“It could make me like her…my mom. For all I know, she wasn’t always the person she is now. Maybe I made her that way. I was probably a really bad baby and—”
“Lia,” I interrupt, not willing to let her do this to herself. My beautiful, selfless girl wants to assume the blame for her mother’s atrocities and I won’t allow that. Anyone who would abuse a child had evil in them from the moment they were born. “Nothing that happened to you was your fault. There are a lot of mothers who live through difficult circumstances each day and do not raise a hand to their children. I don’t care if you were a difficult baby or a bratty child; there is no justification for how your mother treated you.”
“I could be like her though, Luc, deep inside. I could have this baby and just snap.” I wonder if she’s aware that both of her hands are now cradling her stomach protectively. Even now, just a short time after finding out she’s pregnant, she’s guarding our unborn child against any threat.
“Honey, I know you’re nervous, but I’m here and we can do this together.”
She looks perplexed as she studies me. “Why are you so relaxed? I guess I assumed that if this happened, you would be the one freaking out the most. Instead, you don’t seem surprised at all.”
“I have no idea why I’m handling this so well,” I admit. “Possibly it hasn’t hit me yet.”
“It’s your do-over,” she says suddenly.
“My what?” I have no idea what she’s talking about.
“You’re not losing it because you have a chance to be a father again as you were meant to be eight years ago. This baby is your second chance, isn’t it?”
I can only stare as I attempt to make sense of her words. Is she right? I am unnaturally composed considering the news we’ve just received. I’m not ready to dissect the reasons for that though. Right now, I need to be strong for Lia. Later on, I’ll allow myself time to process where my head is at. I’m afraid if I dig too hard, I’ll end up a drunk basket case again as I did when I first learned of the possibility that Lia might be pregnant. There’s danger in soul-searching and I need to avoid it—for now. “I think we should let ourselves get used to the idea before we analyze everything, okay?” I drop a kiss on the top of her head before helping her back into her seat.
The ride back to the apartment is made in silence as we are each lost in our thoughts. “Can we go to Leo’s for an early dinner?” Lia surprises me by asking. I’m happy at her suggestion, thinking we both need to relax for a bit. My friend’s Italian restaurant has long been a favorite of mine and is now one of Lia’s as well. Fortunately, it’s only a short distance from the apartment and well within walking distance.
“Of course,” I reply as I open her door and help her out. I drop my arm around her shoulders and we move from the parking garage and onto the already busy sidewalk. Asheville, North Carolina has always been my home and I love the eclectic blend of buildings and landscape here. I’ve traveled extensively in the years since starting Quinn Software, but I’ve never found anywhere that fits me as well. Now with Lia in my life, she is my home and Asheville is just the city I live in. Possibly, that’s just as it should be when you love someone unconditionally.
One of her arms is around my waist and the other still cradles her stomach. Regardless of my encouragement to put aside our worries for today, she is still very much obsessing. Confirming my thoughts, she asks, “Are we going to tell anyone?”
“That’s up to you, baby. If you would like to talk to Rose, I’m fine with it. Or we can wait until you’ve had your first official doctor’s appointment.”
Lia goes stock-still. She grabs my arm, and I see the worry spread over her face. “Why? Do you think something’s wrong? Oh, my God!” We were beginning to attract attention as she begins to have what looks like some kind of panic attack.
I pull her away from the gawking people passing by and into an alleyway. Backing her against a building, I put my hands on her shoulders, bracing her shaking body. “Lia, look at me.” When her eyes meet mine, I continue in the same soothing tone. “Slow your breathing.” When she continues to pant, I ask, “Can you count to ten with me?” My question is unusual enough that it gets her attention. She slowly nods in agreement and I begin counting, waiting until she repeats the number before I move to the next. We do this three more times before she’s finally calm enough to be rational.
A tear rolls down her cheek as she whispers, “I’m sorry, Luc. I just—”
“I know, baby. It’s fine. You’re okay. I didn’t mean to scare you earlier. I was simply trying to avoid putting more stress on you by telling our friends. I thought we could both use a few weeks to let it settle in before fielding questions from others. I promise you that’s all it was.”