23
KARLIE LEFT FOR SCHOOL AND I ENDED UP HELPING JARED WASH THE DISHES.
Cleaning the dirty dishes was actually fun, when you were doing it with someone you cared about. Jared resumed the ‘get to know’ session we started last night.
“Where’d you grow up?” He asked.
“Not far from here,” I shrugged. “About an hour’s drive. What about you?” I tried to get the conversation steered away from my family and life before Greenville.
“Born and raised here.” I handed him a plate and he patted it dry before opening the white cabinet and putting it away. “You had a nanny… So, I take it you come from money people.”
I gripped the plate in my hand so tightly that my knuckles turned red and then white. “My mom and grandparents have money, not me,” I ground out.
“Hey,” Jared put his hands up in surrender, “I’m not interested in money, if that’s what you’re thinking. I’m just trying to figure you out.”
“Jared,” I took a deep breath, “when I came here, I left that person I was, behind. Preston, destroyed what was left of that person. I was a stuck up, rich snob.” I snorted. “Actually, that’s a lie. I pretended to be those things because I thought it was what my mom wanted. It didn’t take me long to learn that I would never be anything that she wanted. I was simply the mistake that my grandmother wouldn’t let her abort.”
“Katy, don’t say that about yourself,” Jared took the plate from my hand before I dropped it.
“It’s true. She never wanted me. All she’s ever cared about is money and status. It’s who she is. She only wants me around when she’s trying to impress somebody because she’s trying to prove she cares about family. It’s a bunch of baloney. I’m sick of being a puppet in her games. That’s why I haven’t been back. Not that she’s even asked to see me,” I gripped the stainless steel sink. “I won’t be used, Jared,” I looked up at him through my lashes.
He reached out but let his hand drop away. “I would never use you, Katy. You know that.” He peered at me and I swear I saw all the way down to his perfect soul.
“I’m sorry,” I shook my head. “I know that.” I wrapped my arms around myself. “It’s just one of those things that really bugs me.”
He chuckled. “I can tell. Remember…” he peered at me through those thick, dark, lashes. “If you ever want to talk about something, I’m here to listen. I’m not like most guys. No selective hearing, here,” he pointed to his ears. “When you’re telling me something, I’m absorbing every word you’re saying.”
I shrugged, something I was doing a lot of, lately. I was going to have to work on controlling that before I dislocated a shoulder. “Back… home,” I said, for lack of a better word, “pretty much everyone around me, all my friends and acquaintances, came from money. But I still worried about someone getting involved with me because of my family’s bank account. I don’t want someone to love me for selfish reasons. I want to be loved, for me, not for what I can give someone.”
Jared bent his head down, pressing his forehead against mine. He cupped my cheeks in his large hands. For a minute, he just looked into my eyes, not saying a thing. “Katy,” he finally said, “I love you, for you. I love that you care so much about your friends. I love that you’re strong and caring. I love that you came to the gym to learn how to defend yourself because you didn’t want to be helpless. I love that you brushed me off at first, because it only made me fight a hundred times harder to win your heart. I love that you love my sister. I love that you opened up to me and shared your past with me. I love that when you’re with me, you smile, and laugh because I know, that I’m the one that made you happy. I love you, Katy, because you are my everything. I don’t love you for what you can or can’t give me. I don’t love you for your bank account. None of that matters to me, Katy,” he stroked my cheek softly with the pad of his thumb. “I was in love with you before I knew you had money. I would never string you along like that. The love I feel for you is something I’ve never experienced. It’s a once in a lifetime feeling. It’s like, when I saw you, my soul recognized you and I couldn’t rest until I made you mine. So, never, ever believe that I love you for any other reason, except that you are you.” His lips pressed slightly against my forehead for a few seconds, before he pulled away. I swayed slightly and he grabbed my wrist to steady me.
“Whoa there, kitten,” he chuckled.
“I think I need to sit down,” I stuttered.
Jared led me over to the breakfast nook.
I plopped clumsily onto the bench.
“You okay?” He asked, bending down in front of me.
“Yeah,” I said, smiling slightly. “You always seem to make me feel lightheaded.”
Jared grinned crookedly. “Good.”
“You want to me feel dizzy?” I asked.
“No, of course not,” he chuckled. “It’s just… if I affect you that way then you must really care for me.”
