A Castle of Sand (A Shade of Vampire 3)

CHAPTER 20: BEN

This isn’t right.

I stared at Zinnia’s sleeping form on the bed next to mine. The guilt was killing me. What’s wrong with you, Hudson? It’s not like you haven’t had girls in your bed before…

I turned to my side, wanting to rip my brains out if it would help me get some sleep. I knew, however, that sleep would provide me no escape. Ever since my first mission, sleep either eluded me or attacked me with an onslaught of nightmares. Sofia, Vivienne and the first vampire I killed haunted my dreams and my every waking moment.

All it took was one mission for me to realize that Sofia had been right all along. Vengeance wasn’t the answer. Killing a vampire was nothing like Zinnia told me it would be. There was no sense of satisfaction or glee. In its place, there was just this aching guilt, knowing that a life had been taken by my own hands—a life that, for all I knew, could’ve been entirely innocent.

I wondered then if Vivienne was innocent. Sofia, after all, had once called the princess of The Shade her friend.

Since we returned to the headquarters after the mission, I began comparing everyone around me to Sofia—especially Zinnia. I realized then that Sofia was nothing like Zinnia or the hunters—and neither was I. I felt like I was surrounded by remorseless people who’d totally lost hold of their consciences. I longed for more of Sofia’s compassion and gentleness. I missed my best friend badly and no matter what I did to try and fill the void that she used to occupy, nothing worked.

This was my lowest point. I actually slept with Zinnia just to forget Sofia, only to miss my dear Rose Red even more.

Is he taking care of you, Sofia? Did I get it all wrong?

These same thoughts plagued me the next day when Reuben called Zinnia and me to discuss if there was any progress in finding The Shade.

“Ben, are you listening to me?” Reuben demanded.

I blinked my eyes several times and shook my head. “I’m sorry. I barely got a wink of sleep. Nightmares.”

Reuben and Zinnia gave me worried glances, but shrugged it off quickly. It was easy to surmise early on that hunters weren’t very sentimental people. They just really wanted to finish what had to be done.

“Pay attention, Ben. You’re too much of an asset not to understand what’s going on.” Reuben sounded impatient.

I couldn’t help but wince at the mention of me being an asset. It was on the mission that they realized how valuable I was to them. After I killed my first vampire, another attacked me, clawing through my back. I didn’t feel a thing. I went through that entire mission, back bleeding, without once feeling the pain. That’s how damaged I was by the torment Claudia put me through at The Shade. That’s how callous my body had become. I managed to fool myself for a while that I was just as callous inside as I was outside. I was wrong. I wondered if I had fooled Sofia too.

“I’m paying attention,” I assured Reuben, though I doubted I had enough presence of mind to go through the plans he was laying out.

“We’ve had scours of our teams worldwide checking out every possible island known to mankind. Nothing checks out. It’s like this island never existed.”

“It was hidden by the protective spell four hundred years ago. The spell hiding it is powerful. I believe even cellphone signals can’t get past the protective wall the spell creates. There’s no way to locate it,” I told them.

“No!” Reuben slammed his hand over the table. “There’s got to be a way. There’s always a way.”

“What do you even plan to do when we find the island? Attack it? The Crimson Fortress walled around the whole island will give the Wall of China a run for its money…don’t underestimate them.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” Reuben hissed. “The Novaks rule the most powerful vampire clan for a reason. Whoever ends their coven will cripple all vampires permanently.”

“You didn’t answer my question. What do you plan to do when we find the island?”

“Get my daughter out of there and then blow the whole island into smithereens.”

I shot a look at Reuben, wondering if he was serious. He clearly was. “There are thousands of innocent human slaves living on that island. If I’m not mistaken, The Shade is self-sufficient and runs on the backbone of these slaves. You’d willingly kill them?”

Reuben gave me a careless shrug. “They were as good as dead the moment they were taken captive by the vampires.”

I couldn’t help but stare at him, wondering how on earth someone as kind and as compassionate as Sofia could possibly be related to him.

For the first time since I arrived there, it felt like joining the hunters had been the biggest mistake of my life.