To the Moon and Back

Chapter 9




‘You did what?’ It hadn’t been the easiest of journeys home. Delays on the Circle Line had resulted in far too many commuters being sardined into too few carriages and Ellie had ended up sandwiched between two men who hadn’t been introduced to deodorant. Now, convinced that their BO had wiped itself all over her jacket, she peeled it off and chucked it into the washing machine.

‘I found you a job.’ Roo had been waiting for her to get back. Now she was firing up her laptop. ‘Probably. Well, possibly. But you said it was time for a change, so I got you this.’ She pulled a card out of her left bra-cup and waved it. ‘All you have to do is call this number and fix up an interview.’

‘Where’s the job?’

‘Right here in Primrose Hill. Ancram Street. Five minutes’ walk from here.’ Persuasively, Roo added, ‘Just think, no more getting smeared in other people’s skanky sweat!’

‘You have a way with words.’

‘I know. That’s why I’m such a brilliant songwriter. There’s nothing worse than skanky sweat,’ she extemporized. ‘It really made her gag and retch, far nicer than some creep with BO, would be a super-cool guy like Ne-Yo…’

‘Your country needs you.’ Ellie nodded. ‘You should be our next poet laureate.’

‘Not many people have a name that rhymes with BO. Anyway, speaking of super-cool guys, take a look at this one.’ Roo swiveled the laptop around so Ellie could see the screen.

‘Who’s he?’

‘Zack McLaren. The one who needs a new PA. I’d volunteer for the job myself, only you need to be able to do all sorts of nifty typisty stuff. But what about him, eh? Pretty impressive? He’s an entrepreneur! Look at those eyes…’

Ellie studied the photo. There was no denying he was an attractive specimen, what with that glossy dark hair and those film-star cheekbones. Beneath the well-cut suit he clearly had an athletic body. Nice eyes too. Next to her, Roo was visibly drooling.

‘The thing is, it’s like asking a vegetarian to rave about a piece of fillet steak. I can see that he’s good-looking but it’s wasted on me. All that stuff ’s just irrelevant right now. I’m not interested.’

‘I know, I know, but he doesn’t want someone who’s going to be all over him, does he? Flashing her boobs and simpering like a teenager. That’s what’s so great. Because you wouldn’t do any of that. You’d be perfect.’

‘Well…’

‘And if things don’t work out between me and Niall, this one can be my first reserve.’ Roo lovingly stroked the computer screen. ‘He looks like he’d be fantastic in bed.’

***

Two hours later, Ellie reached across the coffee table and scooped up the business card. As she’d been leaving, Roo had urged her again to think about it, and now she had. She had also pulled her just-washed purple jacket out of the washing machine and sniffed it, and still been able to sense the body odor clinging to the fibers. This was the downside to having an overactive imagination. From now on, she knew, just the sight of the jacket would be enough to make her feel a bit queasy.

Whereas here was the possibility of a new job, close to home and where her past wouldn’t color people’s attitudes towards her because they wouldn’t know about it.

Really, there was no contest.

It was only nine o’clock. That wasn’t too late to call, was it? Ellie picked up the phone and pressed out the number.

Here goes…

***

The phone began to ring as Zack let himself into the house. After a long day of meetings followed by a three-hour drive back from Manchester, all he wanted was a cold beer and an hour of mindless TV before crashing out for the night.

Except that wasn’t an option. Instead, he had a detailed business plan to put together and several letters to dictate. Peeling off his jacket and pushing open the door to the office, he dumped his briefcase on the desk and answered the still-ringing phone.

‘Oh, hello, is that Mr McLaren?’

It was a female voice he didn’t recognize. Zack kicked off his shoes and reached for a pen. ‘Speaking.’

‘Hi there! I’m calling about the job.’

‘Job?’

‘That’s right. My name’s Ellie Kendall, and my friend persuaded me to call you. I hope you’ll consider me, because I really think we could be a good match. I’m local, very hardworking, my typing speeds are brilliant, and I—’

‘Hang on, sorry, you’ve lost me here, I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ said Zack.

‘Oh!’ She sounded taken aback.

‘What kind of job are you applying for?’

‘Well, working as your PA.’

‘I’m afraid there’s been some misunderstanding. I already have a PA and I’m perfectly happy with her.’

‘Oh right, but… no, OK, I’m really sorry. My mistake.’ Hurriedly the girl said, ‘Sorry to bother you. Bye.’

‘Wait—’ But it was too late; she had already hung up. And what would have been the point in prolonging the conversation anyway? Zack’s stomach rumbled, reminding him that he needed to eat something before settling down to the paperwork. An ice-cold beer and a ferociously hot curry, that was his priority now. Then he would dictate the most important letters so that first thing in the morning Barbara could get them typed up and sent out.

***

‘So there we are. I know this has come as a shock, but rest assured you don’t have to worry about a thing. I shan’t leave you high and dry.’ Barbara’s tone was consoling. ‘I’m going to devote myself to the task of finding you a worthy replacement.’

Zack looked at the official letter of resignation she had handed him before launching into her little speech.

‘Thank you. Well, I’ll be sorry to lose you, but it’ll be exciting for you. And the Algarve’s beautiful. You never know, you might take up golf yourself.’

