Kiss Me Like This

Chapter TWENTY-EIGHT

Nothing, absolutely nothing, would ever be as good as waking up in Sean’s arms. All night long he’d been wrapped around her, his chest to her back, her body fitting so perfectly into his that it was as though they’d been made only for each other. Serena wasn’t usually a very sound sleeper, but she hadn’t stirred once all night.
And yet, feeling so momentarily safe made the decisions waiting for her even harder to face. If only she could stay in his bed, in his arms, forever, and forget that she had any other life.
She wanted so badly to be strong, to continue making the choices that she wanted to make, rather than the ones she felt compelled to go along with to make her mother, Smith Sullivan, the investors in his movie, and her agent happy. But with Smith’s movie thrown into the mix, it felt so much harder this time to say no and stand firm.
Maybe the way Genevieve had behaved should have made it easier, but Serena could still remember the times when her mother had been nice and kind and loving. And even if those times had more to do with Serena’s performance in front of the cameras than anything else, she couldn’t forget how good it had felt.
Serena’s heart rate was already rising by the time she tried to get the panic to stop by telling herself that maybe it would all work out. Maybe she was freaking out for nothing. And maybe her mother was wrong and Smith didn’t need her right away.
“Good morning.”
Trying to hide her rising anxiety, Serena rolled over so that she and Sean were face to face on the pillow. He was gorgeous first thing in the morning. “I like this,” she said as she reached up to brush her fingertips over his dark stubble.
He captured her hand in his and kissed her fingertips. “Good. Because you’ll be seeing a lot more of it in the future.”
Just like that, the tension that she’d only just managed to shove down burst open inside her. “Sean, I—” Just then she caught a glimpse of the clock on his bedside table. “Oh no, I didn’t realize how late it is and how long we slept. I need to go. I have my presentation this afternoon and I need to get ready for it.”
When he turned to look at the clock, he cursed, too. “I have to head out for fielding practice. And then I’ve got an Econ test.” She was already dragging on her clothes from the day before, when he slid naked out of the bed and took one of her hands in his. “I’ll text my coach to let him know I can’t make it today, and I’ll find a way to talk my professor into letting me make up the test later in the week.”
“You don’t need to do that.” No matter how much she wanted him with her, she couldn’t let him blow off the important things in his own life just so he could hold her hand all day and make sure she didn’t lose it. She made herself—for the first time with him—put on one of the wide smiles she’d so often used in front of the cameras. “I’ll be fine.”
But she could see that he didn’t buy it. Not for a second. “I know this might seem crazy,” he told her, “but I keep thinking that if I let you go today, the next thing I know, you’ll be calling me from an airplane or a film set.”
“I won’t.” Because even if she did have to leave, she would never go without saying good-bye. “I know my mother made it seem like everything needed to change right away, but we don’t know that for sure yet.”
A muscle jumped in his jaw at the word yet, but he didn’t press her on it. Instead, he was the one forcing a smile this time. “I’ll come get you at the English Department after you ace your presentation. We can go celebrate with a slice of pizza.”
“That sounds great,” she said as she wrapped her arms around him.
They stood holding each other for as long as they could, but the clock was still ticking and they had to pull apart too soon.
* * *
Taking a scalding hot shower helped. So did putting on a little makeup for once so that she had some color in her face, then choosing one of the few dresses she’d brought to campus and slipping it on, along with some pretty flats. By the time she was dressed, Serena actually felt pretty normal. Or as close to normal as she could be, given the circumstances.
Okay, she told herself as she packed up her notes and books to head to the quiet of the library for a few hours to review her presentation, all she needed to do was keep everything in its own separate compartment. Right now she’d focus on her classwork. After her presentation, she’d focus on Sean. And after that, she’d finally deal with her career...and her mother.
When that thought had her heart rate picking up again, she forcefully pushed it away and steadied herself by looking at the book in her hand. Jane Eyre. Charlotte Bront?’s beautiful words had always inspired her.
“Serena, you really need to start answering your phone!”
From the look on her roommate’s face as she walked into their room, Serena’s stomach sank even before Abi held out her own phone. “Katie just saw this and I didn’t want you to be blindsided by it later.”
Even the best self-control and all the pep talks in the world couldn’t stop Serena from flinching when she looked at the picture of her and Sean walking together. It must have been taken last night after they’d left her dorm room because they looked tense. Upset. And anyone would think from looking at it that they’d been fighting. How would anyone ever guess that they’d both been shell-shocked by her mother’s sneak-attack movie bomb? Especially when the headline that went along with the photo was Serena Britten gets ready to leave Stanford to shoot a Smith Sullivan blockbuster: Will a long-distance relationship work? Vote now!
