Lucian finally comes out of his stupor enough to say, “Thanks. We’re very excited.”
“And terrified,” I add and then wince. Good grief, can I say nothing right today? I sound like some airhead Barbie. “Just the normal kind of new baby nerves,” I try to clarify, hoping he doesn’t think otherwise. I haven’t had a panic attack since the day we found out about the pregnancy.
“I would think that’s to be expected,” Lee says, sounding supportive. “It looks as if I’ll have gained both a daughter and grandchild this year.” Now he’s the one cringing at his words.
“Damn,” Lucian suddenly says, “you two are a disaster together, aren’t you?” Both Lee and I turn to glare at him before we all explode in laughter. The awkwardness dissipates in that instant as we realize the conversation can’t get much worse.
I give both men an embarrassed look. “When I’m nervous, I say whatever pops into my head. My common sense completely deserts me. Lucian and I have only told a few close friends about the baby, so it’s not common knowledge.”
“Even though I don’t belong to that group, I’m still honored that you told me,” Lee says, sounding as if he genuinely means it. “I hope that in time, you will be comfortable enough to at least call me a friend.”
I shift uncomfortably in my seat, not expecting to see the type of longing from him that he’s not attempting to hide. “I’ve been so angry,” I admit quietly. “I know you’re not to blame for the things my mother has done, but a part of me wants to hate you for not being there.”
Lee looks crushed at my words, but not surprised. Lucian takes my hand but doesn’t attempt to interrupt me. Finally, Lee says, “If our positions were reversed, I would feel the same way, Lia. That’s what’s so hard about this. I want your forgiveness, but I could never blame you if you didn’t give it. I’ve thought of little else since finding out about your existence. I still can’t fathom how I could have missed the fact I have a daughter. I don’t leave anything in my life to chance, but I never had an inkling, Lia—not the first clue.” Looking down at his hands, he swallows audibly. “You may not believe it, but as rough as I was back then, I would have still protected…and cherished you. I would have destroyed anyone who tried to hurt you.”
“You’ve done that, haven’t you?” I find myself asking. I can’t help but think of my mother’s abrupt admissions of guilt and my stepfather’s death. Has my father already been exacting revenge on those who’ve hurt me?
He studies me intently, seeming to ponder his reply. “I’ve failed as your father for too many years. That will never happen again.” His answer is vague—but telling. Before I can question him further, our food arrives and the moment of honesty is gone.
I’m surprised to find that, even with his revelations, I’m ravenous. I tuck into my bowl of cinnamon and sugar oatmeal as if I haven’t eaten in a week. Lucian and Lee are both having the garden omelet with wheat toast. I’m sure they are cringing over the extra brown sugar I’m heaping on my oatmeal, but Lucian only smiles at me indulgently. “This is so good,” I manage to say between mouthfuls. My appetite has been a bit off in the mornings with the whole throwing up thing, so this is different for me.
Lee takes a bite of his own food and chews with relish. “So, Quinn,” he says after he wipes his mouth, “when do you plan to marry my pregnant daughter?”
Lucian begins choking while I come dangerously close to spraying the table in oatmeal. I thump Lucian on the back, and he uses his napkin to clean me up. “I see you’re embracing this father role fully.”
Lee surprises a giggle out of me as he says, “You bet your ass, now answer the question.”
“Oh God,” I hold up my hand. “Please don’t answer that, Luc.” Then turning to Lee I add, “I appreciate you wanting to look out for me, but Lucian and I haven’t been together for that long. People have babies all the time without being married as you well know.”