"It makes me...anxious," I supposed that word would suffice, though it wasn't strong enough, "to be away from you. I wasn't joking when I asked you to try not to fall in the ocean or get run over last Thursday. I was distracted all weekend, worrying about you. And after what happened tonight, I'm surprised that you did make it through a whole weekend unscathed."
Bella grimaced at this; as if Edward needed any more reasons to think that she couldn't survive without him near by... then again, having him nearby was a plus... so she wasn't too annoyed by this.
Then I remembered the scrapes on her palms. "Well, not totally unscathed," I amended.
"What?"
"Your hands," I reminded her.