“You’re horrible,” she mock-scolds before turning her attention back to her food. We are both completely relaxed by the time the meal is over.
Even though it’s just after six, Lia’s eyes are heavy as we walk back to the apartment. “Tired, baby?”
“No,” she answers before yawning loudly. “Okay, maybe a little bit. I guess this is going to be happening a lot now.”
“Why’s that?” I ask, not catching on until she points at her stomach.
“Oh…yeah, that’s probably true,” I answer warily. I don’t want to encourage this conversation if she’s going to be as upset as she was earlier.
“How do you really feel about this, Luc? I mean, as much as I’ve been freaking out, this must be so much harder for you. Oh crap, I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have said that. You don’t have to answer that. That was really insensitive of me.”
I stiffen involuntarily at her question and she must have felt my response. I’m not used to discussing the baby I lost so freely so this is unfamiliar ground to me. I guess I thought that after I’d revealed my past to Lia, I would once again bury it—this time for good. Now I was unsure as to how to handle it. I don’t want there to be areas of either of our lives that are off-limits to each other. We need to be able to communicate, even if sometimes the subject is painful. I have to try—now more than ever for her. Taking a breath, I pull her closer, giving and receiving comfort. “It’s fine. You know you can ask me anything. To answer your question, like you, I’m still processing all that this means to us. I was so young the last time and woefully unprepared for the ramifications of being a father. So much of my time then was spent trying to keep Cassie stable that I had little time to think of anything else. I wanted the baby and even though I was nervous, I was excited. In a lot of ways, this is a new experience for me as well.”
We don’t talk again until we reach the apartment. I’ve just dropped my keys on the table in the entryway when Lia takes my hands in hers. “I know I’ve been all over the place since we found out today…about the baby, but you know I’m going to be okay, don’t you? I mean, the last thing I want is for you to be worrying about me doing something crazy. I promise you that won’t happen, Luc.”
Puzzled, I ask, “What’re you talking about, babe?”
She shifts uncomfortably. “I know I got really upset earlier and probably sounded as if I was losing it. I’m not though,” she rushes to add before I can speak. “I was shocked, I still am, but I’d never do anything to put the baby at risk.”
I understand now what she’s trying to say without putting it into words. She doesn’t want me to think she’s going to go off the deep end like Cassie. I pull her against my chest and wrap my hands tightly around her small body. “Lia, I never even remotely thought that. We’ve both had a big surprise today and we’ll go forward together. I’ve told you many times that you’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever known. You’re an amazing woman and when the time comes, you’ll be an amazing mother. We’ll figure it out one step at a time, okay?”
She gives me a tremendous smile saying softly, “All right.” I release her and as she walks away, she throws over her shoulder, “You’re doing the diapers though. I have a weak stomach.” Peals of laughter follow her as she disappears down the hallway. I smile in answer to her teasing, but I know that regardless of what she asks of me, I’ll do it. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for the woman who chased the darkness away and brought the light back into my world.
Chapter Six
Lia