“You might have had some of the usual issues, but Craig changed you. We were all there, Dec, and everyone hated it like hell. You just took everyone’s guilt though and carried it. Nothing you could have done would have saved him. If it hadn’t been that day, then it would have been another one.”
Declan jumped to his feet which made Evan give him an uneasy look. He gave him a reassuring smile before lowering his voice. “Craig had a family waiting for him. I promised I would get him back home to his wife, and I failed her and him. How am I supposed to move on with my life when I ruined someone else’s?”
“You need to go see Amy.”
“Amy? As in Craig’s Amy?
Nodding, Mac said, “Yeah. I still check on her and the kid on a regular basis. They’re both doing really well. She went back to school and finished her teaching degree and now she teaches kindergarten. She asks about you every time we talk. She really appreciates the money you sent them.”
Declan stared off into space, thinking of the woman and child that he barely knew. Craig had wanted them to have their own place and not have to depend on her father. It had been important to Declan to make sure that dream came true for Amy after Craig died. “She doesn’t want to see me. She probably hates my guts.”
“You’re the only one who feels that way, bro. I . . . actually, Amy is going to be up here on vacation next month and she asked if we could all get together while she’s here. She wants us to meet Renee, their daughter.”
Even as he shook his head, almost in a panic, Mac was saying, “Just think about it. You don’t have to decide right now, but you need this. You need the closure.”
“Yeah, that’s what my shrink says.”
Mac gave him a look of surprise. “You’re seeing a therapist? Shit, when did this happen?”
Nodding towards Evan he said, “About that time that he and Ella came into my life. I can’t keep losing my f**king mind in the middle of the night with one or both of them around. I was scared I could hurt someone without even waking up. I hurt Ella once when she tried to wake me up during one. I . . . I can’t risk that. I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t mention this to anyone else, especially her. I need to tell her in my own time.”
“You know I won’t, man. This might sound a bit paternal, but I’m proud of you. I know this is a big step.”
He had never been so grateful to hear his brother’s voice as he called out to them from within the apartment. No, his family never did anything normal like knock, but this was one time he wasn’t going to bust Brant’s balls over it.
As he walked past Mac, he heard him quietly say, “Promise me you’ll think about seeing Amy.” He nodded his head briefly as he walked away. Just thinking about what Mac was asking filled him with an unreasonable fear even though his therapist, like Mac, had tried to convince him that it would be good for him. He was terrified of seeing the look of hate that would surely fill Amy’s eyes.
Chapter Nineteen
Why was she so nervous? This wasn’t her first date with Declan. Heck, she didn’t think she had been even anywhere near this nervous then. He had spent Sunday with his family and Evan, and then had to go out of town on business for the rest of the week. They had talked on the phone each day, but they hadn’t been together in what seemed like ages. It was almost like starting over. She had missed feeling his arms around her. Missed burying her nose in his chest and inhaling his scent. Missed the way she always felt his lips against the top of her head when he was hugging her. He might not be a relationship guy, but when they were together, she felt cherished. He took care of her and in such a low-key way that she never realized it was happening until she thought back on all of the little things he was constantly doing for her.
His plane had landed a few hours ago and he was going to his apartment to shower before meeting up with her. To save time, she had insisted on meeting him at his place. She didn’t want him to have to drive all the way across town when the restaurant was so close to his apartment. She was in love with the seafood place on the strip and he had promised to look the other way while she terrorized the buffet.