Get in there, Felicia! Build yourself a stuffed friend. No one’s around to witness your weakness!
So I entered, told the saleswoman I was browsing for “a nephew,” and proceeded to spend forty-five minutes trying to decide what design to get. My mom wasn’t there, so I could take as long as I wanted. Unfortunately.
There was a six-legged octopus that almost took my heart, but after much agonizing, I settled on a stuffed Santa Claus. Because it was July, and a stuffed old man doll seemed more ironic. (The hipster attitude helped get me over the shame that I was buying a STUFFED ANIMAL FOR MYSELF.)
I moved on to the accessories aisle to dress my Santa. And proceeded to have a small panic attack. Because my impulse was to dress him in a flouncy pink tutu, but it was a small town and I didn’t know if it would offend the saleswoman to make Santa a cross-dresser. But then I thought a liberal stance on the issue might, in a small way, help promote transgender rights in the area . . . when I turned to see four hip girls standing at the end of the aisle. Staring at me.
Eagerly.
I overcame my social anxiety about people I don’t know turning their faces toward me and waved. “Heyo!”
They waved back simultaneously, standing in a clump together, four feet away. Practically a gang. (Not really.)
“Hi!” “Are you . . . ?” “You’re her, right?” “Hey!” They seemed excited.
I wanted to smile back but stopped myself. I had to check something first. “Uh, who do you think I am exactly?”
“You’re Felicia Day, right?”
“Yes! That’s me! Nice to meet you!” I always double-check where people think they know me from, because one time at San Diego Comic-Con, a guy bought four DVDs of my web show from me, and as I ran his credit card, he said, “My wife is going to love this gift. You’re her favorite actress. She adored you in The Devil Wears Prada!”
Doh.
The girls crowded toward me. “We work at Hot Topic next door! Steph recognized you when you were standing outside at the benches FOREVER.”
So much for anonymity at the Lancaster Build-A-Bear.
“Uh, yeah! I couldn’t decide if I wanted to come in here or not. Most people my age don’t buy things here for themselves, right?” I laughed awkwardly, waiting for them to reassure me.
“Yeah, it’s mostly for little kids.”
Moving on. “Nice to meet all of you. Did you guys want to take a picture or something?” They were brandishing their cell phones like an extremely amiable group of paparazzi.
“Yes!” “Sure!” “Thanks!” All four of them clustered around me, trying to get simultaneous selfies, like a six-armed octopus of their own, as a mother and child approached.
“I can take those pictures for you.” The mother gathered all the phones as she stared at me. “Are you an actress?”
“Uh, kinda. And a producer and writer. More of that lately, to be honest.” She stared at me blankly. “Yes, I’m an actress.”
“Are you in the movies?”
“Nope. No movies.” I wanted to make it abundantly clear to everyone in the Lancaster mall area that I was NOT Emily Blunt.
One of the Hot Topic chicks piped up. “She does tons of internet stuff!”
“And TV!”
One of them leaned in slightly too close. “I love you on Supernatural.”
She smelled like cherry ChapStick. I liked it. “Thank you.”
The mother was confused.
“Is that a TV show? I don’t watch it. But I love Law & Order: SVU.” The woman called over to her eight-year-old. “Jenna, baby, do you recognize this lady?”
The kid stopped poking through a collection of pastel princess outfits to look me up and down in a surly way.
“Nope.”
I opened my mouth to lecture the kid on how princess dresses reinforce sexual stereotypes when the Build-A-Bear saleswoman walked up to join the crowd.
“How’s it going back here?”
One of the Hot Topic girls spoke up. “We’re just grabbing a picture with Felicia Day! She’s awesome.” I thought to myself, I should bring these girls with me everywhere.
“Oh. Are you a celebrity?”
“I didn’t recognize her either!” said the mother. She smiled at the saleswoman in camaraderie, which was kind of crappy but understandable. I’d have the same reaction if I encountered a reality star I didn’t recognize. Or a sports person. Or a lot of other internet stars, really.
One of the Hot Topics, the ChapStick one, came to my defense. “It’s Felicia Day! She makes tons of videos online.”
“Internet videos? Do you do pranks or something?” said the saleswoman.
Oh, hell no. “No pranks, no kittens, no extreme sports, or music parodies. Probably why you don’t recognize me, ha!”
“Probably.”
One of the other Hot Topics said, “I only know you because my boyfriend is into your gaming stuff. He has a huge crush on you.” Then she gave a reassuring smile. “I’m cool with it!”