I reached out, fingering the dimple in his chin. His stubble grated against my skin.
“I already told you that I love you. In fact, I said it first,” I let my hand fall back to my lap.
“True,” his eyes crinkled, “but most of the time you’re not affected by me, the way I am by you.”
I laughed. “You must be blind if you can’t see the way you affect me. You always manage to put my stomach in knots, good ones,” I added before he thought otherwise. “I’ve never had anyone make me feel the way you do, without you even saying anything. That night, at the club,” I swallowed, “when you grabbed my hand, for the first time in two years, I felt safe. You are my safe haven, Jared. It’s always been you that I’ve been searching for, even after I stopped looking.”
He closed his eyes as a smile spread across his face.
Opening them, he said, “I would go through every horrible thing in my life, over and over again, as long as I knew you’d be waiting for me on the other side.”
I took his hand in mine and smoothed my thumb across his knuckles.
“Neither of us is perfect, not by a long shot, but somehow, together, we are.”
~***~
“Karlie!” Jared yelled up the steps. “Hurry up! We have to go pick up Rollo!”
Karlie bound down the steps. “Rollo? Who’s Rollo? Do you have a dog?”
I laughed. “No, Rollo’s my best friend, he’s pretty much human, at least most of the time.”
Karlie laughed. “That’s a weird name.”
“His real name is Rolland,” I supplied.
Karlie’s mouth formed a perfect O. “Gotcha. Now I get it.”
“Have you called him to let him know we’re on our way?” Jared asked me.
“Yep, he’s ready,” I said, heading out the front door.
Karlie was already climbing in the backseat of Jared’s car.
Jared locked the front door and then helped me into the car.
“Ugh, Jared?” I said as he backed out of the driveway. “What happened to my car?”
“It was damaged beyond repair. You’ll have to get a new one,” he said, heading towards the college.
“Greeeaaat,” I drew out the word. Honestly, it wasn’t that big of a deal. My mom wouldn’t even notice the missing money from the bank account. I would, however, have to make sure and get the same car. She’d notice if I showed up at home driving something different. I chuckled to myself. Not that I planned on showing up there anytime soon.
“What are you laughing about?” Jared asked, eyes on the road.
“Nothing,” I waved his concern away with a flick of my hand.
~***~
Rollo was waiting outside, pacing along the sidewalk in front of his dorm.
Once in the car, Rollo asked, “Where are we going?”
I looked at Jared, who shrugged.
“Is Italian good with everybody?” he asked.
Nobody complained so Jared drove about a mile down the road to a popular local Italian restaurant.
Thankfully, we didn’t have to wait long.
Jared slid into the seat across from me and winked before picking up a menu.
My cast thumped against the wooden table.
Graceful, Katy, real graceful, I scolded myself.
Rollo clucked his tongue and tapped the blue plaster. “I can’t believe you got into a car wreck.”
“I can’t believe I have to wear this stupid thing,” I glared at the offensive cast, covering my arm. In a way, the pain in my ribs was more bearable than the clunky cast.
“You better let me sign it,” Rollo turned to look at me.
“I don’t want anybody to sign it,” I mumbled.
Rollo looked at me like I was insane. “Don’t make me come after you, I’m signing that thing.”
“I want to sign it too!” Karlie put her menu down on the table and leaned towards me. “I have a sharpie in my purse!”
“Who carries sharpies in their purse?” I asked incredulously.
“Sharpies are man’s best creation. I always have one,” she said, digging around in her leather purse.
I looked across at Jared, pleading with my eyes, for him to save me.
He just chuckled and gave me a look that told me I was on my own.
Karlie pulled out a silver sharpie and handed it to Rollo.
“Give me that arm, baby cakes,” Rollo grabbed my cast.
“Rollo,” I whined, but I knew there was no changing his mind once it was made up. “Fine, at least don’t write anything offensive.”
“Who said anything about writing it,” he cackled.
My eyes widened. “Or draw anything!”
Jared snorted and hid his face behind a menu. I glared at the plastic sheet, knowing he could feel the burn of my stare through it.
“I’m so happy you think this is funny,” I said.
Jared chuckled, still hiding behind the menu.
When he continued to laugh, I found my own lips turning up, and pretty soon I was giggling.
