“But—”
He kissed me silent. Rough and quick, but it effectively shut me up. Gripping my face in his hands, he forced me to look at him. “What we did was amazing,” he said as if willing me to believe that as fiercely as he did with his stare alone. “It was just between you and me, and it was no one else’s fucking business. I know you won’t show me any favoritism in class, and I sure as hell won’t ask for any. I’ll work my ass off to earn whatever grade I get. We can keep the two separate; that’s all that matters. And we’re two consenting adults who—”
“Who just did it in closet like a pair of irresponsible teenagers without any protection. Oh, my God. I’m supposed to be some kind of role model for all the young girls on campus. What kind of message would this send? Damn it, Noel, you know this is wrong. This can never happen again, not that it matters. We’re going to get caught as soon we open this door, and it’s all going to be over, anyway.”
He shook his head insistently. In that moment, I wasn’t sure if I’d ever met a more stubborn person in my life. “Look, okay, the condom thing was, yeah, a mistake. I’ll admit that one. Neither of us were thinking. Things happened. But it did happen, and we can’t undo it. So we’ll just...we’ll deal with those consequences if there are any. And we’re not going to get caught in here either. We’ll wait until everything settles down between classes. We can slip out after—”
“But I have another class to teach.” Oh, God. Just saying that aloud made this that much more real. And awful.
I’d just had hard and dirty sex, on campus, with one of my students, and I had another class to teach in...shit, twenty minutes.
My hands began to shake. I was one of those women now. It didn’t seem real.
Noel choked out a sound of pain and his expression crumbled as he reached for my face. “Jesus, don’t cry.” When he wiped wetness off my cheek, I realized I already was.
A sob worked up my throat, and I shuddered with fear.
“No.” He hauled me against him, my forehead bumping hard against his clavicle. “I’m sorry.” His fingers sank into my hair and rubbed my scalp. “I lost my mind and before I knew it, I was inside you. I’m so sorry, Aspen. I’ll make this right. I swear it.”
I let his words calm me. I even rested my cheek on his chest until he seemed satisfied I was okay. Then I let him crack open the door and check the hall. He took my hand and led me from the stuffy supply closet that now smelled like us. But as soon as we were out, I shook my fingers away from his.
He glanced back at me as if he wanted to argue about it. I knew he wanted me to follow him so we could go somewhere else together. But this had to stop here. And he must’ve seen something in my face, known I wasn’t going anywhere with him, because he clenched his jaw but silently nodded his acceptance.
So, he took off one way down the hall, and I went the other, telling myself this could never happen again. No matter how amazing it had been, no matter how much I loved being with him, no matter how great I felt just looking at him, this could never...happen...again.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
"I want to know everything about you, so I tell you everything about myself.” - Amy Hempel
NOEL
I gave her twenty-four hours. I knew Aspen. She needed time and space to wrap her head around what had happened. It killed me to give it to her, but I allowed it. But only for one day. I knew there was no way I’d be able to enter her class on Thursday and watch her teach without imploding, so on Wednesday afternoon, beyond grateful I didn’t have to work that night because I’d reorganized the schedules at work, I hiked to her place as soon as I thought she’d be home for the day.
She answered her door, cracking the entrance open and peering out at me with her large, adorable owl eyes. As her mouth fell open, I stepped forward. She had to scurry backward and pull the door open wider to let me in, but she did, without any kind of fight. The shock might’ve prevented her from trying to bar my way.
I was okay with that, because I was inside.
Shutting the door behind me, I held her shocked gaze. “You about done freaking out yet?”
She swung her head back and forth. “No.”
“Well, I’m done waiting.” Cupping her face in my hands, I added, “What we’re doing is wrong. Making it a one-time deal is wrong. Trying to convince ourselves it was dirty and tawdry and something to be ashamed of is wrong. It was the best damn sex of my life, Aspen. I felt connected to you, like hell, I don’t know. I wasn’t just getting off in some random girl; I was sharing something deep and meaningful...with you. I don’t care how many school policies tell us no. I’m saying yes.”
She drew in a loud breath and shook her head. “Why do you make it so hard for me to resist you?”