Barbara shuddered. ‘I can assure you I won’t.’

He smiled slightly. ‘And at least this solves one mystery.’

‘Oh?’

‘I had a phone call last night from someone applying to be my PA.’

Barbara closed her eyes in despair. ‘That dreadful, pushy girl. I’m so sorry. She knew I wasn’t telling you until today.’

Mildly diverted, Zack said, ‘But you told her yesterday?’

‘Of course I didn’t tell her! She eavesdropped on a private conversation! Then she followed me here and said her friend could take over my job. She was most persistent. I’m afraid I ended up giving her one of your cards, otherwise I’d never have got rid of her.’

‘Well, you could call that enterprising.’ Barbara’s reaction amused him. ‘And the friend sounded very keen on the phone. Maybe I should see her.’

‘Oh no no no.’ Chins wobbling, Barbara vehemently shook her head. ‘No no no no, trust me, absolutely not the type of person you’d want to hire.’

‘But… hang on, have I got this right? You didn’t actually meet the girl’s friend.’

‘Zack, I didn’t need to. This girl had hair like a punk rocker, all chopped and dyed. And silver boots!’ Barbara shuddered. ‘The entire outfit was bizarre. And her T-shirt was obscene. Believe me, you wouldn’t want to employ anyone who’s friendly with a girl like that. No, no, just leave it to me. I’ll find you the right lady.’

To tease her, Zack said, ‘Or man.’

‘I can assure you, it’ll be a lady.’ Nobody had ever accused Barbara of having a sense of humor. With a dismissive sniff she retorted, ‘Men can’t multitask.’

***

It was Thursday evening. True to her word, Barbara had drawn up a shortlist of six eminently suitable applicants for the position of replacement PA. Zack had spent the afternoon interviewing them, and it was safe to say it hadn’t been the most enthralling three hours of his life.

All the ladies were super-efficient, incredibly organized, and vastly experienced. But if there was such a thing as crimplene overload, he was suffering from it. Even when they hadn’t been wearing any, they still exuded the aura of crimplene. Each of them had been in their mid to late fifties, with sensible hair and minimal—if any—makeup. Smart interview outfits. Below-the-knee skirts. Low-heeled shoes. Clipped, unvarnished fingernails. Basically, Barbara had provided him with half a dozen clones of herself. Zack knew why she’d done it, and in theory he agreed, but the prospect of choosing one of them, it had to be said, didn’t fill him with joy.

Fifteen minutes later he emerged from the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist. Heading downstairs to the office, he flipped back through the notepad on his desk until he found the page he was looking for.

There was the number he’d scribbled down, the one belonging to the friend of the unsuitable girl who had so alarmed Barbara last week. Smiling slightly at the memory of her reaction, Zack dialed the number. He knew nothing about the girl, other than that she didn’t sound as if she wore crimplene.

It was picked up on the third ring. ‘Hello? Whoops.’ There was a clatter followed by a big thud. ‘Sorry about that. Hello.’

‘What happened there?’

‘I reached over to pick up the phone and rolled off the sofa. Who’s that?’

‘Zack McLaren.’

‘Oh! Look, can I just say I’m so sorry about last week? I really put my foot in it, didn’t I? Your poor PA, I hope you weren’t cross with her.’

Amused, Zack said, ‘I’m never cross. Listen, you sounded pretty enthusiastic before. I just wondered if you’d like to come over for an interview tomorrow morning?’

‘Really? Oh, wow, that’d be fantastic! But I can’t do tomorrow; I’m catching the first train up to Glasgow.’ She sounded genuinely apologetic. ‘It’s my gran’s eightieth birthday and she’s having a surprise party and I can’t miss it. But I’m back on Sunday night.’ Hopefully she added, ‘Could we make it next week instead?’

Damn. ‘Sorry, I’ve already seen all the other applicants. I promised to let them know by tomorrow.’

‘Oh.’ There was a pause. ‘Well, I’m not doing anything right now. Apart from falling off the sofa. How about if I just throw some clothes on and come round in thirty minutes?’ Another pause. ‘Um, that makes it sound as if I’m naked. I’m not naked, I’m wearing pajamas. Oh God, this is too much information. Shall I see you in thirty minutes, fully clothed?’

Zack caught sight of his reflection in the office window. He didn’t tell her that apart from the towel slung around his hips, he wasn’t wearing anything either. Anyway, that was beside the point. ‘I can’t do it. I have a business dinner this evening.’ He’d called her number on impulse but there was no way he would employ someone without meeting them first. And he was the main guest speaker at tonight’s dinner so he couldn’t be late. ‘Well, we gave it a try, but I guess we’ll have to leave it after all. Just a case of bad timing.’ Glancing at his watch, he saw that it was eight o’clock. Seeing as his car would be here in ten minutes, he needed to get a serious move on. ‘Thanks anyway.’

‘OK.’ The girl, Ellie, sounded disappointed. ‘Well, thank you too, for thinking of me. It was nice of you to call. It’s a shame we couldn’t meet up.’

She had an attractive voice, clear and musical, the kind that would be a joy to listen to. If you had time. ‘I’m sorry too. And good luck with finding another job,’ said Zack. ‘Bye.’