Forget About Midnight (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #9)

There had been a time when I thought it was wrong to love more than one man. Maybe it was. Now I just didn’t care. And yet, I wished I could have them all just as badly as I wished I could set them all free and walk alone. It wasn’t going to go down either way. It wasn’t meant to.

Finally I accepted that staring at the ceiling was a shitty way to spend the day. I went back downstairs to the living room and watched horrible daytime TV while surfing the net. It was mind numbing, boring. By sunset, I was going nuts.

When the last of the sun’s glow had started to fade, I ventured over to the blinds and peeked out at the backyard. I felt a tightening in my gut as my wolf tensed, begging for release. The forest beyond the yard called to me. I could feel it in my bones. Deeper even. In my soul.

Fear turned me away. No werewolf had ever become a vampire and managed to retain their wolf. Kale was just one example of that. Thanks to a dear friend with some witchy know-how, I still had mine. But the fear kept me from shifting. I was terrified that it wouldn’t work or that perhaps I would be stuck in wolf form, unable to turn back.

Resisting the shift for too long could be dangerous, both to myself and to Arys, who had no way to calm the echo of my wolf prowling around inside him. Too much time had passed already. I couldn’t put it off much longer.

I ignored the cry of my wolf even though it physically hurt me to do so. Busying myself with mundane things like a shower and makeup, I turned my thoughts toward the evening ahead. I was going to check out the address Brinley had given me.

The bloodlust grew with each passing minute. Without Kale there, I felt lost. I didn’t want to keep killing, even though I loved it so damn much when caught up in the moment. I’d been a hunter of monsters. Now I was what I’d spent so many years hunting.

“How am I supposed to go on like this?” I whispered to my reflection, receiving no answer. The mirror was beginning to feel like an enemy.

Like the past few nights, I did my best to make myself look the way I felt. Like someone else. Something else. The heavy black liner around my eyes and a bright red lipstick was more Jez’s style than mine. It wasn’t enough. I could still see myself there, lost behind those dark-blue eyes.

I turned away from the mirror with disgust. The bloodlust crept up my insides, starting as a twinge that soon became a pang. If I didn’t deal with this while I still had a shred of control, I was going to do something horrible.

Dressed in jeans and a Walking Dead t-shirt with Daryl’s wings on the back, I gathered my dagger, jacket, and shoulder bag and headed for the door. My house felt big and empty. I didn’t want to be there anymore.

Because I didn’t know where else to go to appease the blood hunger, I went to The Wicked Kiss. Losing it and killing someone in my own club was not what I wanted, but it was the only place where, if it happened, it could be easily contained from the general public and the FPA.

I was only mildly surprised to find Arys waiting for me. He knew me too well. I hadn’t planned to see him again so soon. The emotions were too overwhelming and made a mess of my head. I had planned to avoid as much emotional upheaval as I could until after I’d dealt with the FPA.

The roiling vampire essence rooted in my core recognized him before I spied his car in the parking lot. No Kale though. I had to remind myself that was a good thing.

Arys was in the lobby chatting with Justin. Leaning against the wall with arms crossed, he eyed each person passing through. In a black t-shirt that showed off his muscular arms and with his ebony hair messed just right, he looked like sex on legs, as he always did. I groaned. Why did he have to make this so difficult?

“Don’t kick my ass,” Arys said with a grin, holding up both hands. “And don’t argue. I’m here because you need me here whether you want to accept it or not.”

My gaze slid over to Justin who pretended not to listen by asking the girl behind me for I.D. With a finger I gestured for Arys to follow as I swept by him into the nightclub.

“Jenner told you, didn’t he?” I asked. “About how I almost killed a willing victim.” That better have been all Jenner told him.

“He did.”

My gaze strayed to the bar where my hopes soared and crashed. No Willow tonight either.

“I’m heading out on a hunt tonight. Human. But there’s a young girl involved so I need to take the edge off.” I had a hard time meeting Arys’s gaze. I didn’t want to do this with him but didn’t see much choice in the matter.

“Care to elaborate?” He walked at my side, careful not to touch me, as if he knew I would come undone.

I told him about Brinley as I scanned the crowd for someone to sink my teeth into. In no time Arys had women throwing themselves at him. He cast a questioning glance my way when the third sidled up with a drink in hand and a flirty smile.