“Zane?” I question lightly as I come into the room.
I don’t need a verbal answer as my eyes find him. He’s sitting with his head in his hands, his fingers wrapped tightly around his hair. My nerves quake to life, screaming in their wake that something sinister is amiss.
I brace myself and ask, “What’s wrong?”
“I can’t do this,” he mutters, his head still held downwards, his voice traveling toward the floor. “I can’t do this. I can’t do this anymore.”
It’s on the third try that I fully hear what he’s saying. I go to question him, but he stands up, slowly looking at me, his hands down at his side. The man who stares at me has no adoration for me. Now, he looks at me like a convict. He looks at me with no rose-colored spectacles, but instead, he looks at me for what I really am – corrupt. I don’t feel loved, I don’t need needed, and all my optimism blackens.
“I know, Amelia,” he begins to say, his tone gruff and hard to hear. I strain my hearing, but wish I hadn’t as he says the one thing that can shatter the entire facade I have lived in for weeks. “I know everything you’ve done.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
“Know what?” I dumbly ask in response to his statement.
I react by walking toward him as if nothing is wrong when inside all of my alarm bells are ringing a shrill cry. He knows. I swallow hard as my heart is launched into my throat, and I beg that it won’t imminently crash to the floor and shatter into irreparable pieces. When I’m met with Zane’s glare, I know I’ve just cognitively announced my own ending here.
“Everything,” he says and takes a moment before turning his back to me to pace across the room. "I went in to discuss when I could go back to work. But while I was there I wanted to get your father's file and make it disappear, but somehow that never happened." He runs a hand over his face tiresomely. "Want to know why?"
I hesitate but respond shakily, "Why?"
“Because their biggest case is the attack of Femme Fatale,” he states, his tone cutthroat, his eyes shooting daggers. “Apparently just over four weeks ago she took out two men at once and then took out one of Mahattan’s most wanted gang lords. Who just so happens to have direct links to a certain Abbiati leader.”
“It’s not what you think,” I tell him, finding it harder to comprehend a thing. “I had to.”
“Because Daddy said so?” he snaps viciously, and I react by flinching at the harsh tone. “Did he tell you he had to or he’d sell you again or what?”
I shake my head, roll my watering eyes, and beg my voice to carry. “I chose to kill all three of them.”
“Why?” he asks, his voice becoming gruffer by the second. “Why did you choose to kill three men?”
“Because they tried to take you away from me!” I break and tell him, my voice piercing with how distraught I’m feeling as I remember how Big Al taunted me over Zane’s death. “They planned to kill you to save my family from breaking up because you’re an issue. But you’re not, not to me! If they could plan it, anyone could, so I decided to kill them how I knew how to make sure you were untouchable.”
“Did it work?” he asks, by his voice I can tell he’s not buying any of this. “Well, did it, Amelia? Did it work?!”
“Almost,” I whisper, trying to find some conviction to work with. I dare myself to look back at him, to rile up some bravado. “My father still wants you dead, but I eliminated the other threats until I could get the all clear for us.”
“It’s too late for that!” Zane bellows, and I see how enraged he is by my deceit. “You said you were a monster, and I fought in your corner because I thought I was your only hit. The only hit that was making you fucking abstain from that life. I’m a fucking detective; I would have had protection from thugs like those!”
“But you didn’t, did you?” I ask him, snapping at him now. “They didn’t protect you when you were ambushed on purpose. No one kept you and Billy safe when you were shot four fucking times, Zane! You nearly died, and I nearly died with you, and it was too much.” I now dissolve into tears as I remember that collapsing weight that fell upon me when Enzo announced Zane had been shot. “I couldn’t do anything to save you, but I could do everything to make sure it never happened again. And I did just that.” I now find my voice; I find my fight. “Yes, I killed them in cold blood, but I did that to buy us more time. I did it to protect you. I did it because when my life spiraled out of control, it was all I knew what to do.”