“And now?”
I involuntarily sigh. “You helped have a hand in making me someone I want to be. I don’t love myself just yet, but one day, it’ll happen.” I scoot forward a little, closing the proximity between us so my face matches against his. “I want a happy life. I want a true love story,” I admit, smiling bashfully. “But I know that’s already happening.”
“How so?” he asks, questioning through his confusion as he muddles through working out what I mean.
“I don’t want a happily ever after that comes easy, Zane. If I got given that I wouldn’t take it. I want to feel something. I want to feel like I could lose a huge piece of me if anything happened to you. I want to feel like I’m cold when you’re not near. I want to feel that breathlessness you cause. I want to be caught up in a whirlwind so hell-bent on being able to destroy everything that I can’t and won’t escape. I want to fight with you. I want to scream at you, but only because I know I can say the absolute worse to you and know that my heart will still love you and yours will still love me back. You’ve proven that to me already.”
“If that’s so I have no regrets in life,” he whispers, his hand coming up to frame one side of my face.
The warmth that emits from his palm forces me to close my eyes and as I do, his lips touch one, starting of gentle, attentive, loving. This interlock of love is not forced, nor is it rushed. We both just become unbidden after our heart’s finest truths made it into the still air of the room. At the moment, we just found a mutual attraction to what we were already feeling. As if the kiss was just aiding what it was we were feeling.
And as we slip away, our breathing now staccato, we both seem sated.
“We were always meant to be this or some semblance of this.” I watch a sadness lick at his gentle eyes, waiting to take him over. “It wasn’t long after my mom’s health deteriorated and she told me to find you that I realized you’d always be a wound I’d never heal from unless I made things right.” I watch a small smile creep across his lips, as he chuckles and shakes his head. “She always knew you were my better half... completely corrupt, foul-mouthed, but totally my soul mate.”
“Your mom always did love me for some strange reason,” I comment, musing on the past life we had lived together.
“She knew you wouldn’t let me get away with shit,” Zane jokes, dabbling with the memories of his mother and me. “She didn’t even think it was stupid when I got your name tattooed on me. She felt it was a punishment for being so stupid.” He chuckles again. “But don’t flatter yourself over that, sweetheart, I had an awful tribal idea waiting to cover it up if I needed to.”
I hit out at him, playfully scolding him. I feel a smile tug at my lips, one of the first real smiles in so many days.
“You should do that more often.” He waits for me to look at him. “Smile. There is life after death, Amelia. You just need to see that. I know it may feel like a struggle right now, but it’s not forever. You just need to remember to keep breathing and working through the grief.”
“Is that what you told yourself?” I ask, referring to his mother’s own death.
“Yeah, except I had to pretty much do it alone.” I see a ghost of something swoop across his face, but before I can quite put my finger on it, it’s gone and he looks up at me. “There’s a lot I get wrong in this life, a lot I regret as a result of my mistakes, but coming here, doing what I have is not one of those moments.” Again, he cups my face, this time not to kiss, but rather to steal my whole attention. “Not a lot is certain in this life, but what I feel for you is.” He leans in, pushing his forehead to mine. “Nothing and no one will ever change that.”
I track my breathing, make sure I’m compliant with the throes of living, I listen so intently to him. I’m still drawing air, my heart is racing, and he’s still talking.
“Actually, they will. People like Giovanni fucking Abbiati will magnify my every feeling for you, Amelia. I love you more every day because of that fucker. He might have caused a lot of bad, but he only caused me to love you more.”
How is it that pure beauty can unravel from the midst of a horrific tale?
I never knew it was possible for life to stop in a beautiful balance as I revel in the moment so intensely woven with love and passion that nothing else matter. My grief knows no place here, my fear slain.
All I know is the future may be different than what I imagined, but my future is still mine to have, and I will not be allowing men like my father and brother destroy it.
“Thank you,” I tearfully whisper. “Thank you for giving me the strength to hold on to experience this with you.”
“I wasn’t going to let you slip away, Amelia. This life isn’t one I could walk without you. Not sure how many times I have to say it, but I will keep saying it if I need to.”
CHAPTER TWENTY