I nod my head, seeking composure in myself. I look back out at the crowd and swallow hard against the lump formed in my throat.
“I used to wish for so much in my life. Now, I wish only to have my brother back to fill the void left in the Abbiati family. After today, we will never be what we were. We won’t recover from this, but we will continue. Manuel would hate us to give up living. He’d hate us crying over him. He’d be embarrassed by this amount attention on him. But he isn’t here to tell us otherwise.” I don’t hold my tears now, knowing my speech is nearly over. “So after today, we learn to live without him and I know my family will never recover from this. Today marks a huge change for my family. We aren’t the same Abbiati family that has worked under the name of my father. Today shows that we will forever be damaged, but we will still fight for the justice he deserves.” I look over at my brother’s coffin, the top smothered in white flowers, and I take a struggled inhale. “Dormi bene, Fratellino. Ti amo. You’ll be our brightest star in our skies from now on.”
I say my final goodbye, telling my baby brother to sleep tight and that I will always love him. It may sound cruel to some, but I have to take these measures toward closure or I’ll never leave this bubble I’m cocooned in. I close off from the crowd in front of me as Enzo leads me away from the front of the congregation.
I numbly sit back down, and Bruno immediately pulls me into his embrace. As I fall against it, I look across to the other side of the church and notice my father watching us. He smiles proudly, giving me a small appreciative smile. I can see he’s a man near the brink of destruction, but I have to tear myself away from him. He is nothing but a poison that will surely end me. He has tainted everything he has touched, and I want no more of it. I used to be an addict to the attention my father would adore me with, but now I never want to feel him near me again. I am relieved of any and all obligation I held for him. There is no indecision anymore. I was a fool to ever think he was worth being my number one choice. It’s now I know that Zane was right – my father will only ruin everything.
I stay in my brother’s arms, Enzo sitting closer than ever as the service continues and it is announced that we are heading to the cemetery for one last moment of remembrance. It’s the same routine as we had with my mother. We went to the church and had a service and then we followed the coffin to the commentary cemetery where the family took one last walk together before the coffin was put into the Abbiati tomb. My father made sure it was a request that upon all of our deaths, we are put here, but there is no way I want to be buried with a murderer when Giovanni gets what he deserves.
As I stand and leave, I allow my brothers and Zane to swarm, creating a barrier against my father. The moment the light hits me outside, I know today is almost over.
***
I had to leave.
Once I saw the doors of the family vault opened, I had to back away from the crowds. I know I should’ve stayed, but I was sickened that with the actuality that we were standing there about to leave our baby brother to spend the rest of eternity in a mausoleum. Realism was a hit I couldn’t handle.
I walk out of the cemetery, finding myself needing to get some space, but I walk straight into someone. I knew there were people waiting outside to pay their respects while more immediate family stood within the walls of the graveyard, but I thought I had done well to blindly miss random mourners.
“Sorry,” I say, my tone heavy with tears. I go to step around the stranger, in no mood to converse, but when she copies my steps, I feel an anger rise in me. “Look, lady, I’m in no fucking mood to play these types of games, so move!”
“That fiery temper was always going to get you into trouble.”
I should be even more enraged that she’s cracking jokes, but that voice is far too familiar for me to allow an ugly head to rears itself. I can’t be angry because the girl Enzo broke the heart of to stick by us is here, paying her respects. The girl Enzo will forever love has taken it upon herself to be here and I wish he could miraculous appear by my side, kiss and make up with her. But I know how they ended, how he broke her and himself in the end. She would be gone before I could Enzo. Both he and she couldn’t open old wounds on a day like today, but I cannot stop myself from hoping I can be wrong on this matter.
“Oh,” I say, finally looking up to meet the face of a past ghost. “Alessandra?” I question, wondering if she’s really here.
“It’s been a long time,” she says, offering a comforting – albeit uncomfortable – grin. “Sorry, Amelia,” she says to me. “I knew it wasn’t my place to turn up, but when I heard about Manuel, I couldn’t keep away. I didn’t want Enzo to see me so I stuck to the back of the crowd and I was just leaving, but when I saw you, I had to see you.”