She should have been used to this by now, to people voting online about a total stranger’s life—a stranger who happened to be her. But after feeling like she might actually have started to pull away from that life during the past few weeks, dealing with the celebrity spotlight again felt worse than ever. Had it just been last night after Maddie’s party that she’d told herself she didn’t care about the paparazzi anymore? Had she actually been foolish enough to believe that they were tired of trying to get interesting shots of her?
Now she realized just how wrong she’d been. Photographers must have been lying in wait for her...or someone from her dorm had heard the commotion, taken the pictures, and decided to make some quick cash by selling them. But that wasn’t all, because beneath the picture of the two of them were several more pictures of girls Sean was reputed to have dated before Serena. Pretty girls. Really pretty. And probably with normal lives that didn’t go off like mines in a minefield from one second to the next.
“Stop thinking crazy thoughts,” Abi said, clearly reading Serena’s face. “He’s not interested in any of those other girls.”
“I know,” Serena replied. Still, it wasn’t easy to see photographic evidence of what a player he’d been, particularly on a day when it was getting harder and harder for her to pretend that she was going to be able to stick around. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust him—of course she did—it was more that she hated the thought of him holding himself back from fully living life because of her. Especially if her career spiraled off the way it always had before, from photo shoot to fashion show and now to movie set, and she couldn’t come back to Stanford anytime soon...
“Last night with Sean,” Serena said, needing to share the wonder of it with her friend, “was amazing.”
Abi smiled at her the way she imagined a sister would. “Of course it was. Not just because of how hot your boyfriend is, but because he loves you.” Abi took the phone out of her hand and threw it on the bed. “I know all of these pictures, these gossip stories, upset you. But they don’t matter.”
“I know they don’t, but there’s still the movie thing to deal with.” Serena shook her head. “I know complaining about having a part in a Smith Sullivan movie is crazy.”
“Pretty much every girl on the planet would sell her soul to get to be around Smith,” Abi agreed. “But you can’t beat yourself up if you dig libraries more than hot movie stars.”
It felt good to laugh, even a little. It felt even better to be understood. “Speaking of libraries, I really need to get ready for my presentation.”
“You want to run it by me?”
“You’ve already been so amazing,” Serena said. “Dealing with having me as a roommate, answering endless questions about things anyone else would already know about by now, and then my mother yesterday. So even though I appreciate your offer to be bored to tears by my presentation, I think you’ve done more than enough for me already.”
“It’s what friends are for,” Abi said with a little shrug that proved just how much she meant it. Clearly, none of the things she’d done for Serena had been a big deal for her. Because she was a nice person.
Wanting so badly to do something for Abi, too, Serena said, “I meant to tell you about meeting Sean’s brothers.”
“Oooh, tell me everything.”
“Justin looks like his carbon copy, but even though I think they’re pretty different as people, it would be a little weird if you dated him. However,” she said to quell Abi’s disappointment, “his oldest brother Grant was there, although he might be a little on the serious side for you, too. But Drew…”
“Oh my God, Drew Morrison left his tour to come home for his sister’s birthday party?”
Serena nodded. “He’s a bit of a player, I think. More than a bit. But I still really liked him.” She smiled at her roommate. “And he’s pretty darn sexy.”
“I don’t care if he’s a player, and I already know how sexy he is.” Abi licked her lips. “How long is he going to be in town?”
“Wait a sec, I’ll see if I can find out.” Serena quickly texted Sean, hoping she’d catch him before he started practice. She smiled when he texted right back. “Until tomorrow. Sean says he has a private gig in the city tonight.” Serena sent him another note, hoping that she could at least give Abi this one small thing.
“What are you doing?”
She held up a finger as her phone buzzed again. “Hold on, he’s checking with Drew.”
“Checking? What’s he checking?”
Thirty seconds later, the text she was hoping for came through. “Drew would love for you to be his special guest tonight for the private show. He’ll come pick you up here at six if that will work.”
“Of course it will work!” Abi threw herself at Serena and hugged her so tightly she almost lifted her off the floor. “Oh my God, what am I going to wear?” She looked at her watch. “I’m barely going to have enough time to go to the mall and get everything else done.”
“Everything else?”
“You know, nails, makeup, hair.”
“Abi.” Serena wanted her roommate to have a good time, but she didn’t want her to end up hurt. “It sounds like Drew is always on the road. I don’t think he’d be good boyfriend material.”
Fortunately, Abi just laughed. “Don’t worry, I’m not in the market for a boyfriend. Even if the whole committed-and-in-love thing is totally working for you. But I’m definitely game for making out with a rock star.” She grabbed her purse and keys and blew Serena a kiss from the doorway. “Thanks again, you’re the best! And don’t worry about those stupid pictures, okay?” She poked her head back around the door frame. “Good luck with your presentation. I’m sure it will be amazing.”