I picked up my phone. “Hey, Corey? I need you to do me a favor.”
“The manager says you have two hours and he wants every item you take to be scanned on register number one. He wants a sTablet the day it comes out, and he’ll send you the bill tomorrow.” Corey typed a few things onto his tablet and the doors to Home Depot slid open.
Claire looked up at me and smiled as she made her way into the store, leaving me standing alone with Corey.
“Okay, seriously...” Corey said once she was out of earshot. “Does she have any friends who look half as good as she does? I need someone too, you know.”
“Watch it. I thought you had a date tonight. What happened with that?”
“She was an airhead. All she talked about was what type of clothes she wanted to wear to some celebrity party in L.A...We did have sex in my car on the way back though—which was amazing, but I don’t think I can sit through another dinner with her. One was painful enough.”
“I’m sure you’ll have someone else by tomorrow. Did you finish the Sorrento account?”
“Of course I did. No thanks to you.” He laughed. “We now have the best security tracking system I’ve ever seen. It’s been three days and I haven’t been able to hack into it from the outside. That’s a pretty good sign.”
“Good to know. Could you deactivate all the cameras in the store?”
“Ten steps ahead of you.” He patted my shoulder and started stepping backwards. “The next time you want to interrupt my favorite show, just so you can break into a hardware store after-hours, please hesitate to let me know.”
I walked over to where I saw Claire disappear to and spotted her on the ceiling fan aisle.
“Thank you so much.” Her eyes met mine. “I only need to get a few things...I left my wallet at home so I’ll pay you back for —”
“Get anything you want. You should know that you don’t have to pay me back.”
Her eyes lit up. “Anything I want?”
“Yes.” I kissed her lips. “Anything you want.”
“Well, in that case, we might be here for a while...”
It was midnight by the time she’d picked out everything she wanted, and we’d filled six carts to capacity.
We were walking around the small pond in the outdoor greenery area, holding hands and laughing at the fish that were flopping across the surface.
“When do you want to start scanning everything?” She looked up at me.
“Never. We’re not scanning any of it. I’ll write the manager a check and cover all his inventory losses at the end of the year.”
“Okay...Well, are we going to start loading up your car? How many trips do you think it’ll—”
“It’s already been taken care of.” I pulled her into my arms. “Don’t worry about it.” I smiled as I slid a hand underneath her shirt. “You know, your creativity never ceases to amaze me...”
“What are you talking about?”
“Why do you like wearing pantsuits all of sudden? You’ve been wearing them all week.”
She smirked. “No reason. I haven’t put that much thought into it.” She tried to step away from me, but I tightened my grip around her.
“Do you honestly think wearing pantsuits will keep me from—”
“From f**king me inside of Home Depot? I hope so.”
I unsnapped her bra and kissed her neck. “It won’t.”
“Jonathan, there are cameras! I’m—”
“Corey turned them all off.” I pulled her down into a bed of grass. “My driver won’t be here with the truck for another hour. That’s plenty of time, don’t you think?” I reached down and unzipped her pants.
“Have I ever told you that you’re ridiculously insatiable?”
“Only when it comes to you.”
April 14, 2013
Dear Journal,
I wish there was a better way to screen potential employees for jobs, a better way to see through people’s bullshit.
In every interview, the candidate always says exactly what he’s supposed to say: “My biggest weakness is trying to be a perfectionist all the time.” “I truly believe I’m the best person for this job because I’m driven, I work hard, and I’m always willing to go the extra mile.” “Oh no, I’ve never been late to work. Ever.”
During his trial period, he’s the most exemplary candidate in the world—showing up early every day, offering to buy all his coworkers coffee, and staying late on every campaign assignment...But as soon as that ninety day trial period is up, he becomes an ass. A complete and total ass.
We hired a new regional director at the beginning of the year, to help us revive our city billboard operations, and once he was “officially” in the position he started acting like he was the CEO.