“All done,” Rollo grinned, letting go of the cast.
I brought it up to my eye and read what he’d written:
I guess when you kill Bambi’s mom, you have to wear a stupid cast.
Love ya, babycakes.
-Your bestest-est-est friend
Rollo
“Thanks Rollo, I feel the love,” I laughed.
“Just being honest,” he put the cap back on the sharpie and tossed it across the table to Karlie.
“My turn!” Karlie said, getting ready to stand, but she was interrupted by the appearance of our waiter.
“What can I get ya’ll to eat?” he asked, pen poised against the paper.
During all the ‘let’s sign Katy’s cast’ fuss, I hadn’t decided what I wanted to eat.
When it came to be my turn, I picked some kind of Parmesan chicken thing, and crossed my fingers that I’d like it.
“So,” Rollo said, taking a sip of his Diet Pepsi, “how come you’re staying at Jared’s?”
I blushed, but was saved from answering by Jared.
“That’s my fault, Rollo,” Jared said. “I hated the thought of Katy staying at her condo by herself. She’s still hurt and recuperating. Her ribs are going to be sore for a while and the cast a hindrance, so I thought it would be better if she stayed where someone could look after her.”
“Admit it, you were just chomping at the bit to have Katy in your bed,” Rollo smirked.
Jared spewed Mountain Dew across the table. Luckily, I missed the spray.
“How’d you know she slept in my bed?” He asked Rollo. Then to me, “Did you tell him?”
I shook my head no.
Rollo chuckled and looked like the cat that ate the canary. “I didn’t, but you just gave me the answer. Baby cakes, isn’t one to… kiss and tell.”
Oh, God. This was getting worse by the minute.
I prayed for a divine intervention.
I sunk down in the booth, and wished I could sink completely under the table and hide there until dinner was over. I was officially mortified. I could feel the heat flaming my cheeks and was sure that my temperature had probably been raised a few degrees. I loved Rollo, but sometimes he just went too far.
Karlie, sweetie that she was, changed the subject back to my cast.
I leaned across the table so that she could sign it.
When she finished, she handed the Sharpie to Jared.
Jared skimmed his fingers over mine in a barely-there touch. I shivered at the small contact, the hairs on my back sticking straight up.
He uncapped the pen, and stuck the end in his mouth, thinking. The pink of his tongue swirled around the tip before he finally pressed the marker to my cast.
He totally did that on purpose and I was definitely affected by it.
That fact, scared the bejesus out of me, but excited me at the same time. It meant that something, long dormant inside me, was waking up.
Jared finished, and I pulled my arm back. I didn’t dare peek at what he’d written; for fear that I might spontaneously combust on the spot.
Our dinner came and mine was actually pretty good.
Thankfully, Rollo didn’t make any more embarrassing remarks.
We dropped Rollo back off at the dorm, he gave me a look that told me he’d expect to know every juicy detail of my week with Jared.
It was getting kind of late when we got back to Jared’s house. Karlie went upstairs to take a shower and then said she was going to bed.
Jared collapsed onto the couch and I took the chair.
“There’s plenty of room for you on the couch,” Jared motioned to the empty space at his feet.
I took the spot he had indicated and immediately my heart jumped in my chest at the close proximity.
“You look like you’re deep in thought,” he said, after several minutes of silence.
I guess I was. I had been since he’d told me about his past.
How could someone go through something like that, and be so completely normal? I had let my rape eat away at me, and although my rape certainly wasn’t something to be taken lightly, I felt like Jared had, had it even worse.
I shrugged when he continued to wait for me to say something.
“Tell me what you’re thinking, Katy. I can see the wheels turning in your head,” he crossed his arms over his chest.
I sighed and tucked my hair behind my ears. “I just don’t understand how you’re so… normal.”
Jared chuckled. “Is that a bad thing?”
“No,” I picked at a piece of lint on my jeans. “But usually people that go through something like what you did… they usually have a lot of baggage.”
Jared chuckled. “I’ve shipped my baggage away, Katy. There’s no use in holding onto it. I know I have every right to be an angry, bitter person, but I don’t want to be that way. I want to go on with my life. I want to smile, and laugh, and love,” he looked at me significantly. “I can’t do that if I hold onto my past. Sometimes, you have to sever the strings of your past, Katy. You have to set yourself free.”