“Ava! For God’s sake, could you please keep it down? I don’t have that!”
Declan finally decided to take pity on them and invite them to come over next weekend. Evan was supposed to come by on Sunday for a few hours. He just needed to make sure Ella wasn’t there. He didn’t want his family to torture her. After a few more laughs, mostly at Brant’s expense, everyone headed for the door. Mac and Ava were the last to leave and he knew that Brant had intentionally moved swiftly to the elevator to give them some time alone. He couldn’t imagine how hard it must be to love someone like Mac loved Ava and never be able to have her. Declan knew she loved him in her own way, but it wasn’t the way that Mac deserved.
He shut the door behind them and got ready for bed. He was burnt out from too many sleepless nights. His nightmares reliving Craig’s death had almost stopped after he opened up to Ella, but the last week had seen a return of the dream with one heart-stopping change. Craig had been replaced by Ella. The first night he had had the dream, it had been so vivid, more real than any of the others. His beautiful Ella had landed at his feet in the dream, her eyes vacant, and her body lifeless. The only thing he was grateful for was that he hadn’t woken Ella up by screaming. Instead, he had been gasping for air, choking on his own bile. After assuring himself that she was still very much alive and lying next to him, he had been awake the rest of the night, almost afraid that something would happen to her if he shut his eyes.
The fight with her mother seemed to have kicked everything off. His first dream had been that night. He couldn’t help but acknowledge what his subconscious was trying to tell him. He didn’t think he was killing her by being around, but he damn sure was starting to question whether he was ruining her life by continuing this relationship. She had obviously been a loyal daughter before he had come along and blown her family dynamics all to hell. Was her mother bat-shit crazy, hell yeah, but was that his call to make?
He had let this relationship deepen with her almost against his will. She was just so easy to be with and damn hard to be without. He loved who he was and how he felt when he was with her. She cracked him up with her strange love of action movies. The woman masturbated in front of him with the confidence of a seasoned pro, but then in the next minute, her innocence brought him to his knees. He found it impossible to stay away from her during the day at the office. If he had an extra five minutes, he went by to see her even if he barely had time to make it there and back to his office. She calmed his rage, buffered his guilt and soothed his soul. She made every breath that he took sweeter.
For all that she did for him, what exactly did he do for her? What had Ella gotten out of this relationship besides a war with her mother? To top it off, he had turned into a single father almost overnight. Evan was a great kid and, while he learned how to be a father, he would probably forgive him for screwing up his role in his life. How about Ella though? Could she forgive him for screwing up her life? Things never went well for the people in his life that he cared about—his parents, his grandfather, Ava, Craig. The list seemed endless and his gut twisted as he thought about Ella being added to that list.
In typical guy fashion, this would be the point where he started putting some distance between them. Maybe force himself to stop seeking her out during the day. Make some excuses not to see her at night. Stop taking and returning calls. Just the typical ass**le behavior his sex had perfected. With all that had happened in his life lately, she probably wouldn’t even hate him over it.
God, he couldn’t have her wondering what was going on. He owed it to her to shoot straight. If he wanted to end their relationship, he was going to have to man up and officially end it. She had done nothing to cause a break-up and he had done everything. He had to let her go before things got worse. He cared about her too much to let this continue, knowing he could never give her what she needed. He’d already taken her virginity, something he had no right to do. But he was just selfish enough to want the rest of the week with her before it was over. He needed to store up enough memories to get him through the bleak days ahead without her. In the end though, he would be saving her, something he wished he had been able to do for Craig.
***
Another night of seeing Ella die before his eyes while he slept had him restless and about to crawl out of his skin. When the doorbell rang at six a.m., he could only figure that the person on the other side had a death wish. When he swung the door open to find a smiling Ella before him, looking young and beautiful in a green dress and sandals, he felt his bad mood start to slide. How could you be pissed with something so damn perfect standing in front of you. He could feel his resolve starting to falter as he grabbed her hand to pull her inside.