“I could live with you forever and still you would surprise me.”
“I’m glad to hear that, Gabriel, because you’re stuck with me. Even when you’re in a foul mood. I’m not ashamed of what we do with our bodies, because it also involves our souls. I don’t want you to be ashamed either.”
He nodded and kissed her reverently.
She kissed him back.
“You tell me that I’m safe in your bed. But I want you to know that you’re free in mine. All the baggage, all the things from our past, they don’t matter here.”
He stroked her jaw with his thumb. “Okay.”
“Now will you tell me why you were so upset last night?”
“Not yet.” A shadow fell across his face. “I just need a little time.” He toyed with the diamonds in her ears. “You have my heart. Never doubt that.”
Julia rested in his arms, but it was a long while before sleep claimed her.
Chapter Thirty-three
Julia was not a psychologist. She’d spent time in therapy and was familiar with twelve-step programs and recovery. But she tried very hard not to diagnose others. In the case of her husband, she couldn’t help herself. Something was troubling him. Something disturbing enough to cause him to return to his old coping mechanisms.
She suspected that whatever was upsetting him was related to the news they’d received from Tom and Diane, but she wasn’t certain. Correlation is not causality, and so it was possible that the two events were merely coincidental.
Without knowing what was wrong, she didn’t know how to help him. Or how to comfort him. She felt as if a dark cloud hung over them, despite Gabriel’s concerted attempts to behave as if nothing were wrong.
She knew better. And his unwillingness to share his burden wounded her.
As their time in Umbria drew to a close and they prepared to travel to Florence, she resolved to do her best to be supportive and loving. But she was determined that if he hadn’t confided in her by the time they returned to Cambridge, she would take matters into her own hands.
During the previous summer, Gabriel had volunteered at the Franciscan orphanage in Florence during his separation from Julia. But as the staff quickly discerned, he was not the ideal volunteer. He didn’t take direction, he gave it. He didn’t hesitate to make changes to the workings of the orphanage, or to make demands about the facilities and food. And when the staff protested that they didn’t have the money to implement his changes, he simply paid for them himself.
In sum, the director of the orphanage, Fra Silvestro, welcomed his donations but was relieved when the Franciscans over at Santa Croce persuaded Gabriel that his skills would be better utilized in leading tours and giving lectures on the life of Dante.
So it was with delight that Fra Silvestro welcomed Julia to the orphanage in August, hoping that she would moderate her husband’s more aggressive charity.
When the Emersons arrived, they were met by the director; his assistant, Elena; and an assembly of children. The children, who ranged in age from four to eight, addressed Julia as Zia Julia and presented her with a bouquet and a series of drawings they’d made. The illustrations were done in bright colors and featured smiling children and a woman with long, dark hair standing in the center.
For a moment, Gabriel was overwhelmed. In the eyes of the children, especially the older ones, he saw a glimpse of himself as a child. He remembered standing in the waiting room of the hospital in Sunbury after his mother died, trying to get something to eat from the vending machine. He didn’t have any money and so he crawled on the ground to check under the machine for lost coins.
Gabriel tamped down the memory. If Grace hadn’t come upon him that day, his life would have turned out very, very differently.
Julia greeted all the children, crouching down to their level. She seemed perfectly at ease, chattering and laughing with them in Italian.
After the introductions were made, the Emersons were led to a side yard where the rest of the orphanage’s children, ages one to twelve, had gathered. The staff brought out the infants, so that they too could join the party.
Gabriel had been unable to rent a petting zoo but had secured the services of four ponies and their handlers. The ponies were tethered at the far end of the yard, surrounded by a crowd of excited children.
There were balloons and games, and a large, inflated bouncing castle. There were tables of food and desserts, and a large pyramid of wrapped gifts.
“How will they know which gift is for which child?” Gabriel pondered aloud.
Julia glanced at the pyramid. “I’m sure each gift is labeled.”
“What if they don’t like the present they receive?”
“Elena asked the children what they wanted and we bought it.” Julia squeezed his hand. “Stop fussing. The children will see you frowning and you’ll scare them.”