Now, here I sit next to my pregnant girlfriend, whom I love more than life and I’m envisioning things I never believed possible. I was young when Cassie was pregnant, but if I’m completely truthful, I could never picture us growing old together. Fuck, most days, I could barely imagine us making it until the next week without some disaster occurring. It was stressful, but I got used to living my life on a wire back then. “Expect the unexpected” were words I lived by. Cassie thrived on chaos. I would draw up inwardly when she had that gleam of a bipolar mania in her eyes. I almost preferred the depressive episodes—unless she spiraled too low, then that was a completely new set of problems.
Just thinking about it all is enough to make me break out into a cold sweat. No good ever comes from remembering the past although it has been happening more as of late. The withdrawal from cocaine has left me clearer than I’ve been in quite some time. My dreams are more vivid and my regrets sharper. I am no longer self-medicating my pain away and some days the ache is particularly brutal.
“More coffee, sir?” our server asks, pulling me back into the moment. Lee is telling Lia about his company, speaking with obvious pride. Like Lia, I know he also had a hard life growing up. Now though, he’s wearing expensively tailored clothing and looks like the successful businessman he is. If you look closely though, there are still hints of the ruthless man he’s long been rumored to be. He’s a survivor as is his daughter. No matter how many challenges life throws their way, they will never give up. It’s simply not in their DNA.
Lia looks at her watch, seemingly disappointed by what it shows. “I need to get back to the apartment and grab my books for school.” Glancing at me, she adds, “I’m sure you’re needed at the office since I practically hijacked you for breakfast.”
Tucking a strand of blond hair behind her ear, I smile easily. “No worries, baby. I cleared my schedule until noon since I didn’t know how long our appointment would run.”
Lee insists on paying the bill and we all get to our feet. He rocks back on his heels, looking uncertain as to how to say goodbye to his daughter. I extend my hand to him, thanking him for breakfast. “I…um eat here every day through the week and so the invitation to join me is still open anytime you would like.” He looks at both Lia and me, but I know he’s really speaking to her.
She gives him a shy smile in response. “Thanks for inviting us. I enjoyed it.” She doesn’t make any commitments to coming again, but he looks hopeful all the same. I place my hand on the small of her back and lead her to the Range Rover. We’re almost halfway home when she says, “I owe you an apology. It was wrong of me just to spring that on you. I really don’t have an excuse.”
I just shrug my shoulders, now having gotten over my irritation of our impromptu breakfast with Lee. “You don’t have to be afraid to tell me anything, Lia. I wouldn’t have tried to talk you out of it.”
She reaches over to put a hand on my shoulder. “Oh, Luc, I know that. I think I just didn’t want to commit to going in case I backed out at the last minute. Up until the moment I took a seat at the table, I wasn’t sure if I was going to stay.” Sounding timid she asks, “It went okay though, don’t you think? I mean I still get really angry when I think of all the years he wasn’t around, but it doesn’t seem fair to hate him for something he didn’t know was happening.”
“I understand you’re torn over your feelings, baby,” I say carefully. “I think it would be difficult not to feel that way. I also believe that Lee probably has enough regrets to last him a lifetime. I’m not sure where that leaves you two, but he seemed thrilled to see you.”
“I resigned myself years ago to not having a father in my life. It’s hard for me to believe he’s here now. That we’ve been in the same city all along. I never imagined that. At first, I figured he lived far away and that was why he never came to see me. Then, after a while, I figured he must be dead. Otherwise, he would have come to save me.” My hands tighten on the steering wheel and I fight to keep my expression blank. “When I think about that, I get so angry. But I’m also drawn to him. I want to push him away, but in the same breath, I want to ask him never to leave. He reminds me a lot of you,” she adds in a lighter voice.
I look at her quickly in surprise before putting my attention back on the road. “How’s that possible? I’m much better looking,” I joke. Being compared to your girlfriend’s father probably wouldn’t be the highlight of most men’s day.
She giggles, relaxing back into her seat. “I’m not talking about your appearance although you both seem to love those power suits. It’s just the way you carry yourselves.”
“I could say something really dirty here, but I’m refraining since you keep grouping me with your father.”
“I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that,” she groans. “Anyway, I just meant that it’s obvious you’re a successful man and that you don’t take any shit, for lack of a better word.”
Pondering her statement, I say, “I can live with that. I would prefer the word cocky to successful, but you told me that I couldn’t talk about that…”
Shaking her head, she sighs. “All roads lead there, don’t they?”
“Are you complaining?” I ask as we pull into the garage and park.