Julia laughed. “Rebecca is wonderful, but she’s our housekeeper, not a nanny. Her kids are grown up. I don’t think she’d want to help us with a child.”
“I think you’d be surprised if you asked her. She’s already volunteered to help more when we have a baby.”
Julia pulled away from him. “You’ve spoken to her about this?”
He held his hands up. “No. But before we were married, she mentioned that she hoped she’d be with us for a long time, long enough to see us start a family.”
He frowned. “I’m not the enemy, Julianne. I’m not constantly looking for ways to sabotage your education. Or your life.”
She ducked her head. “I’m sorry. I feel as if the slightest disturbance will cause me to lose my focus and I’ll flunk.”
“I think that’s the most honest thing you’ve said about your program.”
She lifted her face, eyes narrowing. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means, darling, that you’re worried about failing. Even though so many people are eager to support and help you. Including me and Rebecca.”
She started to protest, but he interrupted.
“Anxiety over starting a family is legitimate. But I think you’d be anxious about your program anyway. That has more to do with how you see yourself than how you see the program.”
Julia’s eyes widened.
“I—that’s not true.”
“It is. I know, I felt the same way when I was at Harvard. I think anyone who has an accurate sense of self has the same concern.” He moved his hand to the back of her neck, urging her forward. “You can do it, Julianne. I believe in you.”
Tears pricked at the back of her eyes and she found herself in his arms, clutching him tightly.
He moved his mouth to her ear.
“I’d like to take Maria home with us. I’d like to take all the kids home with us. But this thing with Harvard is something you need to deal with on your own.”
“Is that why you won’t tell me what’s troubling you?”
Gabriel exhaled loudly.
“No. I’m still working things out in my mind.”
“Without me.”
“I’ll share it with you eventually. As I said in Umbria, I won’t do anything without discussing it with you first. I just need some time.”
She shook her head but elected not to argue with him.
“Will you continue your work with the Italian Home for Children?”
“Yes. They need me, of course, and I’ve promised the students that if they graduate high school with an excellent grade point average that I’ll send them to Italy.”
“You’re already changing the lives of children. You should be proud of yourself.”
He gave her a half-smile. “Are you sure you aren’t ready for adoption? We’d love her.”
His eyes were dark with emotion.
Julia thought back to what she’d seen that day—the way Gabriel was with Maria and the other children. At that moment, Julia truly wanted to give him what he was asking for. But she knew it was wrong.
“We would. But if we love her, we need to do what’s best for her. And that’s probably finding a local family. Not two American newlyweds who don’t know what they’re doing. You’d have to give up smoking.”
“That isn’t a problem.” He looked at her carefully. “You’re worried about the drugs, aren’t you?”
She squirmed and he frowned at her.
“You don’t seem to have a lot of confidence in me.”
“I have every confidence in you. But you have to remember that I watched my mother relapse more than once.”
He disentangled himself from her arms. “Well, I’m not going to relapse.”
“Good.”
“Maybe we should talk about your own relapses. Just last month you were struggling with something and you turned to Paul.”
Julia’s brown eyes flashed. “You don’t get to throw that back in my face. I apologized, remember?”
“You’re right. I’m sorry,” he said stiffly.
“Are we having an honest and open conversation? Or are you trying to manipulate me?”
Gabriel glared. “We’re having an honest and open conversation. I apologize for bringing up Paul.”
She sighed.
“I understand that it’s difficult to work with the children at the orphanage and to leave them there. I feel it too. But it isn’t in Maria’s best interest for us to take her now.”
“The orphanage is good, but it isn’t the same thing as having a family.”
“Which is exactly why we shouldn’t take her.”
Gabriel moved to his feet. “That is not the Julianne I know speaking.”
“Oh, yes it is.” She stood in front of him.
“The Julianne I know would give the clothes off her back to a homeless person.”
She took a step closer, her face flushed with anger.