“Was that really a good idea?” Lia asks delicately. “Don’t you want to know what’s going on there to avoid something like what just happened?”
Hell to the fucking yes, I want to shout, but wait until we’re on the road once again before I answer her. “I needed to avoid as much stress as possible with trying to detox on my own. Having to hear updates on Cassie tends to push me close to the edge. I also didn’t feel it was fair to keep that kind of personal responsibility on Max’s shoulders. Aidan is more than happy to look after Cassie and he’s able to do it far more impartially than I’ll ever be. For the first time in eight years, I thought I might be making a decision concerning her that wasn’t just based on my hate. I wanted to give that much consideration to Aidan.” Hitting the steering wheel with the palm of my hands, I snarl out, “It was a mistake, a fucking huge one. That should have never happened tonight.”
I feel Lia’s hand on my thigh as she tries to calm me. I’m surprised she isn’t freaking out as well. I can’t get the image of Cassie’s hands on our child as she called it her own. It was such a darkly twisted moment that I have to fight the urge to pull over and heave until there is nothing left inside of me. “I’ll call Debra and cancel dinner. We can go home and attempt to regroup.”
I take a deep breath, knowing that my anxiety level directly affects her. I can only imagine how she feels because I want to freak the fuck out myself. I need to be strong and downplay what’s happened if possible. I have no desire at all to socialize tonight, but I’ll do it—for her. I place my hand on top of hers and give it a squeeze of reassurance. “It’s fine, baby. You’ve been looking forward to seeing your friends again and I refuse to let my baggage ruin that.”
“Are you sure?” She sounds skeptical.
“Absolutely. There’s no use in going home to dwell on something we can’t change…at least tonight. Tomorrow will be soon enough to get some answers.” Even though I managed to keep my voice level for Lia’s benefit, I’d really like nothing more at the moment than to call Aidan and ask him what in the hell is going on. How dare he fucking bring her back here—to his apartment—for her first home visit without telling me. I also want to call Max and demand that he finds some way to make sure this never happens again. She’s not well—fucking far from it. If Aidan can’t see that, then he has no business managing her care. She’s a danger to all that I hold dear. An icy feeling of déjà vu washes over me and I know with certainty that in order to have a future with Lia, I’ll have to battle a past that threatens to take it all away—again.
Chapter Eleven
Lucian
“How dare you bring her here without telling me,” I bark out before Aidan has made it more than a couple of feet into my office. “Where in the hell is she now?”
He looks guilty but resolute as he says, “She’s back in the facility. She was only here overnight.” Expelling a breath, he sinks into a chair in front of my desk. “I didn’t tell you because it wasn’t something I had planned. When I went to visit her on Friday, her doctor asked if I’d given any more thought to signing her out for a short time. They’re interested in her case since this is experimental medication and she’s doing so well on it. They want to see if she can rejoin society and feel that exposing her in small measures would be helpful to her recovery.”
“We’re not talking about someone with social anxiety here, Aidan. She slit my fucking throat and killed my child! So they give her some new wonder drug and then decide to thrust her back out into the world? The whole thing is dangerous and unethical. How did they know she wouldn’t kill you in your sleep?”
“I locked her bedroom door,” he admits quietly. “It wasn’t that I feared her doing something to me, but I wasn’t confident she wouldn’t wander off somewhere during the night. She’s not used to any type of freedom.”
“You saw how she reacted to Lia. It scared the hell out of me,” I admit. Truth be told, I was distracted all through dinner with Debra and Martin, and then I was awake most of the night with images of Cassie hurting Lia.
Aidan’s face has gone as white as no doubt mine is. “I didn’t know what to do. I’m sorry, Luc, everything happened so fast that before I even had time to think, much less remember you were stopping by my apartment for that contract, we were walking in the door. I would have never let that happen if I’d had any idea you were there.”
Shoving back from my desk, I ask impatiently, “Do you have any cigarettes?” That’s about the last thing I want, but smoking a joint while drinking a bottle of whiskey is probably out. I’m just hoping a smoke will help in some way to release the freaking tension choking me.
He looks startled by my abrupt subject change but pulls a pack from his suit pocket. “Um, yeah, right here.”